Having a girlfriend and pledging?

[rhoyaltempest]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

You said to be honest so I will. You might as well make a choice right now. Either join the fraternity or dump your girl. The fact that she's put it in her mind that it's going to destroy the relationship if you join should tell you that she's going to dump you anyway because of her own insecurities. She sounds very insecure to me. Trust me, SHE WILL DUMP YOU if you join.

I wouldn't go this far. His girlfriend's concerns are valid and a little insecurity when faced with such a situation is natural and expected. I was the girlfriend of a fraternity member even though I also was greek and frats do have their groupies and there is peer pressure all around. So again, her concerns are valid.

To the guy who started this thread, just sit your girlfriend down and seriously express why joining a frat is so important to you and leave out any shallow, superficial reasons. If she's as important to you as you say, then do everything you can to assure her that you can be trusted and don't do anything to betray her trust. You should be fine as long as you don't lose sight of what's most important...so in other words, get your priorities in order. Now if she starts being insecure to the point where she is accusing you of things that she has no reason to, then you guys just have trust issues period and that will be a problem in the long run whether you join a fraternity or not.

Also explain to her that during the pledge process, your time will be limited but this is only for a little while and she should support you. Greek life can become a big part of your life, especially in undergrad but as long as you don't overdo it and neglect her, the time you two spend away from eachother can be healthy. I don't know how clingy your relationship is but both of you should have friends and activities outside of eachother. If she can, it might be a good idea for her to look into joining a sorority or some kind of group or organization. When one person is greek or has other things going on and the other person doesn't, this can cause a big problem.

[1908Revelations]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I hate to go all Dr. Phil on you, but it's very true that trust and insecurity have very little to do with the other person in the relationship - it's all about the person having the feelings. Unless you've ever given her a reason not to trust you, then if not about a fraternity, she's going to mistrust you about something else. Better to just do it and see how she reacts, than give up on being in a fraternity and find out down the line that she has issues.

TOUCHE!! Also, I agree with PB!

If this is important to you then that is all that matters. She is not your wife! If she is up in arms about a fraternity then there is no telling what else would set her off. I wish like hell I would have let a boyfriend not want be to be an AKA. I would inquire as to why, but at the end of the day I would have told him to "Roll wit it or get rolled ova!"

LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE!! Don't put yourself in a position to say shoulda, woulda, coulda. Just imagine if you don't join b/c of her and you guys break up...you are going to feel like a giant ass. Man up!

[brahmajeep]

I really appreciate those who have shared thier own experiances about how tough it can be to manage both. I've also learned alot on what I need to do to make it work. Thanks!

On the other hand, even though your trying to help- some of you're all's posts are really starting to piss me off.

Originally Posted by 1908Revelations

LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE!! Don't put yourself in a position to say shoulda, woulda, coulda. Just imagine if you don't join b/c of her and you guys break up...you are going to feel like a giant ass. Man up!

Man up? C'mon chick, look over what i've wrote and you'll see that I HAVENT ONCE debated NOT joining because of my girlfriend. IM JOINING. I ALREADY DEFFERRED A BID. I wanted to know ahead of time what is expected, and if it would be possible to manage staying together with a serious girlfriend and pledging a fraternity.
Im not greek yet. I've never pledged. I dont know what goes on in pledging, and I wanted to know whether or not I would be FORCED to do anything that would really be against my morals and/or make me do things that would put my relationship in danger (ex. stupid games to hook up with other gurls, etc)
I DONT need any help or lecture about "manning up" and not letting a girl get in the way of what I want to do...thats not what I asked, and was not even an option to begin with.

[1908Revelations]

Originally Posted by brahmajeep

I really appreciate those who have shared thier own experiances about how tough it can be to manage both. I've also learned alot on what I need to do to make it work. Thanks!

On the other hand, even though your trying to help- some of you're all's posts are really starting to piss me off.


Man up? C'mon chick, look over what i've wrote and you'll see that I HAVENT ONCE debated NOT joining because of my girlfriend. IM JOINING. I ALREADY DEFFERRED A BID. I wanted to know ahead of time what is expected, and if it would be possible to manage staying together with a serious girlfriend and pledging a fraternity.
Im not greek yet. I've never pledged. I dont know what goes on in pledging, and I wanted to know whether or not I would be FORCED to do anything that would really be against my morals and/or make me do things that would put my relationship in danger (ex. stupid games to hook up with other gurls, etc)
I DONT need any help or lecture about "manning up" and not letting a girl get in the way of what I want to do...thats not what I asked, and was not even an option to begin with.

Chick?!?! ha ha ha! That is really cute.

Look you did not say anything about a bid before. Therefore, YOU DO NOT NEED TO TYPE IN CAPS...it is rude! I only typed one phrase in caps and I was being constructive. There was no lecture on manning up, I simply stated it once.

I don't think many of us knew what pledging or membership intake was about before we decided to join or respective orgs. So you not knowing is not a far fetched concept. NO ONE can force you to do things, you choose what you do be it good or bad.

The thing about a message board and asking people what they think is any and everyone can respond. So no need to get pissed as you stated.

Your tone (bolding and caps) are not cool. Chill out....it is not that serious. You don't want to have hypertension.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by 1908Revelations

TOUCHE!! Also, I agree with PB!

If this is important to you then that is all that matters. She is not your wife! If she is up in arms about a fraternity then there is no telling what else would set her off. I wish like hell I would have let a boyfriend not want be to be an AKA. I would inquire as to why, but at the end of the day I would have told him to "Roll wit it or get rolled ova!"

LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE!! Don't put yourself in a position to say shoulda, woulda, coulda. Just imagine if you don't join b/c of her and you guys break up...you are going to feel like a giant ass. Man up!

Preach! Preach! Preach!

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by brahmajeep

I really want to join a certain fraternity for so many reasons.

Is your girlfriend familiar with this fraternity? I mean, is there some reason she doesn't want you to pledge this fraternity? Does this fraternity have a less-than-desirable reputation that she's aware of? If so, this might be part of her reluctance to support your desire to pledge. If not, then ignore this paragraph.

We might be a little more helpful if we knew more of the specifics - are you both at the same school? Are you both incoming freshmen? For some reason I get the feeling that she's still in HS, but I don't know why I think that.

Assuming she's in college (and attending a school w/ sororities), perhaps you could persuade your gf to look into sorority recruitment. She could even go into it with the attitude that she's just checking it out, but not really serious about it (of course, she shouldn't tell the women rushing her that). Then, when she discovers that all sorority women aren't slutbags looking for their next bedmate, she might be a little more supportive of you. Heck, she might even find a sorority home. Then you can both experience the NM period together! (I know, probably too idyllic to actually happen, but you never know.)

Either way, do what you want to do. You potential brothers can't make you do anything you don't want to. It really shouldn't be a problem.

[TrevorG]

Probably the best thing you can do to ease her fears is bring her over to the house regularly to hang out with you and the brothers. Assuming the guys aren't a bunch of neanderthals, she will hopefully become friendly with some of them and realize that they aren't going to corrupt you or steal you from her.

This will also increase you're probability of getting a bid and fitting in. As a Recruitment Chair, the best thing in the world is when guys come over to hang out. This way we get to know them better before bidding on them. As long as you are already friendly with some of the guys, don't be afraid to call them up or just drop by to hang out.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by brahmajeep

Hello everyone,

I'll tell you my story in short and I really want advice from those who can tell me the truth on what I should do.

I have a girlfriend and we are serious. We've been together for a while and I plan on being with her for a while. I really want to join a certain fraternity for so many reasons. I've found that these are all guys I get along with, trust, and really want to be apart of this fraternity for the brothers and the fun with the brothers that I will have. On the other hand, my girlfriend thinks that the fraternity is going to force me to do things that are going to destroy our relationship. Things like force me to take other girls to closed socials, make me go to events/retreats where we go to stripclubs, ect, ect.

I have the attitude that I want to join because its something that is important to me, and I have lots of idea of how I can help better the fraternity and become close with the guys. But my girlfriend is also important to me, and if I feel like they force me to do things that are going to tear my relationship apart and are against my own morals (I will NOT go to a stripclub regardless...I just refuse to support somethin like that honestly).

Now, please honestly answer this question. Will it be a problem?

I think she's just a little insecure right now because this is all new to her and you. Personally, I think this is perfectly normal. Have you two really sat down and talked about this?