What to tell a girl who didn't get a bid

[_Lisa_]

I'm surprised the Greek Life office doesn't already have a support system in place for PNM's who don't receive bids. You should suggest it to them & then leave it up to them!

[PM_Mama00]

Originally Posted by _Lisa_

I'm surprised the Greek Life office doesn't already have a support system in place for PNM's who don't receive bids. You should suggest it to them & then leave it up to them!

Greek Life isn't exactly do or die in this area, especially on the campuses with smaller systems. Most girls who don't get bids get upset and get over it, or try again through COB or the next year.

Jessica.... I suggest that if this really is a problem, and you HAVE to have something to say to this girl, maybe ask your UMD chapter. They might have some good suggestions for this situation.

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

Originally Posted by TSteven

I feel it is best to just say something simple like "Membership selection is private/confidential" and leave it at that.

Agreed. Anything more divulging information that isn't theirs to know.

[PeppyGPhiB]

Originally Posted by TSteven

They are an NPC chapter. The other sorority chapters are local (two) and an NPHC chapter.

Sorry, I just saw the signature. Wow. Just wow.

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

Sorry, I just saw the signature. Wow. Just wow.

For what it is worth, there isn't a campus panhellenic council, but a single "IFC" that includes NIC, NPC, NPHC and locals. As such, I have a feeling that recruitment on that campus may not follow "traditional" NPC guidelines.

FYI, the two locals were founded 13 & 14 years prior to their chartering.

[Eleutheria]

We have three NPC sororities at my school, and recruitment isn't exactly run as well as it should be. I was given a bid to a sorority, but because of the whole matching process, my bid card was lost in the shuffle, and I got bumped. In retrospect, it turned out to be much better for me to be non-greek. I joined Alpha Phi Omega instead, and have gotten a lot more out of it than had I joined a sorority. Quite honestly, if a group isn't going to give you a bid you DON'T WANT TO BE part of that group.

[James]

Some of it depends on how much you think you had to do with her not getting a bid.

If you brought a lot of the chapter to the point of view that this girl shouldn't be allowed to join, and you did it for primarily personal reasons/feelings, I can see why you would want to excercise some damage control. Because I can only imagine someone wanting to go postal if it were a personal problem.

In that case I would pre-empt the whole situation and have someone with good social skills go talk to her and tell/lie saying it wasn't anything personal. Explain that there is just a limited number of slots open and sometimes things work out in sucky ways. But you think she is cool, pretty, worthy, whatever.

There is no good way to reject someone, but you can offer them face saving comments if they want/need to hold onto them.

If you are just looking for some general blanket statement to out into a booklet or whatever:

"Membership Selection is a competitive process with limited spaces available, and that can result in highly desirable candidates remaining bidless, sometimes despite the wishes of the candidate or the sorority.

And due to the private nature of Membership Selection, sorority members are not in any way permitted to discuss the process."

[MTSUGURL]

Keep in mind that we are a small group on our campus, and we are not an NPC org.
During interviews, one of the girls told us that she had gotten mad when her place of work had gone out of business and had stolen several hundreds of dollars worth of stuff from them. We of course did not give her a bid, and when she cried and asked us why, we told her, "Some of your answers to the interview questions raised concerns in the sisters. We often have events in our private homes, and the lack of respect you showed for your employer's possessions makes us reluctant to invite you into our homes."
That was an extreme case. Anyone else we didn't invite back, we told them, "I'm sorry, but we don't discuss membership selection."

[GDIfly]

Originally Posted by jessicaelaine

a girl should defiantly try again

yes, defiance will get her in!

[UGAalum94]

Well, sure, opinions will vary based on experience, but remember, you asked and you didn't really give a disclaimer about what your campus was like.

Some folks on here are really snippy as a default, and I don't get it, but as I've learned from personal experience, it doesn't help to respond in kind.

Good luck! If it works for your chapter and it's okay with your national, it looks like you're putting together a helpful guide.

Originally Posted by Alphagamuga

Well, sure, opinions will vary based on experience, but remember, you asked.

Some folks on here are really snippy as a default, and I don't get it, but as I've learned from personal experience, it doesn't help to respond in kind.

I wasn't saying I didn't want their opinion. i know i asked for their opinon. on what to say to a girl in this situation. not on what i should put in an information booklet on the sorority. the fact that the rho chi should cover this or the office of greek life should have information regarding it does not matter. before this post, i had no idea what a rho chi was, and our "office of greek life" is a man called Al who run the field house.

i can't be snippy too. which is why i was.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by jessicaelaine

I wasn't saying I didn't want their opinion. i know i asked for their opinon. on what to say to a girl in this situation. not on what i should put in an information booklet on the sorority. the fact that the rho chi should cover this or the office of greek life should have information regarding it does not matter. before this post, i had no idea what a rho chi was, and our "office of greek life" is a man called Al who run the field house.

i can't be snippy too. which is why i was.

That last part is kind of a zen riddle.

Really I think threads just take on a life of their own sometimes and your thread may have been more about what should be said to PNMs. If you are looking for a really specific answer, I'm afraid you have to make it clear. It seemed from what you said during the thread you were looking to speak officially for the group.

ETA: look back at your first post, and I think you'll see why people got the idea that it was about the booklet.

[James]

So you were instrumental in her not getting in? It was personal?

Or are you just her friend who encouraged her to join (and then she didn't get in)?

Why else care?

Originally Posted by jessicaelaine

I wasn't saying I didn't want their opinion. i know i asked for their opinon. on what to say to a girl in this situation. not on what i should put in an information booklet on the sorority. the fact that the rho chi should cover this or the office of greek life should have information regarding it does not matter. before this post, i had no idea what a rho chi was, and our "office of greek life" is a man called Al who run the field house.

i can't be snippy too. which is why i was.

[AlexMack]

Originally Posted by jessicaelaine

wow thanks for being a bitch for no reason. what you said really helped.... show me how i didn't look closely at spell check. rolf lol brb lamo !!!11!!1!!!11!!!!1eleven!!

Get over it. we all left it alone but they weren't spelling mistakes, they were entirely different words which gave an entirely different meaning to the paragraph.
So is this a general advice insert, or just for this one girl who's about to kill herself because you didn't give her a bid?

Originally Posted by centaur532

Get over it. we all left it alone but they weren't spelling mistakes, they were entirely different words which gave an entirely different meaning to the paragraph.
So is this a general advice insert, or just for this one girl who's about to kill herself because you didn't give her a bid?

yes. it wasn't a spelling mistake. defiantly is an actual word. and that scentence makes complete sence with that word in there. when i spelled definitely wrong the first time and spell checked i didn't pay close attention to what i was replacing the misspelled word with. and the first person that replied to me mentioned spelling errors.

this idea was inspired by one girl who publically make a very big deal about not getting a bid. there are many girls in my sorority that have classes with here or will in the future, see her almost daily on our quarter mile campus with 5 buildings, or would like to buy coffee from her at our one coffee bar with out awkward ness. but i also want it to be general enough so that other girls who only came to one event and was nice and well liked but simply did not get to know everyone to encourage to come out again. perhaps it's better to go by a person to person basis. this idea was mainly to give to the girls in my sorority incase they are approched by her they would either know what to say or have information for her to read about it if they didn't feel comfortable talking about it.

was the reason people became so offensive about the rest of my post was because i gave too much information? everyone seemed to focus on something that wasn't the actual question. i should have just simply said "what do i tell someone who doesn't get a bid"