What if you never get married? - Page 2

1908Revelations · #1 05-23-2007, 09:06 PM

TTT

1908Revelations · #2 05-23-2007, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HotDamnImAPhiMu

I agree. It's kind of like saying middle schoolers should be discouraged from talking about "when I go to college..." because they might not get in.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Don't discount yourself just yet... I use to resign myself to your thinking even after I got my Ph.D. But, then it happened so fast, I met somebody, dated him for a bit, then married him... And so now, I am married...

If you want to get married, you will... It may be in a different timeframe than what you anticipated... But it will come...

However, if you want children and you are under 35, I would seriously suggest harvesting your eggs before it gets too late, like it did for me... Then you don't have to have the "rigamaroll" of infertility and biological clock explosions when you actually do meet that special someone...

I agree.

When I first read the title of this post I think my heart skipped a beat, but seroiusly there is nothing wrong with having thoughts geared toward the future.

ETA
But if I don't....life does go on!

KSUViolet06 · #3 05-24-2007, 10:44 AM

If I never get married, I'd still have a fulfilling life. I'd still do all the things I plan on doing. My goals in life (adopting kids, getting my Masters, etc) are not contingent upon whether or not I get married.

The women who are unmarried and miserable are those who have decided that,unless they are married, certain things cannot happen. For example, I've heard girls say that they don't want to do this or that until they get married (i.e. "I want to wait until after I get married to get my Masters, so my hubby can support me while I go back to school"). So that means, if you never get married, then you'll never get an advanced degree, and you'll eventually regret trying planning your career around a marriage that never happened.

susan314 · #4 05-24-2007, 01:01 PM

I never planned to get married and have kids. Actually, there was a stretch of time in my early 20s or so, where I was certain that I never wanted to get married or have kids. (My uncle likes to pick on me about that occasionally.

)

Here I am now though...33 and happily married w/2 toddlers. Guess it all worked out in the end. However, I know that I would be perfectly happy right now if it had never happened. (I'm glad it did happen, of course...just saying that in some parallel universe where I never met my husband, I'm sure I'm happily sitting on a beach drinking margaritas.)

One thing I never did was set some sort of deadline for myself (If I'm not married by X age...). I had a guy friend who had his whole life planned out in very specific detail...he was going to play the field during college, work for a few years, meet the perfect woman, get married at 27, have a kid or two by age 30, etc. We used to laugh at him and remind him that he didn't necessarily have much control over whether he met the perfect girl at the right time. (And, of course, we sadly watched him pass up a few great prospects in college b/c meeting the right girl wasn't on his schedule until about 25 or so.

)

He did meet a girl at 25. She was totally not right for him. But, I think he tried for awhile to turn the relationship into something it wasn't, b/c it fit according to his timetable. Thankfully, she dumped him eventually...I don't think he would have dumped her otherwise, so he could have ended up in an unhappy marriage. He was really hard on himself for awhile about not living up to his own expectations, but it all worked out in the end...he met a great woman, got married at 31, and they have a wonderful son now.

You just have to take things as they come - if you settle b/c you're not married by a certain age, you might miss out on a great partner who you could have met had you held out another year or two (or five) before taking yourself off the market.

Lady Pi Phi · #5 01-05-2005, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rudey
That's true.

Lady Pi Phi I believe it makes perfect sense. You can be a crazy old lady with lots of cats and a mail order groom who will buy cat food!

-Rudey

You know, it just might work.

XOMichelle · #6 01-05-2005, 02:56 PM

Hmm. That is a difficult question. I don't know what I'd do. I mean, I definitely want to have a family of my own someday, like the one I grew up in (but better!). Anyway it turns out I will do whatever makes me happy and keeps me fulfilled.

GeekyPenguin · #7 01-05-2005, 03:02 PM

I would throw myself into my work and make sure that Rudith has to keep taking tests.

Peaches-n-Cream · #8 01-05-2005, 03:14 PM

I never really wanted to get married. I just want to be the star of a party and get lots of presents.

Lil' Hannah · #9 01-05-2005, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Peaches-n-Cream
I never really wanted to get married. I just want to be the star of a party and get lots of presents.

Maybe you should have a bat mitzvah?

PhiPsiRuss · #10 01-05-2005, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Peaches-n-Cream
I never really wanted to get married. I just want to be the star of a party and get lots of presents.

Maybe you can marry yourself.

midwesterngirl · #11 01-05-2005, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Peaches-n-Cream
I never really wanted to get married. I just want to be the star of a party and get lots of presents.

Thank you for your honesty.I have a friend who is getting married,who isn't in love with the man in the least but is allowing him and his parents to help pay for their hugely elaborate wedding.

I'm like you though Tracy,I have never had any desire to be married ever.As I get older,it sounds even less appealing.Quite frankly,looking at my married friends,I'm not sure how many of them are all that happy.

aephi alum · #12 01-05-2005, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Peaches-n-Cream
I never really wanted to get married. I just want to be the star of a party and get lots of presents.

But that's what a wedding is all about, for the bride! The groom is just incidental.

axidhawkeye · #13 01-05-2005, 03:42 PM

im in the not when but if it happens boat. if it happens, it happens, but in the mean time, i've got to get through college and grad school, and those are bigger concerns to me than marriage.

i'm planning on keeping my last name (i have awsome initials, in my own opinion), so i can still use my monograms and whatnot.

ps - valkyrie - you're not odd

i grew up in the suburbs (of chicago) in a very republican community, in the "traditional" family, and i feel the same way

Peaches-n-Cream · #14 01-05-2005, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by midwesterngirl
Thank you for your honesty.I have a friend who is getting married,who isn't in love with the man in the least but is allowing him and his parents to help pay for their hugely elaborate wedding.

I'm like you though Tracy,I have never had any desire to be married ever.As I get older,it sounds even less appealing.Quite frankly,looking at my married friends,I'm not sure how many of them are all that happy.

I was joking about the presents. I guess that I should have added this

little smilie or an lol.

I am not married. I don't know if marriage is in my future or not, and I'm not going to stop living my life on my terms just in case. My advice is if you want a monogram or a tattoo, get it. (Tattoos aren't my taste, but that's a different story.) I have a few other thoughts on the subject, but I'll add them later.

aephi alum · #15 01-05-2005, 03:59 PM

It's a bit silly to plan things revolving around something that might or might not happen. It's one thing if you're engaged or in a serious relationship that looks like it's headed that way, to be thinking, say, "maybe I won't buy that monogrammed item yet because I'll be getting married and changing my name soon", but if your potential future spouse isn't even on the horizon, why limit yourself because you "might" get married someday?