Can I get some advice from people I don't know? - Page 2

James · #16 04-14-2003, 12:24 AM

(James says in a drawling voice) I'd be kind of turned on if my girlfriend got rough and tried to beat me up

.

Hey, but thats just me.

Quote:

Originally posted by Cream
Abuse is abuse is abuse. There really aren't degrees in my mind. I've heard of women abusing men and men abusing women. There are also violent gay relationships. They are all bad.

I think that an average sized men can more seriously injure an averaged sized woman when there are no weapons involved.

Peaches-n-Cream · #17 04-14-2003, 12:29 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
(James says in a drawling voice) I'd be kind of turned on if my girlfriend got rough and tried to beat me up .

Hey, but thats just me.

James, do you have a girlfriend? If not, I am willing to kick your ass. lol!

-Cream
--turning James on

gphiangel624 · #18 04-14-2003, 03:43 AM

In defense of the guys, I don't feel they are being anti-brotherly or putting me before their bro. Yes, it's nice that they can tell me to my face that they believe I'm better off without him, but I doubt they would say that to his face because their his bros, and that's fine with me. I just feel that they are standing up for what they believe, and if they believe I'm better off with a guy like Mark, then that's fine by me.

For an update, Alex called me tonight, asking me to come over because his roommates weren't home and he wanted a booty call. I told him that I've been hesitant and that I'd rather just talk to him, as a friend, but couldn't talk on the phone because my entire family was all over my house.

So instead, I went over to his place. I basically got right to the point: that I had two reasons to be extremely hesitant with the friends with benefits thing. I told him that 1) i felt that he was disrespecting me as a friend by asking me to do this, that I would be disrespecting him as a friend if I did, and that we would be jeopardizing what is left of our friendship. Reason 2) I told Alex "what if" either of us starting seeing other people, that I would not want either of us to feel as if we were doing something completely wrong. He told me he understood, that he just wanted to have the physical part of our relationship to continue, and I told him that it wasn't fair to either of us, esp. me. He asked if I was dating someone else, I told him no, but that I met someone interesting, and kind of wanted to pursue it. He pushed me and pushed me until I told him it was Mark, and he knows Mark, and he actually said he thinks Mark is a good guy.

So we continued talking about a few things. Alex is into another girl as well, but hasn't really pursued it yet (they're going to each other's formals next month), and I told him to go for it. He pissed me off because during a lull in our conversation, he bluntly asked me if I wanted to have sex. I told him I was still extremely hesitant, and sat there to talk about it. I could tell he was kind of upset, but he claimed he wasn't. I went upstairs to get my things, and he asked me again, so I looked him in the face and told him NO....

You guys have no idea how proud I am of myself right now. Alex asked if I meant no, not tonight, or no, not ever again. I said not ever again, that I just want to be friends and it's not worth disrespecting myself to just have a physical relationship with him. I could tell he was a little bothered, but I left anyways.

I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you guys for your support! I feel like there's complete closure to our relationship now and I feel so much better...

navane · #19 04-14-2003, 05:17 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by gphiangel624

So we continued talking about a few things. Alex is into another girl as well, but hasn't really pursued it yet (they're going to each other's formals next month), and I told him to go for it. He pissed me off because during a lull in our conversation, he bluntly asked me if I wanted to have sex. I told him I was still extremely hesitant, and sat there to talk about it. I could tell he was kind of upset, but he claimed he wasn't. I went upstairs to get my things, and he asked me again, so I looked him in the face and told him NO....

You guys have no idea how proud I am of myself right now. Alex asked if I meant no, not tonight, or no, not ever again. I said not ever again, that I just want to be friends and it's not worth disrespecting myself to just have a physical relationship with him. I could tell he was a little bothered, but I left anyways.

I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you guys for your support! I feel like there's complete closure to our relationship now and I feel so much better...

Oh my goodness!! YOU GO GIRL!!!! That was so awesome! Not that you "shot him down" but that you approached him in an honest and straightforward way. You took actions which matched your values! Way to go! I don't even know you and I'm proud of you!

.....Kelly

MTSUGURL · #20 04-14-2003, 07:50 AM

GOOD GIRL! You rock! Now if only five million other girls would follow your example. (Yes,I know 5 mil is an exaggeration...)

Crystal

AOIIalum · #21 04-14-2003, 08:01 AM

Quote:

Now if only five million other girls would follow your example. (Yes,I know 5 mil is an exaggeration...)

It wouldn't surprise me if 5 million wasn't an exaggeration, especially if you replaced girls with people!

gphiangel624, Congratulations on standing your ground and not changing your mind. It sounds like it was a tough conversation for you to have and you handled it honestly and with conviction. Good for you!

Christin

twinstars · #22 04-14-2003, 08:15 AM

That's incredible! I'm so proud of you!!!

Don't you feel better now?

AlphaFrog · #23 04-14-2003, 10:25 AM

I might be a little late with this, but now that you've gotten the "Alex" thing taken care of you can focus on "Mark".

This is my advice about Mark: Mark knows he might be transferring and becoming a brother. He also knows where he stands with Alex and his roommates. If I were you, I would think about leaving the decsion of whether to pursue or not mostly in his hands...of course you get some say, but if he feels it will work out fine, trust him. If he wants to give it some more time, if he's worth it, give him the time. I know these things can be hard to talk about, but if you can't talk about them then how can you have a relationship?

And congrats with Alex....alot of girls would have caved...good show

texas*princess · #24 04-14-2003, 11:49 AM

YAY! Way to go gphiangel624 !!!! That is so incredibly awesome!

James · #25 04-14-2003, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by gphiangel624
In defense of the guys, I don't feel they are being anti-brotherly or putting me before their bro. Yes, it's nice that they can tell me to my face that they believe I'm better off without him, but I doubt they would say that to his face because their his bros, and that's fine with me. (emphasis added) I just feel that they are standing up for what they believe, and if they believe I'm better off with a guy like Mark, then that's fine by me.

Uhhh. Not only are his brothers backstabbers but they are two faced.

A word about Alex also. You did a good thing facing down your temptation, and he really has no right to accept unless . . .

Unless you maintained sometype of physical intimacy (sex or hook-ups) with him AFTER the formal breaking up.

IF you did, then you were still brave, but he has a valid reason to be hurt and confused. Why? Because it wouldbe like a second break-up.

The first break-up was from going steady. The second break-up was from "dating", which is what friends with benefits really are.

gphiangel624 · #26 04-14-2003, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James

IF you did, then you were still brave, but he has a valid reason to be hurt and confused. Why? Because it wouldbe like a second break-up.

The first break-up was from going steady. The second break-up was from "dating", which is what friends with benefits really are.

Yes, Alex and I did hookup once after we broke up, which is why I'm sure he thought that asking me to continue was ok. But after thinking about it, and regretting it, that's when I came to the conclusion that it wasn't right. I don't think he has a right to be hurt, but maybe confused. He hurt me when he broke up with me (remember, James, I told you that I never even got a good reason). He's probably confused because he wants to be with me just for the benefits, but I don't think he has a right to be hurt, considering he hurt me initially and just wanted me around for sex.

I saw Alex today on campus and waved hi to him. He looked me directly in the face (i was seriously 5 feet away), but didn't say hi back. It was kind of rude, but whatever.

And yes, twinstars, I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER ABOUT MYSELF!!!!!!!

pinkyphimu · #27 04-14-2003, 06:58 PM

yippee!!! i am so excited for you! i know that it must have been tough for you to do it, but i am sure you feel a lot better now! taking charge of your life is a wonderful thing! who cares if alex was sad and confused??? he thought that you were not good enough to date, but good enough to sleep with. bleck. stupid boy. take care of yourself and don't worry about him!

keep hanging out with mark and keep us posted how that goes!

MTSUGURL · #28 04-15-2003, 01:50 AM

And once again I say, you rock!

Crystal

gphiangel624 · #29 05-05-2003, 02:13 AM

For those of you who were so supportive of my drama... THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And now, an update...

Alex and I are "friends," if you can call it that. We rarely talk and when we do, it's online and he's basically grilling me about the guys I talk to, etc. I think it's really funny when he says it's weird to think that I might be with someone else, and he got a little pissed when I told him that it was his fault that it's weird and that he put me in the position to do whatever I want. He tells me a bunch of BS, like the girl he's with is "just a friend with benefits" but then he tells my sister (and one of my best friends) that this new girl is his girlfriend. It cracks me up. He's a moron, but whatevs.

As for Mark... he hooked up with yet another one of my sisters and thought I didn't know. She thought I hated her when she found out I kinda liked him (I'm not- she didn't know about me and him), and she and I have been so close lately that Mark is a little freaked out. I confronted him on it and he tried to play it off that he "doesn't usually do stuff like hook up" and he's "only kissed 5 girls, ever." So I called him on it- "mark, you're telling me that of the 5 girls you've kissed, 3 of us were in the same room in one night, and a fourth was down the street?" That was fun. In a nutshell, Mark and I are cool now. We're friends, not interested in each other, but we have fun when we go out with all his roommates and my friends. He's someone I can talk to now, without having weirdness.

I'm all excited now bc. I ran into an old friend that I've always wanted to get involved with (he always felt the same), and he's now my date to my last formal! I'm so stoked bc. Alex and my other ex that I was with during college were NEVER excited about my formals and it always brought me down- but this guy, Rick, is so totally excited and that makes me thrilled!

Thanks again to all of you for your help and for allowing me to vent, bitch, cry, and complain!

LeslieAGD · #30 05-05-2003, 11:49 AM

Yay for Rick! I'm glad you've found someone fun amidst all the drama!