can't have kids

[PenguinTrax]

Don't forget that you and your future DH could still have your own biological children by your donating eggs and using a surrogate birth mother.

On a related note, any man that truly loves you enough to be with you forever won't turn your back on you just because you can't give birth to your own children. He would accept adoption or surrogacy and love you just the same.

[aephi alum]

Unfortunately, my sister had a different condition.

I'm a little shocked at your boyfriend's reaction - he doesn't want to marry a woman who can't bear his children?? If he truly loves you, that won't matter.

KappaKittyCat, what a beautiful poem.

I don't have much to add to what was said above, other than to say that I feel for what you're going though.

because of my history of anorexia, I miscarried my first child last summer, and was told that it's very possible I will lose any further pregnancys I might have, because my ED stunted my puberty and didn't let my uterus develop properly.

That was a year ago, and i'm still learning how to deal with it. It's been my dream all my life to be a wife and mother, and having that possibility taken away is something you have to learn to deal with every day.

re: your boyfriend's reaction. My boyfriend (at the time) reacted similarly when I told him the news. He said he never wants children, but wouldn't want to be with someone who couldn't bear him one, if he changed his mind. We've since broken up, and he's told me now, since there's been some time and some emotional distance, that his reaction was mainly out of fear and ignorance. It's difficult for men to understand how deeply ingrained the desire for children (or at least ability to have children) is in a womans mind and heart. One of the biggest things I had to learn was not to think I was "less than a woman" because of my health issues. That can be difficult for men to understand.

Give him, and especially yourself, some time. These emotions aren't going to go away in a week, or a month, or even a year. Hopefully your boyfriend will realize that the best way to get through this, for both of you, will be to do it together.

[IvySpice]

Jacqueline,

It didn't take very long for me to feel all right about the situation, but for you it will take as long as it needs to, you know? I think I was lucky in that I had always imagined adopting anyway, so maybe it was less of a loss for me.

When I was reading your second post, I just kept thinking, "What kind of jerk is she dating," and even though this is probably an especially tough time to be dealing with a breakup, there's no doubt in my mind that YOU can do a lot better. Your ex-boyfriend sounds like he's got some serious growing up to do. I mean, he hears that you have gotten some very upsetting medical news and he's immediately thinking about the consequences to himself!? He is laboring under the impression that he is somehow ENTITLED to have someone bear his children? I'm sorry, but I have NO patience for this type of selfishness from someone who is supposed to be in your corner. He wouldn't know anything about what "decent guys" do if he had ten years of private lessons.

Ivy

[HotDamnImAPhiMu]

HAHAHAHAH! That completely cracked me up -- the part about "private lessons!" hahahaha. Oh man. Seriously, though, I have NO IDEA what to do about this guy. I think when a girl feels like things are falling apart....... sometimes it's a natural tendancy to try and cling to something that's comfortable, stable, even if it's not the best thing for you.

So I kind of am having trouble figuring out if that's the case -- this is the wrong guy in the wrong situation -- or if I just need to give him a little time.

Any thoughts?

greek love!
~ Jacquelyn.

[chideltjen]

sweetie there are probably PLENTY of men out there that would accept the fact that you cannot have children. I am interested in adopting a child myself when I get married and so on. My grandma adopted my uncle and he in turn adopted my cousin. I also dated a guy that was adopted by his family. Point being, there are thousands of kids out there that need a loving home and loving parents. Being a mother should be the least of your troubles because there are lots of opportunities out there.
As for you situation now, like a previous poster said, it will come in stages. You will do fine.
And find a new man that loves you for who you are and what you will become. I can feel you on the whole comfortable thing. I was "comfortable" with my last bf for over a year when it really wasn't the best option for me. Plenty of fish in the sea i say.