Disappointed Mom

[Shellfish]

Am I the only person who thinks it odd that someone who hasn't been through recruitment yet or even been to college is offering feedback?

[adiisis]

My daughter is rushing this week at a large SEC school (TAMU) and knows under no condition should she go anywhere that is the least bit questionable, permission or not. She has worked too long and hard for this experience and wants to be greek so badly to put herself into any type of questionable situation. It's Gig'em week - parties everywhere. Thursday night the Aggies play South Carolina and her fish camp group is watching the party together but she isn't. She doesn't want to risk it.

[azureblue]

I can't believe that a Pi Chi said it was okay to visit a fraternity house during Recruitment week. That is just such an absolute no-no.

[Pamt]

I agree. She did however say go with the caveat not to "talk" to any sorority girls but she never should have gone. I told her not to, but all we can do is offer advice. AND be supportive when it didn't work out they way she wanted.

[Katmandu]

Originally Posted by Pamt

I agree. She did however say go with the caveat not to "talk" to any sorority girls but she never should have gone. I told her not to, but all we can do is offer advice. AND be supportive when it didn't work out they way she wanted.

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Pamt, I think you are a great Mom with a great attitude. You are supportive, but honest, a rare combination. It is so hard to watch them have those difficult experiences. I hope she has a great year....you too!

[kiteflyersmom]

On another note.....

It could be that catty, jealous girls used the only power they have- and cut her from rush. Young people do many things we don't do later in life. They lack maturity. They may have been threatened by her and her popularity.

When I hear the parents of students (often they are the smart engineering students, and kids of that type) put down Greek life I am defensive. However, there is a certain amount of judgment- and it doesn't come from the best of people. So- maybe your daughter will be better off without these judgmental people with an "us against her" mentality.

Greek life went well for my first born, but I can understand why so many other kids want no part of it. Heck- look at the way people behave on this site. Enough said.
I know I'm going to get flamed- but that's ok.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by Pamt

I agree. She did however say go with the caveat not to "talk" to any sorority girls but she never should have gone. I told her not to, but all we can do is offer advice. AND be supportive when it didn't work out they way she wanted.

Hindsite is 20/20. Sophomores and other upperclassmen can have a tough time because they are a known quantity. Now's the time to move on, find other ways to be involved on campus and forget the whole experience. There are too many things to do in college to focus on this. I hope she has a great time for the rest of her time there.

[Pamt]

Thank you for the great advice. She does belong to a co-ed prelaw fraternity that took up a ton of time last year and she has a position in it this year that will take up even more. She is considering rushing a small non-Greek community service sorority in a few weeks. I feel that visiting the frat house rush week, even to visit with platonic friends was a mistake. However, after a tough Sunday, she is enjoying her classes, keeping busy and 'moving on.'

[DrPhil]

lane swerve/

While this mother's account may be accurate, it is generally the case that parents don't know their children as much as they believe. College is a time when many people "find themselves" and become their own person. Most people won't share that with their parents. Their parents will keep the "my little kid" version and every incident will be depicted as their daughter or son being an awesome person who was unfairly treated due to no fault of their own.

/lane swerve

[FSUZeta]

I know that some campuses have (or used to have) rules that "discouraged" PNMs from doing anything other than rush or school related activities during recruitment. PNMs went to dinners with their rush counselors and then the girls hung out in their dorms, rehashed their parties among themselves, watched TV, and got ready for the next day. PNMs were either told they could not go to fraternity parties during rush week, it was greatly discouraged, or it was suggested that it could be detrimental to their success in making it thru to bid day. Maybe your daughter's campus shares similar information with the PNMs, and the sororities looks at those girls who decide to go ahead and ignore the suggestion as potential risk management problems.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

I know that some campuses have (or used to have) rules that "discouraged" PNMs from doing anything other than rush or school related activities during recruitment.

Ugh, this is horrible. I understand not going to fraternity parties, but other social stuff/clubs/whatever? If you make recruitment someone's ENTIRE LIFE, no wonder women can't ignore tent talk and stuff.

[DubaiSis]

I think a big part of the problem of formal rush happening before school starts (although in general I think it's probably better) is the huge bubbles these girls live in and everything becomes exponentially more important than it would be otherwise. If they can see sorority life as a part of an entire college life experience and not the oh my god it's the only thing that matters for the rest of my life, then being cut by this or that chapter wouldn't seem as devastating.

[FSUZeta]

The campuses I referred to hold rush before classes start, so except for rush and fraternity parties not much else was going on.

[skgirl47]

Judgemental, boyfriend issues, srat girl issues, whatever it was, it's devastating to be released during Recruitment. Sometimes, worse for the mom than the PNM. I'm sorry that it ended that way for both of you. My best advice is rally the friends she has and move on to another campus organization where she will be happy. Best of luck to you.