Disappointed Mom
 

Hi I haven't visited this site for awhile. I wish I had. My daughter just rushed at a strong SEC school. She was sick with strep last year so she waited until this year. We knew it was harder as a sophomore but chose to give it her best shot.

She has a strong GPA (3.58) Nine rec letters, an outgoing pleasant personality, "clean" social media, appropriate rush attire and like everyone else, gorgeous :) She hated some houses, liked others and loved four of them.

She was dropped by two thirds after first round, had 5/6 what she thought were wonderful interviews on round 2 and the house where she had killer recs ( past president of the chapter on this campus) she had a horrible interview.

After round two she was cut. It is very disappointing. She (with permission from the Pi Chi) did visit friends at a Frat house that week. I didn't agree but what can you do? No drinking, no inappropriate behavior of any kind. She visited this house often last year as well; she has two platonic guy friends there and did note some "glares" from sorority sisters as she had a brief relationship with one other guy there.

I'm searching for an answer though we'll never know. Any thoughts? Did the Frat house visits do her in? I'm thinking they didn't help. I know there are many qualified, smart, beautiful, well rounded girls like mine that didn't get a bid but it really stings.

I think you might already know the answer to your question.

Disappointed Mom
 

Yes, I think I do. Thank you :)

Is it worth it trying again in Spring or do they have long memories?

You might use this as a teachable moment, that your life doesn't neatly compartmentalize itself and behavior she saw as perfectly innocent was seen as, what, slutty, aggressive, unsisterly, whatever by the sorority women she encountered at the fraternity house. If you are not in a sorority but want to be, you should consider every encounter with sorority women as a rush event. Fair? Maybe not. But she had an opportunity to make friends with the women there and instead (apparently) made some enemies. It might not be too late to repair her reputation. It's worth trying anyway.

I wouldn't say we're elephants, however - we do tend to have long memories. She needs to decide if she's willing to try again, and accept a bid from any chapter.

Long memories, plus she's an upperclassmen. She can sign up, but I wouldn't get my hopes up.

Thank you so much for such a great response :) I clearly remember asking if going to the Frat House during Rush week was "appropriate" and she assured my she was told it was fine just not to talk to other sorority girls at the time. One even asked her name which retrospectively was probably a very bad omen. It is hard for her and I won't lie, to me, as we thought we prepared well and to possibly have blown this over an innocent evening or past jealously from last year, is a very "teachable" thing.

I dunno, I'm not so quick to brush over this part, either:

Don't forget that your daughter was on campus for a whole year already. It sounds like she's made friends in the Greek community. It honestly could be anything, it might not even have to do with this most recent visit. It just stands to say that a year is a long time to make questionable choices.

And remember that these are 18-22 year old women, their reasons aren't always rational.

It's kind of ironic as last year she kept commenting on how "drunk" the girls were and she (seriously) rarely drinks. She knew some were envious of the guy she was dating but then again, said they were so drunk, she doubted they'd remember her...

I can't figure out why she thought it was an "innocent evening". Having been on campus for a year, dating a fraternity guy and evidently raising some emotions in sorority girls, I am having a hard time buying what she's selling, mom. She knew at some level this was risky/not a great idea. I also agree that the "hating some" may be significant. She may have shown some of her attitude and it bit her, especially as a soph.

Am I the only person who thinks it odd that someone who hasn't been through recruitment yet or even been to college is offering feedback?

Not sure why it's ironic. If they were at the same fraternity house on a frequent basis last year, she would be a known entity to them, especially if she was a non-Greek dating a fraternity man. If she knew they were envious, it would seem foolish to even risk it.

Also, as someone else pointed out, you said she "hated" some of the houses. If she "hated" the houses, there is a good chance she wasn't particularly at her friendliest when she went through; word gets around to other houses because girls have friends in every house.

Hopefully she has learned from this. She is lucky to have a supportive mother like you who seems to have a good head on her shoulders.

Your daughter sounds really judgmental. Maybe that's why she was released.