Dear PNM's and their moms

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

I have to agree that young people these days have very little experience with rejection or failure. It used to be that kids would get their first taste of rejection, say, when they were 7 years old and weren't picked for their local Little League team, or when they were 12 years old and weren't picked for the school choir. Now "everyone's a winner" and the first time these young people run into rejection is when they go through NPC recruitment and a chapter cuts them.

This post made me try to think of my first rejection moment. Pretty sure it was 2nd grade Christmas play. I didn't get to be the North Star in the sky who guided the Wisemen. I was crushed for about 5 minutes. lol. But yeah, it was early.

[FSUZeta]

i would have let you be the north star ksuviolet!

swamp thang, thanks for your thread. it should be required reading of all pnms and parents!

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

This post made me try to think of my first rejection moment. Pretty sure it was 2nd grade Christmas play. I didn't get to be the North Star in the sky who guided the Wisemen. I was crushed for about 5 minutes. lol. But yeah, it was early.

Recruitment was ironically one of the first times in my life I didn't face rejection. Though had I been at a competitive school I'm sure it would've been a very, very different story I'm sure.

This thread definitely needs to be required reading...to the OP, well said, all of it!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

Recruitment was ironically one of the first times in my life I didn't face rejection. Though had I been at a competitive school I'm sure it would've been a very, very different story I'm sure.

You took the words right out of my mouth. Although I'm sure if I'd rushed my first semester at college, competitive or noncompetitive school, I wouldn't have had the amount of confidence I did when I did rush. I had to shake off the hometown dust a little bit before I could get anywhere. That's why I have such a hard time understanding these chapters that take all the people from the same hometown, and the people who join them.

[Zillini]

This thread so refreshing to read from a mom. Thank you!

[AZTheta]

This thread is absolutely dead-on, not only just the OP but everyone else who has posted.

Loved the "life is fair" card comment almost as much as the "slap" comment. Haven't we all felt that way?

For the umpteenth time: there are no bad chapters. And if you want a huge dose of reality, leave your insular community and state, and move to the Big City out of state, where your beloved QRS is non-existent, but DEF, HIJ, ABC etc, are the movers & shakers in Panhellenic & other circles, and they warmly welcome you because you are a Greek woman first and foremost. That's what really matters.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by 33girl

You took the words right out of my mouth. Although I'm sure if I'd rushed my first semester at college, competitive or noncompetitive school, I wouldn't have had the amount of confidence I did when I did rush. I had to shake off the hometown dust a little bit before I could get anywhere. That's why I have such a hard time understanding these chapters that take all the people from the same hometown, and the people who join them.

I did it right out of the gate, which in my case was a good thing...no time to do anything spectacularly stupid that would've gotten me cut later. I had my mom picking out my outfits, finding recs all summer, and reminding me over and over not to take anything personally, so though I wasn't confident I was prepared. But my fairly mediocre GPA and list of activities probably wouldn't have gotten me nearly so far at a school like UA for instance. I'm glad I had the experience I did because it was a huge confidence boost and after my high school experience I needed it. I was pretty used to rejection, and it was nice to not get it.

But I can understand how a PNM who has been president of clubs, in SGA, Homecoming Queen, etc. has a hard time understanding when she gets massive cuts during recruitment. It's hard at any age to not take rejection personally, but at least for me it was much harder at that age than it is now.

PS-I purposefully went to a school with few kids from my high school attending and even fewer in the Greek system...sometimes it's nice to start over. But I'm not one of those people that will be returning to my hometown and needs the connections. I get why some people don't break out of their shell, at least from my community.

[SwampThang]

I agree with all of y'alls posts. It is hard for kids to deal with rejection having the "let's not hurt anyones feelings, everyone is the same, everyone can play" mentality which has been pervasive for the past generation. Because my dd almost dropped out, except for her Pi Chi (Rho Chi is what it used to be!) the past two years she has been a Pi Chi, helping to offer support to other PNMs who may be feeling the same way! I am very proud of her. And I didn't even have to slap her!! By the way, she is a proud owl!

[BSCAXOalum]

My mother is the head of a private, college prep school. Don't get her started about little Johnny's self esteem getting hurt. Omg. And letting all the cheerleaders try out make it. NO WONDER! Not making cheerleading in 9th grade (after being told by eeeevvveryone I would--sound familiar) was the best life lesson I can remember. And having to go to school the next morning and hear the list of those who made it called out on the intercom! The school would be sued these days........lord help.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by BSCAXOalum

And having to go to school the next morning and hear the list of those who made it called out on the intercom! The school would be sued these days........lord help.

Or hearing who made it/who got captain at a school wide assembly. Where you're trapped in a room filled with everyone in the school and everyone will notice if you get up to go cry. That was fun.

But I'm not bitter, though.

[KSUViolet06]

I had a friend who coached cheer who quit when her director wanted her to get rid of tryouts for the 4th/5th grade team. He had gotten some parental complaints from those girls who hadn't made it last year, and he wanted to make it more "fair."

[ASUADPi]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

I have to agree that young people these days have very little experience with rejection or failure. It used to be that kids would get their first taste of rejection, say, when they were 7 years old and weren't picked for their local Little League team, or when they were 12 years old and weren't picked for the school choir. Now "everyone's a winner" and the first time these young people run into rejection is when they go through NPC recruitment and a chapter cuts them, or when they go through NIC recruitment and don't get a bid from their favorite fraternity, or when they go through NPHC rush and don't get selected. And they say "ZOMG, how could DEF not want ME?!" - even if DEF wasn't their favorite.

I'm glad your daughter is a happy ABC and didn't drop out because DEF cut her.

OMG so true. My first rejection, that I remember, was in 5th grade when I didn't make choir. It got worse in high school. I didn't make the top choir, I didn't make cheer one year. It was a part of life. Yeah it hurt, but isn't the saying something like "whatever hurts you makes you stronger" (something like that).

Now everything is about placating them. When I coached freshmen cheer in 08. I could take 12-15 girls (I say that number because it was "up in the air" of whether I would get a new uniform or not, if not only 12 girls, if so 15). Well I was essentially "forced" by the head coach to take 12 girls and 2 alternates and 1 manager. Only like 2 girls were cut. I was like really this is stupid. I only had like 17 girls trying out in the first place.

I just don't see the point why everyone has to "make the team" or "make the play" etc...because it is not going to prepare them for the future, as evidenced on this boards via our recruitment threads and the PNM's who "I'm so pretty, and smart and have tons of extra curriculars and OMG they dropped me".

I wanna say to them, you are now a little fish in a huge pond.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by ASUADPi

OMG so true. My first rejection, that I remember, was in 5th grade when I didn't make choir. It got worse in high school. I didn't make the top choir, I didn't make cheer one year. It was a part of life. Yeah it hurt, but isn't the saying something like "whatever hurts you makes you stronger" (something like that).

Now everything is about placating them. When I coached freshmen cheer in 08. I could take 12-15 girls (I say that number because it was "up in the air" of whether I would get a new uniform or not, if not only 12 girls, if so 15). Well I was essentially "forced" by the head coach to take 12 girls and 2 alternates and 1 manager. Only like 2 girls were cut. I was like really this is stupid. I only had like 17 girls trying out in the first place.

I just don't see the point why everyone has to "make the team" or "make the play" etc...because it is not going to prepare them for the future, as evidenced on this boards via our recruitment threads and the PNM's who "I'm so pretty, and smart and have tons of extra curriculars and OMG they dropped me".

I wanna say to them, you are now a little fish in a huge pond.

There's a balance. As one of the kids that tried her hardest (at least when I was a little kid and hadn't given up yet) and almost never got picked for anything or won anything, it would've been good for me to on occasion feel included. I'm not talking about school sports teams or other teams/clubs that are and should be genuinely competitive. But in Little-League type organizations I think the practice of giving them all a little trophy is a good thing. Kids should learn early on that you can't always win, and it's not the end of the world when you don't, but a little ego boost on occasion is a good thing.

[BAMA2]

The problem with letting everyone make everything is that kids never have the experience of saying to themselves "well I didn't make this, maybe I should go try something different that I may be good at and that I might like even better". And because they don't have that experience in trying something different and enjoying it and/or succeeding at it, they don't have the ability to see how there are other potentially great possiblities out there when they get cut from the sorority they thought they were destined for.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by BAMA2

The problem with letting everyone make everything is that kids never have the experience of saying to themselves "well I didn't make this, maybe I should go try something different that I may be good at and that I might like even better". And because they don't have that experience in trying something different and enjoying it and/or succeeding at it, they don't have the ability to see how there are other potentially great possiblities out there when they get cut from the sorority they thought they were destined for.

That's where the balance comes in.