Not Keen on Having Kids support thread - Page 2

tld221 · #1 09-06-2009, 11:56 PM

Yay, ive found my home.

It's hard to be of the "kids? don't want them, don't need them" category when you work for a children's non-profit. I'm forced to pretend to like children, or at the very least tolerate them. When my bosses bring their kids in, everyone's all "OMGZ he/she's so CUUUUUUUTE!" it's a little nauseating.

i don't like the pressure of feeling like i SHOULD want children. and most people think im great with kids, would be a great parent. children are permanent. no takebacks. not interested.

I'm with KSU on the kids in R-rated theaters kicking chairs, and other reminiscent behavior, especially kids in restaurants after hours. or running amuck in department stores, public transit...

ok, ill stop now. this thread is a trigger word for me.

Senusret I · #2 09-07-2009, 12:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tld221

Yay, ive found my home.

It's hard to be of the "kids? don't want them, don't need them" category when you work for a children's non-profit.

LMAO

Such is the life of nonprofit pros. We get jobs that match our skills, but not necessarily our passions.

AGDee · #3 09-07-2009, 01:37 AM

Obviously, I'm not a person who doesn't want kids because I have two teenagers that I would trade for the world. HOWEVER, I think it's important to know yourself and know what you want. Nobody should have kids out of pressure from someone else (including a spouse) because it's HARD to be a parent, even when it's what you really want. It takes an inordinate amount of patience, money, time and sacrifice. I love my kids and have loved being a parent most of the time but I'm also counting down the years (5!) until they are both in college and I will have my life all to myself again. There are a lot of people who think I'm strange because I'm looking forward to having an "empty nest", but after almost 16 years of this incredible responsibility, I'm ready to do my own thing without thinking about anybody else's needs first. I think it will be a liberating thing, not a scary thing, but then, I have an identity outside of "daughter's mom" or "son's mom".

And, people always tell me "You don't stop being a parent when they turn 18", I think of it more like this.. when they turn 18, I am no longer responsible for them 24/7 as I am now. They will be adults and yes, they will need me in some ways, but it surely won't be the same as it is now.

One of the social workers that I worked with in adolescent psych has worked with children her whole career. She is now a school social worker. Her husband works for the Boys & Girls Club. They chose to be childless even though they are both wonderful with kids. They focus their talents on kids who need them but feel too independent to be tied down with kids of their own (and they both aren't sure they would have been able to deal with their own kids after spending all day with the kids they work with!). Very neat couple who were strong enough to know themselves.

So, for those who choose not to have kids, I most definitely support you, no matter what your reasons! Kudos to you!

Jimmy Choo · #4 09-07-2009, 01:51 AM

I'm not sold on having children yet myself. Somedays it sounds like a good plan...others not so much. And in all honesty I don't like kids, I like babies! Babies are cute, and they coo, and giggle and blow bubbles. Kids can be like mini-Satan's that tell you how much they hate you and say no all the time. When I remember that babies grow up into kids and then (even worse) teenagers....I think being childless sounds like a great plan.

AGDee said it best...you HAVE to want them!! Some people think you will want them after you have them. I personally think you have to WANT them first. Being a parent is hard work and it can be a thankless job. You HAVE to want it.

dreamseeker · #5 09-07-2009, 03:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimmy Choo

And in all honesty I don't like kids, I like babies! Babies are cute, and they coo, and giggle and blow bubbles. Kids can be like mini-Satan's that tell you how much they hate you and say no all the time. When I remember that babies grow up into kids and then (even worse) teenagers....I think being childless sounds like a great plan.

we are >here<.
i feel like at every stage there is a problem. babies poop and cry. toddlers mess up ur house and throw tantrums. kids talk too much and are annoying. teenagers think they know everything and make u homicidal.

im so glad my bf agrees with me on this. we're not crazy abt kids right now.

DaemonSeid · #6 09-07-2009, 08:56 AM

Question for everyone responding: Does looking at the world and what's going on around us (unsafe school environments, child abuse, preganancy, exposure to adult material at early ages etc) and how 'quickly' we see the world change around us also deters anyone from having kids?

agzg · #7 09-07-2009, 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Question for everyone responding: Does looking at the world and what's going on around us (unsafe school environments, child abuse, preganancy, exposure to adult material at early ages etc) and how 'quickly' we see the world change around us also deters anyone from having kids?

I don't think so, at least not for me. I may not want to have kids NOW because I'm not ready to guide a child through that type of minefield, but I'm confident that when I do choose to have children live-in and I both will be ready for that. I guess it's just part of parenting. Plus, as much as "the world has changed" I really don't think that my parents or my parents' parents didn't have similar concerns when they were planning their families.

What I don't need is nosey nosepieces asking when I'm going to start my family. Live-in and I aren't even married yet. Many people don't think marriage is important, and that's fine for them, but I'd like to keep our alone time pre-marriage baby free.

KSigkid · #8 09-07-2009, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Question for everyone responding: Does looking at the world and what's going on around us (unsafe school environments, child abuse, preganancy, exposure to adult material at early ages etc) and how 'quickly' we see the world change around us also deters anyone from having kids?

Not really - I think that stuff has been around for years. It's just that people gloss over it with their "Back in the day..." type stories.

DaemonSeid · #9 09-07-2009, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSigkid

Not really - I think that stuff has been around for years. It's just that people gloss over it with their "Back in the day..." type stories.

To a point true...but just one aspect...we didn't have kids killing each other in school at the rate as we were coming up unlike now.

But, I guess it's subjective

AOII Angel · #10 09-07-2009, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

To a point true...but just one aspect...we didn't have kids killing each other in school at the rate as we were coming up unlike now.

But, I guess it's subjective

Not that you knew of...

KSigkid · #11 09-07-2009, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

To a point true...but just one aspect...we didn't have kids killing each other in school at the rate as we were coming up unlike now.

But, I guess it's subjective

Do you know that for a fact, though? I would be interested to see statistics on school violence, especially comparing the number of incidents in past decades. Part of me wonders whether the publicity of it all is a post-Columbine issue.

ETA: I guess my point is that I'm not sure how much better things were "back in the day," or whether things were actually all that much safer for children.

SWTXBelle · #12 09-07-2009, 04:00 PM

I always wonder how much more is reported now vs. "back in the day" when it seems to me we were much less aware of a great deal outside of a fairly narrow sphere.

dreamseeker · #13 09-07-2009, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Question for everyone responding: Does looking at the world and what's going on around us (unsafe school environments, child abuse, preganancy, exposure to adult material at early ages etc) and how 'quickly' we see the world change around us also deters anyone from having kids?

my feelings stem from my own childhood and upbringing.

WCsweet<3 · #14 09-07-2009, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AGDee

Nobody should have kids out of pressure from someone else (including a spouse) because it's HARD to be a parent, even when it's what you really want. It takes an inordinate amount of patience, money, time and sacrifice. I love my kids and have loved being a parent most of the time but I'm also counting down the years (5!) until they are both in college and I will have my life all to myself again. There are a lot of people who think I'm strange because I'm looking forward to having an "empty nest", but after almost 16 years of this incredible responsibility, I'm ready to do my own thing without thinking about anybody else's needs first. I think it will be a liberating thing, not a scary thing, but then, I have an identity outside of "daughter's mom" or "son's mom".

The bold is why I don't want kids. I like my life. If I want to go to the beach on my day off, I don't want to have to worry about getting back in time to pick my kids up from school. I don't want the responsibility of teaching my kids how to do things correctly or know what to say when something happens. You aren't just having a cute little baby, you are having something that will grow and you have to teach it to be a responsible adult.

On the topic of comments on the "no-kid" stance:
"Oh whatever, you will be a great mom."
"You say that now. Just wait until you get older."
"But children are life's greatest accomplishment!"

I like dogs. I can do dogs. The idea of children is too much responsibility and... well many other things. Don't even get me started on pregnancy. Ick.

AGDee · #15 09-07-2009, 11:07 PM

I feel those of you who are complaining about doctors being reluctant to perform more permanent birth control methods. When I got divorced, I asked my doctor about getting my tubes tied (at age 37!) and was vehemently told "No way". I already HAD two kids and I absolutely knew that I never wanted to have another one. But my doctor said "Do you know how many women come in at age 40, are remarried and NOW want their tubals reversed because they want a baby with their new husband?" Well, here I am, at age 44, still having to deal with less effective methods because that woman didn't think I knew what I wanted at the time. I definitely get it! I'm going to ask about Essure the next time I go in.