Sorry to hear about your loss. I will pray for you.
As far as knowing that there is life after death, let me tell you this occasion in my family:
All my grandfather's brothers had passed including himself, except for one brother. That one was terminally ill with cancer. On his deathbed, with family surrounding him while he was in and out of conciousness (sp.), the last words and expressions that came from him before he left this Earth were, "Dickie (my grandfather), it that you! Hey! All of you are here in this bright light! It's so good to see you all!" as he smiled very happily and brightly as if he were "skipping" like a little boy toward them. Then he took his last breath...
I was not there, but if there isn't a God in Heaven, then I don't know very much!
You are more than entitled to your grief and take it now while you can. At least you CAN grieve for your beloved cousin.
And just maybe she was trying to tell you that she knew that she would not see you on this Earth and that she loved you very much before she left... At least you were able to get that...
I know that my mere statements are no consolation, but I hope you can find some comfort that you are truly not alone in this big, wide Universe...
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