Quote:
Originally Posted by Tdlegacy
Maybe I did not explain the situation well enough. My intention was to ask for advice for anyone who has been in this situation. We are well aware of the rules of recruitment. She was told all week that she would be in the sorority. After the sorority girls on the last day told her who would be her big and what the date party would be and you are in for sure did she ask about if she should only write their name down because she was told if she did that a sorority would put you name at the bottom of the list. I do not think that is a bad question to ask if all sororities handle it differently. Her rho gams would not specifically know every sororities position on intentional bidding. Both panhel and an officer of the sorority have reached out to us to say the behavior of the sorority was wrong because they are trained in what they can and cannot say. As far as the bid she did not accept a girl in that chapter made a derogatory remark to her. I would not allow her to join a sorority that did that during recruitment. We have some of the dirty rushing in writing and witnesses to the derogatory remark. If anyone has been through this kind of situation and has any advice I would appreciate it. Panhel told her to contact the National chapter and the NPC. I am just not sure if that is the right thing to do. Please do not give parenting advice. I know she should live with disappointment and inferring that a 17 year old did something wrong is a judgement that is not needed right now. Please only comment if you have been through this type of situation and any advice you can provide in how to handle it.
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You're asking sorority women about sorority recruitment. I think we all have some right to answer here. You asked a question, so we're providing responses. I don't think that any information you've been provided was in any way disparaging your daughter or judging your parenting skills.
Yes, your daughter asking that question of them might have turned them off or put them in a tight spot. Might have. None of us can say for sure. We weren't there. But again, that's what her recruitment counselor is for - to discuss her options. RFM applies to all of the sororities equally. And if she thought she was being dirty rushed, she should have brought it to someone's attention sooner and she shouldn't have asked that question of the chapter members that were dirty rushing her.
However, you ended your second post saying that you don't believe the sorority did anything malicious and you think there were miscalculations made. It was explained why miscalculations were not the issue.
Now you're saying there's evidence of and witnesses to the dirty rushing and you're asking if you should potentially send this up the chain of command.
Ultimately, it's your daughter's decision. But
in my opinion, if she makes this a big deal now, she may kill any chance she has of joining a sorority. Since recruitment is over and she only brought this to someone's attention after she didn't get the bid she wanted, it may come back to bite her. Not pointing fingers here! But I'm sure that would be an argument made against her. But there's relatively few details for us to go on, so saying to do one thing over another is difficult without all of the facts in front of us. I'm not saying you should provide them all, but that's the position we're in here.
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