The importance of conversation/personality during recruitment

[funinthesun]

I have a daughter who is only a sophomore in HS. She has the 4.0 GPA, tons of community service hours already, and I know I have mom goggles on, but she is a very pretty girl. And I think she will do terrible in recruitment... She is quite shy. She speaks softly and quietly, and she gets nervous and self conscious in big groups. She has a heart of gold, is an excellent friend and listener, lots of fun and witty once you get to know her. I want to help her now. NOT because of recruitment, but I think overcoming this kind of shyness will help in general. Any advice would be appreciated.

[carnation]

This is what happened to 2 of mine. They had top activities and the whole bit but they were shy around total strangers. I did make them rehearse practice conversations before they left for recruitment.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by carnation

This is what happened to 2 of mine. They had top activities and the whole bit but they were shy around total strangers. I did make them rehearse practice conversations before they left for recruitment.

Shy girls are total gems in the rough if you can pull them out of the shell or see their potential but usually there is not enough time.

[Remiechi]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Shy girls are total gems in the rough if you can pull them out of the shell or see their potential but usually there is not enough time.

I have a relative who just went through deferred recruitment and KSUViolet is right, there was just not enough time for her to come out of her shell.
She is "total package" but extremely reserved and waits to assess a situation before she dives in. She was cut harshly after the first round and was left with her two least favorites after second, so dropped from the process. I warned her to ignore tent talk but she was overwhelmed, disappointed and discouraged.
I think RFM is great for the chapters but maybe not so beneficial for our shy girls who need just a little more time to be able to shine.

[GreekOne]

Originally Posted by Remiechi

I have a relative who just went through deferred recruitment and KSUViolet is right, there was just not enough time for her to come out of her shell.
She is "total package" but extremely reserved and waits to assess a situation before she dives in. She was cut harshly after the first round and was left with her two least favorites after second, so dropped from the process. I warned her to ignore tent talk but she was overwhelmed, disappointed and discouraged.
I think RFM is great for the chapters but maybe not so beneficial for our shy girls who need just a little more time to be able to shine.

Sounds like she would do much better during Informal recruitment where the pace and pressure are not so overwhelming. If that is offered on her campus, you might want to encourage her to give that a try.

[Remiechi]

Originally Posted by GreekOne

Sounds like she would do much better during Informal recruitment where the pace and pressure are not so overwhelming. If that is offered on her campus, you might want to encourage her to give that a try.

GreekOne, she just told me she's planning on participating in fall Informal, and is aware that her options may very well be the two chapters she had left when she withdrew from Formal. She is looking forward to getting to know those chapters better. I'm proud of her maturity yet also frustrated that the tent talk of Formal really got to her. There are truly no "bad" or "weak" chapters at her university, so I hope they give her another chance.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Remiechi

She was cut harshly after the first round and was left with her two least favorites after second, so dropped from the process. I warned her to ignore tent talk but she was overwhelmed, disappointed and discouraged.
I think RFM is great for the chapters but maybe not so beneficial for our shy girls who need just a little more time to be able to shine.

Even if she would have had the time to get more comfortable, a lot of the super popular chapters can be a very high octane environment, and she might have constantly felt like she was trying to keep up. Getting the bid is only half the battle.

That is part of the point of deferred rush - to give women a chance to get used to the campus community and to meet Greek women outside of the artificial atmosphere of rush.

[NYCMS]

Originally Posted by funinthesun

I want to help her now. NOT because of recruitment, but I think overcoming this kind of shyness will help in general. Any advice would be appreciated.

I've read several people give the following advice to those who are on the shy side:

Practice talking to strangers. In line at Starbucks or at school. Volunteer (she already be) in a place where you get to be in a "client facing" position - talking with the donors, or the people the charity is helping. Those are good places to practice and get more comfortable with talking to strangers.

I'd also have her do anything that will help push her out of her comfort zone - anything. As people break through comfort zones, they usually develop more confidence in other areas.

Good luck to her.

[PhilTau]

Originally Posted by funinthesun

I have a daughter who is only a sophomore in HS. She has the 4.0 GPA, tons of community service hours already, and I know I have mom goggles on, but she is a very pretty girl. And I think she will do terrible in recruitment... She is quite shy. She speaks softly and quietly, and she gets nervous and self conscious in big groups. She has a heart of gold, is an excellent friend and listener, lots of fun and witty once you get to know her. I want to help her now. NOT because of recruitment, but I think overcoming this kind of shyness will help in general. Any advice would be appreciated.

Wonderful advice above.

I'd also consider looking into:

1) Assuming your daughter is under 18, see if there is a Toastmasters Youth Leadership Program in your town. https://www.toastmasters.org/educati...ership-program

The programs offered by Toastmaster clubs directly address the areas you mention in your post. They will definitely get her out of her comfort zone and help her develop confidence when speaking with individuals and groups. Once she becomes 18, she can participate in the regular Toastmasters clubs. This would be my first recommendation.

2) Another avenue (which has been suggested repeatedly) is for her to read Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People." You can buy it used for about $3 or look up a summary on Google or get an audio book. There are also expensive training programs based on Dale Carnegie's work all over. But I'd start with the book.