Something needs to change

[NYCMS]

Originally Posted by NerdyGreek

Bid Day should be more joyful than it is. (I watched a video of one of the other houses on her campus on Bid Day where the recruitment chair is reading the list of bids to actives and there aren't a lot of smiles and cheers. It's a lot of stone faces, questioning looks and a few "who?" are visible. Dissatisfaction is on both sides.)

If it's the video I saw, it was at a school that just finished rushing while going to classes every day. Talk about exhausting and stressful! What I saw were girls listening closely and likely trying to figure out who the new pledges are. This sorority has 400 members so it's not like every member would know every pledge. I remember when I was an active and heard the list called out that I was trying to remember faces and such. So no, I would not have looked perky the entire time. And yes, girls will have looks of disappointment. They work very hard to win girls over and it is very disappointing when they pledge elsewhere. I was just going through a college yearbook and saw four girls that my chapter "lost" (they preffed us and one other) and I well remembered how bummed several of us were. That's natural!

I do support RFM because I saw girls held onto untiL pref and then get released. With RFM girls get released early enough to seriously consider another house. I had friends go through pre-RFM scenario and their pain and shock was awful.

And I echo giving the house more than a few weeks. There are 400 girls in houses at Ole Miss (I'm pretty sure this is where your daughter is) and one can't possibly have a sense this soon. Some girls do, but not all. And don't even think about re-rushing as a sophomore. Rarely ever successful plus many chapters have a "once cut, always cut" policy which means she would be cut again.

[tcsparky]

I remember on my campus, which had 4 chapters, women could get invited back to all 4 during the first invite round for Philanthropy, then 3 to Sisterhood/Skits, then 2 for Pref. Chapters invited however many they wanted for Pref. Getting cut from both was a real thing. I knew MANY women who were so excited to get invited back to the "popular" chapters, had stars in their eyes, were already mentally picking out dorm decor and dating a handsome fraternity guy (still mentally)- because a bid to one of these two chapters opened up doors for the members. Only to get "the call" on Bid Day morning to not come to the Student Union. Or getting a late night call about a "snap bid" to the chapter they had been glad to see off their list. So, while 2 of the chapters stayed at 90 members, and one of them hovered around 75-80, the 4th chapter struggled with 50 or so members. Until it closed.

I think that with RFM, more women would have gone back to the chapter, more women would have ended up joining it, and gradually their reputation could have evolved. Instead........

If a woman has joined a chapter of 400 and can't find any friends, the issue is her- her perception, her desires, what she is looking for....there is no way a woman honestly cannot find a core group of like-minded women in a pool of 400 unless she is deliberately closing herself off from opportunity. That's just crazy.

And, OP, no one here is saying that NO ONE likes their chapter at first. We're just saying that the magical moments that happened in Recruitment now give way to tired girls who just want to sleep, catch up on school work so they don't end up on Probation, and maybe try to get to know the new women in their "free time." We're saying that once the reality of sorority membership arrives, it's not all squeals, and chants and glitter. It's real women getting to know one another, hopefully in a meaningful way. To feel truly a part of the organization (notice I didn't say apart!!!) takes time. Time to assimilate, to learn, to bond, to get used to seeing yourself in letters and incorporating what they mean into your own persona. It takes TIME. And 2 weeks is NOT enough time. I think that even the New Member period is too short for many women to have "that feeling." That's why many women say that they didn't feel truly bonded to the sorority until they lived in the house, and being immersed in the sorority was part of their day to day lives.