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I don't think the postcard is over-the-top IF you make sure you snail mail your rec writer a thank you note immediately. I understand that young women want reassurance, but like a job recommendation, I am not going to give them just because you ask.
I explain gently when I'm asked for a rec that I typically spend 1-2 hours per recs I write between research, typing and editing. If I don't receive a thank you note, I might subtly add a line in the form that she approached me after receiving my name from an alumnae board, I only have a casual connection with this young woman, and after several weeks I haven't received an acknowledgement or thanks for agreeing to write this informational recommendation. At this time you should consider this to be for your information only, and not necessarily an endorsement. And then I leave the "recommend" box blank, and tell the chapter they can check it if they like her enough to invite her back for pref.
I have gone as far to say that a young woman may appear impressive on paper, but her lack of follow-up leaves me to believe that others may be a better fit for the chapter. I don't do this out of spite, but I would rather the chapter know that if a woman can't be bothered to even say as much as thank you over e-mail (the way she originally contacted me), she might not be committed for the long haul despite all the things she says.
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