To rerush or not to rerush

[cc94]

This fall I went through recruitment at a semi-competitive(most people don't have recs and GreekLife is not a large percentage of student pop.) large southern school. I was hopeful going into the process although I knew my gpa wasn't too great for a transfer student and I didn't have much involvement at my community college. There were 9 chapters on campus and day 3 of parties I was to only 1 house, eventually receiving a bid from them. My pi chis encouraged me to see it through to the end, even though I hadn't liked the chapter from the start but saw a glimpse of hope talking to one girl on day 3. So I ran 'home' and gave them a chance.

It's been about a month and I'm still not feeling like this is the place for me. The girls are nice but I don't have much in common with them besides 2-3 of them. Also overall as a chapter I don't feel like I belong here. I've been going to all the optional hangouts to try to meet the initiated sisters and my pledge class sisters but my feelings haven't changed much since the beginning. I've been told the instant 'home' feeling is a fantasy and it takes work which I understand but I've felt a feeling close to that 'now I can breathe easy' feeling at another house during recruitment. Considering they dropped me after 2nd parties, I'm not sure if I should trust my gut and depledge or wait until Big/Little reveal to see if that will help my feelings about my current chapter. I have been dreaming of being in a sorority for many years and don't want to throw away my chance. However, the thought of initiating and spending money on a chapter I'm not happy in doesn't sound far to me or my sisters.
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by cc94

This fall I went through recruitment at a semi-competitive(most people don't have recs and GreekLife is not a large percentage of student pop.) large southern school. I was hopeful going into the process although I knew my gpa wasn't too great for a transfer student and I didn't have much involvement at my community college. There were 9 chapters on campus and after the second day of parties I was dropped from all but 1 house, eventually receiving a bid from them. My pi chis encouraged me to see it through to the end, even though I hadn't liked the chapter from the start but saw a glimpse of hope talking to one girl on day 3. So I ran 'home' and gave them a chance.

It's been about a month and I'm still not feeling like this is the place for me. The girls are nice but I don't have much in common with them besides 2-3 of them. Also overall as a chapter I don't feel like I belong here. I've been going to all the optional hangouts to try to meet the initiated sisters and my pledge class sisters but my feelings haven't changed much since the beginning. I've been told the instant 'home' feeling is a fantasy and it takes work which I understand but I've felt a feeling close to that 'now I can breathe easy' feeling at another house during recruitment. Considering they dropped me after 2nd parties, I'm not sure if I should trust my gut and depledge or wait until Big/Little reveal to see if that will help my feelings about my current chapter. I have been dreaming of being in a sorority for many years and don't want to throw away my chance. However, the thought of initiating and spending money on a chapter I'm not happy in doesn't sound far to me or my sisters.
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

QFP

[Titchou]

You say you only had one choice after first round but this group dropped you after 2nd. I don't understand. At any rate,it's your only opportunity. If you look at it as just paying money while you are in school, then forget it and drop. If you are looking for lifetime membership and instant sisters no matter where you move, then that's a different story.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by Titchou

You say you only had one choice after first round but this group dropped you after 2nd. I don't understand.

I think she was talking about another sorority that dropped her at the 2nd round

[Titchou]

She said "dropped by all but 1." Either way, as an upperclassman this is probably her only opportunity. Better a bird in the hand than 2 in the bush - as they say.

[SoCalGirl]

I'm sorry that you were cut so hard and applaud you having given it a chance. Based on what you shared it sounds like you have given it a fair shot. I would say drop before Big reveal.

As far as re-rushing, that is a long time away so you have plenty of time to decide.

In my neck of the woods transfer students are almost exclusively 3rd years so I'm wondering if you'll be a 3rd year or 4th year when you re-rush. Either way, it'll likely factor into your likelihood of getting a bid.

The school year is young still. Make a point of being active on campus and cultivating friendships with women across the chapters. The more people who know you and of you the better.

Good luck.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Here's the thing...there is very little chance that you are going to get a bid from another organization, especially the one that you felt you liked best. So you have to look at your decision as your current chapter or no chapter.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by cc94

I've been told the instant 'home' feeling is a fantasy and it takes work which I understand but I've felt a feeling close to that 'now I can breathe easy' feeling at another house during recruitment. Considering they dropped me after 2nd parties, I'm not sure if I should trust my gut and depledge or wait until Big/Little reveal to see if that will help my feelings about my current chapter. I have been dreaming of being in a sorority for many years and don't want to throw away my chance. However, the thought of initiating and spending money on a chapter I'm not happy in doesn't sound far to me or my sisters.
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Chapters who are really good at rush make EVERY girl feel like that - whether they feel that way or not. If they really wanted you, they wouldn't have dropped you.

[cc94]

Originally Posted by Titchou

You say you only had one choice after first round but this group dropped you after 2nd. I don't understand. At any rate,it's your only opportunity. If you look at it as just paying money while you are in school, then forget it and drop. If you are looking for lifetime membership and instant sisters no matter where you move, then that's a different story.

Sorry my posts wasn't clear. Day 1:9 parties Day 2:4/7 Day 3: 1/5 Day 4: 1/2

Also next year I'll have 3 years left due to credits not transferring from differing programs. I've heard of quite a few women receiving bids as upperclassmen and even some having successful 2nd recruitment but we're different people so anything can happen.

I am looking for lifetime membership and sisterhood. That's why all of this is so hard for me to think about staying in a chapter I may not belong.

[33girl]

Are you sure that part of this isn't the school transfer? When people tout a sorority as a way to "find your home" I think sometimes they sweep under the carpet the fact that the school itself may not be a good fit.

[lake]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Chapters who are really good at rush make EVERY girl feel like that - whether they feel that way or not. If they really wanted you, they wouldn't have dropped you.

Ha! I had to chuckle when I read that. It's similar to dating relationships. When going through a breakup, or if they're suddenly getting blown off by someone they were seeing, some people just can't let go. There are all sorts of hopeful rationalizations like, "Did they lose their phone? Are they just really busy? Maybe if I text them again/send them a gift/show up where they are, etc. they'll know I'm still interested!!"

Instead of "He's Not that Into You" it's "They're Not that Into You".

[SweetTeaParty]

cc94: Let's get real. If you are a transfer student, and you only had ONE GLO left at preference - - you are NOT going to get another chance. Period.

And you say you have nothing in common with these ladies? Well, what have YOU done to try and integrate yourself? Have you volunteered to work at the upcoming philanthropy event? or offered to organize a group to sit together at the next sporting event or offered to tutor someone who's struggling? Have you offered your room for the next all-nighter study session?

You'll understand that REAL friendship comes from struggling together towards a common goal, not liking the same music or artwork. It comes from setting aside preconcieved notions that you'll "Fall-in-Love" with the group and just jumping in and doing all the work it takes to have a successful group.

THEN, you can turn around and say, "These are my sisters. We have worked toward a common goal and struggled to understand each other. And, EVEN if we are DIFFERENT, we can still love each other."

[Katmandu]

I think you should ask yourself, "do I want to be a member of THIS sorority on this campus, or do I want to NOT be a sorority member at all?" Because I believe that is the question. As a transfer upperclass student your options next spring and fall are severely limited, or more realistically, non existent.

If the chapter approaches 75 members or more, I guarantee there are people you will relate to. But if you don't want to make the effort, then drop. Sorority membership, contrary to popular opinion does not magically lead to friendships, connections and bridesmaids. And the reality is the dynamics change each year with graduations and new members. You will be constantly saying goodbye and hello, and will frequently feel more and less connected with your sisters.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by SweetTeaParty

You'll understand that REAL friendship comes from struggling together towards a common goal, not liking the same music or artwork. It comes from setting aside preconcieved notions that you'll "Fall-in-Love" with the group and just jumping in and doing all the work it takes to have a successful group.

THEN, you can turn around and say, "These are my sisters. We have worked toward a common goal and struggled to understand each other. And, EVEN if we are DIFFERENT, we can still love each other."

STP, you need to work for the online dating sites, because they seem to be under the impression that if 2 people like all the same rock groups they're perfect for each other!

[SweetTeaParty]

Originally Posted by 33girl

STP, you need to work for the online dating sites, because they seem to be under the impression that if 2 people like all the same rock groups they're perfect for each other!

Hmmmm . . . maybe so, cos I went to a Rolling Stone concert this past summer, and all the other folks there were SO OLD!!!

What do I have in common with THEM??