Dual Memberships

[ch612]

My daughter was initiated in mid November. In that time she was home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Her time as an initiated member was very limited. 3 weeks ago she called me very distraught that her sorority may get kicked off campus and now they have been. My daughter was a model initiate. She was very involved and she is now distraught. Why would a young woman who had so little time with her sorority not be given a chance with another sorority?

[WhiteRose1912]

Originally Posted by ch612

My daughter was initiated in mid November. In that time she was home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Her time as an initiated member was very limited. 3 weeks ago she called me very distraught that her sorority may get kicked off campus and now they have been. My daughter was a model initiate. She was very involved and she is now distraught. Why would a young woman who had so little time with her sorority not be given a chance with another sorority?

The majority of sorority membership is spent as an alumna. I'm sorry that your daughter is not going to get the collegiate experience she wanted.

[ch612]

Originally Posted by WhiteRose1912

The majority of sorority membership is spent as an alumna. I'm sorry that your daughter is not going to get the collegiate experience she wanted.

There is little to no consolidation in that. It seems very unfair. Initiation should have been postponed. This decision to revoke charter did not happen overnight. The young ladies that got caught up in the web should have the opportunity to pursue their dreams. Without the collegiate experience you have a weak bond, if you have a bond at all. I am talking about girls that have been members for a few weeks at best. 5 of those weeks they were not even on campus. Common sense should prevail.

[carnation]

Actually, this thread isn't about joining a second NPC. It's about whether you can join, say, a service sorority/fraternity and an NPC (yes) or an NPHC sorority and an NPC (no). You might want to start a new thread because few people will see this.

[andthen]

Originally Posted by ch612

There is little to no consolidation in that. It seems very unfair. Initiation should have been postponed. This decision to revoke charter did not happen overnight. The young ladies that got caught up in the web should have the opportunity to pursue their dreams. Without the collegiate experience you have a weak bond, if you have a bond at all. I am talking about girls that have been members for a few weeks at best. 5 of those weeks they were not even on campus. Common sense should prevail.

Ok we get that you're upset, but many alumnae members that are still active sorority members long after graduation will completely disagree with your point about without the collegiate experience you have a weak bond, if you have a bond at all. Unless you've done a survey of every alumnae member you shouldn't be generalizing. I can tell you that many of the ladies I know probably have stronger bonds with their alumnae chapter sisters, then they had with their own collegiate chapter sisters.

Unfortunately life isn't fair. I hope you won't be calling human resources if your daughter doesn't get the job that she was "dreaming about".

[ch612]

Originally Posted by andthen

Ok we get that you're upset, but many alumnae members that are still active sorority members long after graduation will completely disagree with your point about without the collegiate experience you have a weak bond, if you have a bond at all. Unless you've done a survey of every alumnae member you shouldn't be generalizing. I can tell you that many of the ladies I know probably have stronger bonds with their alumnae chapter sisters, then they had with their own collegiate chapter sisters.

Unfortunately life isn't fair. I hope you won't be calling human resources if your daughter doesn't get the job that she was "dreaming about".

I will have to agree to disagree about the collegiate experience being a necessary component of a strong sorority bond, and your comment about obtaining a job was unnecessary and condescending.

Just because "life isn't fair" it does not mean we don't right the wrongs that we can. That is a beautiful part about being a strong woman with an open and compassionate heart.

On another note. I am sorry if I confused threads.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by ch612

There is little to no consolidation in that. It seems very unfair. Initiation should have been postponed. This decision to revoke charter did not happen overnight. The young ladies that got caught up in the web should have the opportunity to pursue their dreams. Without the collegiate experience you have a weak bond, if you have a bond at all. I am talking about girls that have been members for a few weeks at best. 5 of those weeks they were not even on campus. Common sense should prevail.

Originally Posted by ch612

I will have to agree to disagree about the collegiate experience being a necessary component of a strong sorority bond, and your comment about obtaining a job was unnecessary and condescending.

Just because "life isn't fair" it does not mean we don't right the wrongs that we can. That is a beautiful part about being a strong woman with an open and compassionate heart.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but just because your daughter is disappointed doesn't mean that the rules of the NPC should be changed. It's unfortunate what happened, but all she can do now is make the best of it.

To imply that her bonds and sisterhood will not mean as much because of this situation is a little presumptuous on your part. Let your daughter vent and cry, and then let her pave her own way. Regardless of the situation, sorority membership is what you make of it. Your daughter is not alone in feeling this way, and if she and her sisters desire to stay friends, socialize, give back to the community, and have a great college experience, then they will.

This is one hurdle in the obstacle course of life. There's no fixing it completely, but your daughter can still find a way to make it better.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by andthen

Ok we get that you're upset, but many alumnae members that are still active sorority members long after graduation will completely disagree with your point about without the collegiate experience you have a weak bond, if you have a bond at all. Unless you've done a survey of every alumnae member you shouldn't be generalizing. I can tell you that many of the ladies I know probably have stronger bonds with their alumnae chapter sisters, then they had with their own collegiate chapter sisters.

Unfortunately life isn't fair. I hope you won't be calling human resources if your daughter doesn't get the job that she was "dreaming about".

Because sh*t happens during freshman year. Women drop out because of family circumstances. Women flunk out. Women drop out because of personal circumstances. Women transfer schools. (We're not changing the rules for them, either.)

Just because a woman leaves her chapter before the full 4 years is up, doesn't mean that a woman's sorority experience is wrecked. It just means it's going to be different than she imagined it. I bounced around a bit as an undergraduate. I only lived in my chapter's house for one semester. I was only there for 3 semesters. I still love my chapter and continue to participate in my sorority as an alumna.

Your daughter is now an alumna. She can make the best of it, or she can be bitter and miserable about it. Up to her. If I were her parent, though, I would encourage her to make the best of it and to get involved elsewhere on campus.

If it's THAT important, she can transfer schools to an active chapter that accepts affiliates. (Not all do. Depends on the campus.)

[AlwaysSAI]

Originally Posted by andthen

I can tell you that many of the ladies I know probably have stronger bonds with their alumnae chapter sisters, then they had with their own collegiate chapter sisters.

Cosign, because I am one of those women.

I am 1000% closer with my SAI alumnae sisters than I ever was with any collegiate sisters. And, on the flip side, I thought I would be BFFs with some Phi Sigs for ages - thought we'd never lose touch. And, we haven't talked in years. College experience =/= or define alumnae experience.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by AlwaysSAI

Cosign, because I am one of those women.

I am 1000% closer with my SAI alumnae sisters than I ever was with any collegiate sisters. And, on the flip side, I thought I would be BFFs with some Phi Sigs for ages - thought we'd never lose touch. And, we haven't talked in years. College experience =/= or define alumnae experience.

Some of my favorite KDs are ten years older than me or ten years younger than me. They're awesome, but I never knew them in college. We weren't in the same college cohort.

[33girl]

I do want to say that "member evaluations" are bullshit. Asking girls to rat on their chapter sisters is not cool. And if new initiates were included? Doubly not cool. My guess is that they did the same thing the Tri Deltas did and told hq to put the charter where the sun don't shine.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by ch612

Without the collegiate experience you have a weak bond, if you have a bond at all.

Although they closed more than a decade ago, we have a chapter in a similar situation - freshly initiated members, but the chapter was closed.
The women still in college stayed together via the local alumnae group. They had sisterhood events, they had a formal, they hung out together, they wore their jerseys and badges on campus. No, it wasn't the same, but those girls stayed close - in fact, they were probably closer because they were all going through the same thing. They remain close now.

[andthen]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

Although they closed more than a decade ago, we have a chapter in a similar situation - freshly initiated members, but the chapter was closed.
The women still in college stayed together via the local alumnae group. They had sisterhood events, they had a formal, they hung out together, they wore their jerseys and badges on campus. No, it wasn't the same, but those girls stayed close - in fact, they were probably closer because they were all going through the same thing. They remain close now.

Well said. Life is about what you make of it. In this situation the affected ladies made the best of a bad situation. We all have to make choices in life when dealt a bad set of cards. You can dwell on the fact that its not fair or right or whatever and allow dwelling on the situation to steal opportunities. Or you grieve the unfortunate situation, pick yourself and try and find a new path to fulfilling your goals.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by ch612

My daughter was initiated in mid November. In that time she was home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Her time as an initiated member was very limited. 3 weeks ago she called me very distraught that her sorority may get kicked off campus and now they have been. My daughter was a model initiate. She was very involved and she is now distraught. Why would a young woman who had so little time with her sorority not be given a chance with another sorority?

That is very disappointing.

However, she should be granted alumna status and will be able to continue to participate in the sorority as an alumna.

It's tough to not have the full college experience (formals and recruitment and all that), but it's not the end of the world. She can still be friends with her sisters and even room with them if she chooses. They can plan informal "sisterhood" events and outings to maintain connections and friendships. She can still wear letters and her badge. She can participate in ritual, when an active chapter or alumna chapter is holding ritual. She can still do philanthropy work with an alumna chapter. She can socialize with the alumna chapter.

[andthen]

Originally Posted by ch612

My daughter was initiated in mid November. In that time she was home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Her time as an initiated member was very limited. 3 weeks ago she called me very distraught that her sorority may get kicked off campus and now they have been. My daughter was a model initiate. She was very involved and she is now distraught. Why would a young woman who had so little time with her sorority not be given a chance with another sorority?

Although your daughter's situation is unfortunate, as others have said, the idea of sorority membership is not just 4 years but a lifetime. Unfortunately rules are rules and depending on the sorority your daughter was in its highly unlikely that she would be allowed to join another sorority.

So, my best advice is to give an ear to listen to her vent her frustration. But this is just one situation that you can't immediately fix. Kicking a group off campus is not a decision made in haste by those involved.