sorority advice needed

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by 33girl

It's pretty ridiculous of us to say that you can find the same bonds or experiences in any of these other activities that you can in a sorority. If that were true, we would have joined them in the first place. They would have been cheaper, for starters.

Well, not necessarily. No one will even sponsor a candidate for Junior League, for instance, until the candidate is 25 (here anyway). The ages of provisional members really wouldn't be suited to someone younger. And plenty of bonds are formed among those in a provisional class -- the provisional period is far lengthier than the pledge period of a sorority.

Which is kind of the point of what a lot of people have tried to say on this thread -- the OP's age and situation in life might be better suited to a group that is beyond the campus social sorority set.

Just using JL as an example, but IMO it seems ridiculous to suggest that a young woman cannot have similar experiences, form bonds, and make life-long friends without pasting Greek letters on the group.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

Well, not necessarily. No one will even sponsor a candidate for Junior League, for instance, until the candidate is 25 (here anyway). The ages of provisional members really wouldn't be suited to someone younger. And plenty of bonds are formed among those in a provisional class -- the provisional period is far lengthier than the pledge period of a sorority.

Which is kind of the point of what a lot of people have tried to say on this thread -- the OP's age and situation in life might be better suited to a group that is beyond the campus social sorority set.

Just using JL as an example, but IMO it seems ridiculous to suggest that a young woman cannot have similar experiences, form bonds, and make life-long friends without pasting Greek letters on the group.

Similar =/= same.

My point is that we just need to stop throwing things like JL at posters like they're consolation prizes. It's disrespectful. The posters need to work through "I'll never be in a collegiate sorority" before they can get to "I want to be in Junior League."

[Old_Row]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Similar =/= same.

My point is that we just need to stop throwing things like JL at posters like they're consolation prizes. It's disrespectful. The posters need to work through "I'll never be in a collegiate sorority" before they can get to "I want to be in Junior League."

Not only that but in some places getting into the Junior League is just as competitive as getting into a sorority.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Similar =/= same.

My point is that we just need to stop throwing things like JL at posters like they're consolation prizes. It's disrespectful. The posters need to work through "I'll never be in a collegiate sorority" before they can get to "I want to be in Junior League."

Being a non-traditional 27-year-old student with children is not the same as being an 18-22 year-old collegiate.

Being older with children is not a consolation prize to being younger, single, and childless, but it is a different place in life.

My point is that we need to stop implying that posters will never, ever, have what "we" have, in terms of bonding and forming life-long friendships, just because "we" have a Greek affiliation and they do not.

It's disrespectful, and IMO, just an erroneous assumption.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

My point is that we need to stop implying that posters will never, ever, have what "we" have, in terms of bonding and forming life-long friendships, just because "we" have a Greek affiliation and they do not.

It's disrespectful, and IMO, just an erroneous assumption.

But they won't. That doesn't mean they won't have something just as good, if not even better, as far as they're concerned. I won't ever have the same bonds that people who went to boarding school together had. That doesn't mean I don't have things in my life just as good or better. Do you understand what I'm saying? MC seemed to get it. Or are you being willfully obtuse?

And OR is so right about the Junior League being just as, if not more competitive than a sorority in some places. That's why I kind of inwardly chortle when people suggest it (i.e. if you thought sorority rush was full of rejectment, you ain't seen NOTHING yet).

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by 33girl

And OR is so right about the Junior League being just as, if not more competitive than a sorority in some places. That's why I kind of inwardly chortle when people suggest it (i.e. if you thought sorority rush was full of rejectment, you ain't seen NOTHING yet).

OR doesn't have any experience with Junior League here. She is way too young to be sponsored.

33girl, are you speaking from an experience of being rejected from Junior League, or just repeating what you have heard? If you are just repeating what you have heard, then you are just perpetuating Junior League Tent Talk.

Chill folks -- I used Junior League as an example, as I noted, of a group and opportunity to bond with and form friendships with women beyond college. I'm not suggesting that everyone rush out to locate sponsors. Though I doubt that Junior Leagues everywhere are as snobby as reputed to be or as depicted in movies (sound familiar?) -- but I can only respond from my own experience.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

OR doesn't have any experience with Junior League here. She is way too young to be sponsored.

33girl, are you speaking from an experience of being rejected from Junior League, or just repeating what you have heard? If you are just repeating what you have heard, then you are just perpetuating Junior League Tent Talk.

Chill folks -- I used Junior League as an example, as I noted, of a group and opportunity to bond with and form friendships with women beyond college. I'm not suggesting that everyone rush out to locate sponsors. Though I doubt that Junior Leagues everywhere are as snobby as reputed to be or as depicted in movies (sound familiar?) -- but I can only respond from my own experience.

From a close personal friend's experience after she was already a member of Junior League in one city in the north, when she moved back south, she was not made to feel welcome. Yeah, it depends on the JL.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

From a close personal friend's experience after she was already a member of Junior League in one city in the north, when she moved back south, she was not made to feel welcome. Yeah, it depends on the JL.

I've heard of the same happening when a girl transfers from one campus to another and tries to affiliate with her GLO.

I guess it depends on the GLO.

[Old_Row]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

OR doesn't have any experience with Junior League here. She is way too young to be sponsored.

33girl, are you speaking from an experience of being rejected from Junior League, or just repeating what you have heard? If you are just repeating what you have heard, then you are just perpetuating Junior League Tent Talk.

Chill folks -- I used Junior League as an example, as I noted, of a group and opportunity to bond with and form friendships with women beyond college. I'm not suggesting that everyone rush out to locate sponsors. Though I doubt that Junior Leagues everywhere are as snobby as reputed to be or as depicted in movies (sound familiar?) -- but I can only respond from my own experience.

Duh. I'm still in school. That doesn't mean that I don't have many generations of Junior League members on both sides of my family and haven't experienced their process and programs and the fallout of not becoming a member in several different cities in the US. Because remember, I'm an entitled brat who thinks she is better than everyone.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by Old_Row

Duh. I'm still in school. That doesn't mean that I don't have many generations of Junior League members on both sides of my family and haven't experienced their process and programs and the fallout of not becoming a member in several different cities in the US. Because remember, I'm an entitled brat who thinks she is better than everyone.

Oh yes, I'm sure they all came over on the Mayflower and ran aground on Old Row.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

My point is that we need to stop implying that posters will never, ever, have what "we" have, in terms of bonding and forming life-long friendships, just because "we" have a Greek affiliation and they do not.

No one has implied that.

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

It's disrespectful, and IMO, just an erroneous assumption.

It's only disrespectful and an erroneous assumption if one assumes that by saying someone else's experiences are different one is saying that they are inferior. Again, no one has said that marvelous bonds and life-long friendships can't be formed without being Greek. I'd hazard a guess that we all know from personal experience that's far from the truth.

But I know that the bonds and friendships I have that arose in different contexts -- childhood, college, camp, fraternity, law school, neighborhood, church, work, etc. -- differ in some noticeable ways because the experiences in which those bonds and friendships were formed, and sometimes even the reasons they were formed, differ. There's nothing at all disrespectful about acknowledging that.

Often, what posters like the OP were looking for is the "College Greek Experience." Nevermind that that experience can have many different forms -- what matters is that the posters have in their mind an image of what that experience is, and most likely the main parts of that image are the things that make GLOs different from other organizations. It may include formals or mixers, or "the house," or candlepasses, or being part of a national organizations whose members consider each other "sisters," or having bigs and littles, or ritual and secret meanings of words and symbols, or, yes, even wearing letters and being able to say "I am an ΑΒΓ." When these posters realize that the experience they wanted isn't going to happen for them, the loss of what they hoped to experience is what they're mourning.

Of course there are many other ways in which they can form bonds and friendships just as strong (or stronger) as can be found in GLOs. But what seems disrespectful to me is ignore the loss these posters are feeling. As 33girl says, often those feelings need to be resolved before one is ready to move on to other possibilities. Otherwise, one risks imposing the expectations of the "College Greek Experience" on other great organizations that not only can't meet those expectations but shouldn't be expected to. More disappointment is often the result.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

But what seems disrespectful to me is ignore the loss these posters are feeling. As 33girl says, often those feelings need to be resolved before one is ready to move on to other possibilities.

I agree with much of what you wrote, but I don't feel that anyone is ignoring the loss some of these posters are feeling.

Luckily, a few days ago, 33girl advised MissCherryPie, to seek therapy and join a non-traditional student's group asap. So it seems these feelings have been duly acknowledged -- even accompanied by a suggestion of what to do next -- ASAP, in fact.

Not delivered in an especially sensitive fashion, but I don’t disagree with the suggestion.

We can split hairs all we wish on similarities/differences of relationships formed in this or that organization. Two girls in the same chapter will not even have the same experience. Like every other experience in life, it is what you make of it.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

Just using JL as an example, but IMO it seems ridiculous to suggest that a young woman cannot have similar experiences, form bonds, and make life-long friends without pasting Greek letters on the group.

I don't think anyone has suggested these things. What 33girl is saying is that however great those similar experiences, bonds and life-long friendships are -- and they can be really great -- they are still different in some ways from the experiences, bonds and friendships formed within a sorority or fraternity. Not worse, not better, just different. Not different in every way, but not the same in every way either.

Seems accurate to me.