Jewish wedding traditions adopted by non-Jewish couple

[PM_Mama00]

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

I guess I just don't understand...

I mean, I don't think I'd be happy if someone had a Catholic wedding because they thought the mass was "pretty" or because they liked the church for their pictures (not that that would happen...meetings with the priest, pre cana, the fact that Catholics consider marriage as a sacrament in the vein of taking holy orders, etc).

I'd just be totally weirded out by it, like I was pretending to be something I wasn't.

We don't have to worry about anyone non-Catholic wanting a Catholic wedding. The "stand up sit down" scares them away

[Mevara]

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

We don't have to worry about anyone non-Catholic wanting a Catholic wedding. The "stand up sit down" scares them away

I think it would be just the length of the mass that is associated with it... The first time I went to a non-Catholic wedding it was done in 15 mins. I was so not prepared for that and had to turn to my mom and ask if that was it.

[PhoenixAzul]

Originally Posted by Mevara

I think it would be just the length of the mass that is associated with it... The first time I went to a non-Catholic wedding it was done in 15 mins. I was so not prepared for that and had to turn to my mom and ask if that was it.

Hah, shortly after my husband and I got married (full mass), we went to the wedding of a mutual friend that was 5 minutes long. That was it. Ever since we had our wedding I've been somewhat mortified that ours was so long.

But to be fair, ours was around the 40 minute mark. Cutting out the flower girl/ring bearer etc. and having short readings (and an evening mass immediately following our wedding) helped. I am a convert as well, so no one in my family is Catholic, while husband's fam is SUPER CATHOLIC. Hubs coworkers are a mish mash of Conservative Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Catholics and atheists. We definitely had little "cues" in our wedding program to help out the non-Catholics...but to be fair, I didn't expect anyone not Catholic to really follow along.

Far be it for me to criticize what someone wants for their wedding, but I don't understand the participation in a religious ceremony where you are not part of the religion. Isn't it also part of the marriage vows where you promise to raise your children in the Jewish faith, as well?

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

I just think it's weird.

To me, weddings are about making a covenant with your spouse and God, and it's the appropriate time for the traditions of your family and faith, not to do something just to be different. There is significant meaning behind the traditions of other cultures, and it's not anyone's place to co-opt those willy nilly just for kicks.

Despite my grouchy opinion about sticking with what you know, I do think that other faiths and cultures have beautiful wedding traditions.

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

I guess I just don't understand...

I mean, I don't think I'd be happy if someone had a Catholic wedding because they thought the mass was "pretty" or because they liked the church for their pictures (not that that would happen...meetings with the priest, pre cana, the fact that Catholics consider marriage as a sacrament in the vein of taking holy orders, etc).

I'd just be totally weirded out by it, like I was pretending to be something I wasn't.

This and this. I think part of what strikes me as odd about it is that it's like wanting the nice/pretty parts of a tradition without the . . . for lack of a better word . . . obligations of the tradition.

I liked what the rabbi quoted in the story said:

But Jonathan Stein, president of the Central Conference of American Rabbis, expressed some concerns. While the practice “speaks to the acceptances of Jews and Jewish traditions in American society,” he said, it might be offensive to Jews who believe that a wedding ceremony signifies the union of two people who intend to establish a Jewish life.”

It's like, "let's appropriate all the pretty, fun parts of being Jewish [or whatever], but we don't actually want to be part of that tradition.

And I'll admit that there's part of me that finds the whole thing very narcissistic -- the wedding being all about the bride and groom rather than being about the bride and groom and their place in the wider community. Not to mention God. In that sense, I don't get the rabbi who officiated at this thing.

Meanwhile, our Protestant, no communion wedding was 40 minutes. I rather think that if we had it to do over again, we might include communion.

[ForeverRoses]

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

Hah, shortly after my husband and I got married (full mass), we went to the wedding of a mutual friend that was 5 minutes long. That was it. Ever since we had our wedding I've been somewhat mortified that ours was so long.

We had a full Catholic Mass as well, and I have always said it was because I wanted my wedding to take longer than my divorce proceedings.

My best friend had a 5 minute wedding. She was so nervous and never really had time to calm down. She finally calmed down about 10 minutes after it ended. So she completed zoned out for her entire ceremony. At least I had plenty of time to calm down!