A Yummy Slightly Old Recruitment Journey

[greekmom2]

August rolled around and I dropped her off. From a social standpoint, she was right, she didn’t need a sorority. Three weeks in she told me “I love it here. It’s just like camp.” Apparently she was blissfully unaware of the considerable cost difference between camp and a four-year institution of higher learning. Concern turned to some panic and several speeches to her about the importance of academics and the limits of our budget.

She soon realized that while cheerleading kept her busy, it wasn’t doing much in the sisterhood department. The girls on the squad got along fine, but once practice was over, they all went their own way. She had gotten close to two of them, and they both happened to be in sororities. They seemed to being having those sisterhood experiences she was missing.

By December she was dating a fraternity guy, so she was meeting sorority girls at his fraternity. Slowly, her attitude towards the whole thing changed. She mentioned she was considering it. Since the last piece of information I had regarding sororities was a Lifetime movie that involved a girl jumping off a balcony at the sociopathic chapter president’s insistence, I wasn’t sure what to think (although I felt certain that was an exaggeration ). All my other stereotypes about Greek life were formed by Animal House – I wasn’t at all sure THAT was an exaggeration.

One of her cheer buddies, we’ll call her Button (actual name was disturbingly close to this), asked Brooke to come visit her sorority. Eventually Brooke told me they wanted her to join, and she was thinking about it. Now, to this day we’re not sure whether they were talking about informal or they just wanted her to consider going through recruitment next year. I don’t think the conversation got that far. Either way, the topic soon died. They told her the cost, and we didn’t realize that the amount they quoted included the cost of living in the house. We thought it was simply the dues which made it totally out of our reach (since we weren’t related to the Hiltons). In addition, she and Button had a huge falling out. Brooke was a little disappointed because she liked the other girls she had met, but she wasn’t completely sold on the sorority idea yet, so it wasn’t the end of the world.

[greekmom2]

I am getting closer to the recruitment story (code is based on desserts since its Thanksgiving weekend and food has taken over my life), but as I said - this is less about the actual recruitment that what got her there, so with that said....

Over the next few months, she got sold – down the river, hook, line and sinker – pick your water metaphor. It happened in a variety of little ways. Her boyfriend in one of his numerous but more minor classless acts, used to take her to his fraternity parties and promptly dump her to hang out with the boys leaving her to fend for herself. Since she was usually the only independent in the room, it was like being the sole American tourist in Athens. By nature she is pretty reserved, so this was awkward. It did force her to be more outgoing, and occasionally she would see someone she had met, the girlfriend of one of boyfriend’s fraternity brothers, or an old high school friend. Fortunately those girls took the time talk to her and introduce her to their friends. In a short amount of time, she knew tons of girls in sororities all over campus.

It wasn’t just that though. She and boyfriend broke up. Then things got ugly. He was verbally abusive and a little scary at times.


Through all of this, the people who came through for her were in the Greek system. I can’t list all the ways this happened, and the many times they tried to help her (particularly the boys in his fraternity actually), but I will mention a couple that had an impact on her thoughts about sorority and sisterhood.


One night after a particularly ugly scene she left the fraternity crying and pretty much beside herself. An acquaintance in a sorority walked with her. She had a high school friend and another good friend who were in that same sorority, but she didn’t know this girl well. Still, she insisted that Brooke come back to the house with her and stay there that night. This was forboten (you had to give the house mother 24 hours notice for any house guest), and the girl knew she would get in trouble for it, but she did it anyway. She just didn’t want Brooke to be upset and alone (Brooke’s roommate had moved in with her boyfriend at the start of 2nd semester).


Another time, Brooke went to a party with a friend who was in yet another chapter and several of her friends whom Brooke knew but again, just barely. Ex was there. In no time he started saying some pretty nasty things about her just loud enough for her and the friends to hear. After about 10 minutes, one of the girls in this little group walked over to him and said, “If you have something to say to Brooke, try being a man and say it to her face.” Then she turned to the girls and said, “Come on, we’re out.” They all proceeded to march right past him.


Besides this her best friend on the cheer squad was in a sorority as well and quickly introduced her to her two best friends in her chapter and they became tight buddies.


By spring all she wanted to do was go through recruitment in the fall (well, August actually). Initially she thought joining a sorority would be a piece of cake since she was involved on campus, and she had tons of friends in them. Yeah…no. Brooke had yet to figure out that college wasn’t camp, and she was actually there to get an education. This lack of concern over that rather vital part of the experience was reflected in her abysmal grades. They had improved 2nd semester, but they weren’t great (this led to her not making the cheer squad when they had tryouts in the spring – one of the few times in Brooke’s life she had tried out for something and not made it which was quite the little wakeup call).


Also, it would be Pollyanna to suggest that her interactions on Greek row were all peace and love. If you have a crazy ex and you spend most of your time partying at fraternities that isn’t a likely outcome. She had girls she didn’t care for much and vice-versa. In short, she would be going through a somewhat competitive recruitment as a sophomore with low grades and some girls in various sororities she didn’t particularly like. Oh, and after a year on campus she also knew exactly which sororities interested her and which ones did not. Yep…she was an Amtrak train barreling toward an 18-wheeler stuck at the crossing and without knowing one single thing about sororities, I doubted this would go well.

[greekmom2]

She asked her friends and the Greek life office questions, but like many of the PNM’s that come on this forum, she heard what she wanted to hear and convinced herself that anyone giving her discouraging information was just a heartless witch out to crush her dreams. That attitude extended to me the few times I tried to suggest she should prepare herself for alternatives outside of Greek life.


Instead, she was much happier listening those friends – virtually all freshmen who had yet to go through recruitment on the other side- who assured her it would be fine because they LOVED her and were pulling for her. Again, without knowing a thing about sororities, it occurred to me that these girls really couldn’t give her that reassurance since they had no idea at this point how girls were even chosen in their chapters.


I felt like we needed a neutral source of information and that’s when I found this site which I directed her towards. I don’t think she ever wrote in and asked anything, but she did read quite a bit. I know she didn’t like everything she read, but I think deep down she realized this might be tougher than she expected. At least she seemed more willing to talk about the ‘what ifs’.


Meanwhile she had started to doubt whether even going back to Party State was a good idea (unbeknownst to us), but we would have been thrilled to know that she was rethinking and probably encouraged it at this point. We wanted her as far away from her ex as possible, and we wanted her to focus on her grades. Her advisor told her that with her grades as they were, getting into her program would be difficult, and she should at least consider staying home a semester, going to a community college, and getting them up, but in the end, despite her doubts, she was so committed to the sorority idea, she felt like she had to try.


So with all of that said, she started rush. Girls stayed in the dorms for it, and she wasn’t overjoyed to find herself surrounded by giggling freshman away at college for the first time. Her exact words were, “Mom, I remember being those girls last year and now all I can think is – just wait until your grades suck and you’re dating a psycho.” Things were off to a great start.

I do not remember whatsoever which houses she visited in what order although she gave me a ton of detail at the time, so here was her run down of the houses as she ranked them after the first two days (open house I guess).


Donuts – This was the group of girls who told her ex off at the party and marched out. She loved this chapter because they reminded her of her best friends from high school. She described them as pretty girls who didn’t have to try and weren’t afraid to be goofy. She had a great time here.


Raspberry Parfaits – She had a few passing acquaintances in this chapter. They were her favorites going into recruitment because they had a reputation as the “classy” sorority on campus. They dropped behind Donuts after the first round because the girls she spoke to on this day seemed disinterested in her. However, her high opinion of them throughout the year kept them near the top. She also knew her Rho Gam was a Raspberry Parfait (she knew the affiliations of virtually every Rho Gam there), and for reasons I will explain in a moment – she loved her Rho Gam who just solidified her high opinion of the
Raspberry Parfaits. She had also met a Raspberry Parfait at a formal in the spring who asked if she was interested in rush and assured her she would remember her and push for her. Brooke was naïve – but even she knew that was a stretch - she thought it was a nice thought though.


Chocolate Cake- This is the chapter that her best friend from cheer and her two buddies were in. She loved all but one of them (ex cheating issue). Fortunately, she didn’t see her and had a great time here. Really liked the rest of the girls who she thought were “funny”. She likes people who can make her laugh.


Baked Alaska – This was the chapter that her former cheerleader buddy was in, so she was prepared for awkward (Button had been kicked off the team shortly after their falling out and they hadn’t spoken). Button greeted her like a long-lost sister, which Brooke found odd and a bit fake. In spite of this, she had always liked the other girls in the chapter and that hadn’t changed.


Ice Creams – The Ice Creams were a mixed bag for her. They hung out a lot with ex’s fraternity so she had gotten to know quite a few of them and liked most of the girls she knew. The recruitment chair happened to be a good friend. BUT one of ex’s best girl buddies was also in the house and yet another girl he had cheated on her with. This left her confused about them. She had a good conversation with the girl she spoke to, but she swears that ex’s gal pal glared at her most of her time there.


Cookies – She described this as an up and coming group. The president or the girl who became president (not sure if she was at this point) was a friend of hers and she liked them a lot. She would have been happy to go back.


Apple Pies – She had friends in this group including a high school buddy. The acquaintance that walked her home and had her spend the night at the house was in this chapter and she had gone on spring break with some of these girls. Needless to say she liked them, but she knew them well enough that she wasn’t sure it would be the best fit (and no, in this case I don’t mean she thought she was too good for them – it was a solid chapter with a good campus rep, and she had too many friends in it to feel that way- although she does own that at the time she was caught up in how the girls in various chapters looked – more on that later – and while the girls in this chapter were certainly cute– they weren’t generally considered one of the “beautiful girl” chapters. She described them as a little outdoorsy and she was not – AT ALL. She wanted to get invited back though.


Root Beer Floats – She had a high school friend who joined this chapter, but they had gone their separate ways freshman year, and she didn’t know anyone else in it, so she had no impression other than she knew they were considered a studious, quiet group which ironically, didn’t describe her high school pal at all. She was quite surprised to find herself talking to someone she immediately recognized as a high school gymnast from Small City. Brooke had been an outstanding high school gymnast , so the girl not only recognized her, she proceeded to treat her like a celebrity which suited Brooke’s inner diva just fine, and they had a great conversation. She left liking the chapter and wanted to return.


Candied Apples – She did not want to go here. It was a popular chapter with the PNM’s and was becoming a top group, but she did not have a good impression of the girls after a year, and yet again there was ex drama (yeah, their relationship had cut a rather large swath over Greek Row). He had brought one of the girls on a couple of date dashes after they had broken up and she had made quite an impression. I’ll leave it at that. Another one was also a friend of his and had made it clear, although she had never actually met Brooke, that she didn’t like her (he had been kind enough to show her the texts she had sent). The girls she spoke to were uhmmm, “cool” to her. She did not expect or want to go back.


Chocolate Strawberries – Nice, academic – beautiful house. Would have been happy to go back, but she knew they were big on grades, and she would get cut. She didn’t really know anyone here either.


The Brownies – Had friends in them at other schools. Didn’t know anything else about them here. No strong opinion one way or another.


The Sorbets – They had a beautiful house and I don’t think there was anything negative about her time there, but she really didn’t know anyone in this house and the conversation was unmemorable. She would have been fine going back – but getting cut wouldn’t hurt her feelings.


The Blueberry Tarts and the LemonBars- I put these two groups together for the moment because for this round they were in the same boat. Both groups struggled some with numbers, and she knew their campus reputation. I would like to say she was above that sort of silliness, but she was not.


I should explain (doesn’t excuse) that Brooke considered herself a B plus in her HS’s social sphere. She did fine, but she wasn’t the center of attention. On the other hand, she found herself very recognizable in college (she was, as she put it, “the tall awkward brunette cheerleader”) and as I mentioned – her social life was usually busy. It was her “big fish in a small pond” moment. Her cheerleading days were over – at least for this year – but she really wanted to maintain that new found status. She definitely felt that getting a bid to certain sororities would help her do that and others would just cement her fall from grace. These would have been in the latter category in her mind.


It wasn’t entirely about that and in her defense she had never met any of the girls in these two sororities, so she assumed they had no shared interests or friends, but that isn’t much of a defense. They could have had scintillating conversations with her (they didn’t), and she wouldn’t have given them a second look based strictly on her superficial standards at this point. She knows this about herself, and she can look back at it all now and realize how ridiculous her attitude was.