Ordering high end on the first date. Is it rude or is it just me?

[Cen1aur 1963]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Lesson learned: Stop talking just to talk and make yourself clear. Manners and moderate are subjective and cultural.

[I have been at gatherings where ordering less expensive or smaller amounts of food was interpreted as the person not having a good time and being ready to leave.]

If this is such an issue for you, find a way to respectfully convey (or politely say) "order whichever entree (singular), 2 drinks, and dessert (singular) that you want." If the "whichever entree" part scares you because some entrees are expensive, take your date to a less expensive restaurant. Look, adults need to stop acting so cautious and scary over things that may be silly in the longrun. You have more exciting things to spend your brain and time on than contemplating and reflecting on a dinner date. Get it said, get it done, and move on to more exciting things.

A smart person who has an issue with what their date is ordering would find a way to respectfully take the lead. Afterall, I would never want to date a man who could not respectfully tell me when to STOP ORDERING if he is the one paying for it. Even a "having to wash the dishes to pay for this" joke can work depending on the context.

ctfu @ the singular comment. I'll keep that in mind, because I'm hooking up with her next weekend.

Originally Posted by 33girl

No, this is exactly where you went wrong. "Order whatever you want" - that translates as "hmmm, this dude is trying to be Mr. Big Spender and impress me. Ok baby, it's on. 42 lobsters please!!"

When you take a girl to a restaurant...it's obvious that she'll order whatever she wants. The days of a man choosing the meal with zero input from the woman are long gone. If you feel the need to state the obvious, it will get twisted.

I just said that because I didn't want her to feel like she had to order light. It wasn't really the food that was costly, it was all those drinks she ordered.

You lost me on the second part of your post. Who said I was choosing her meal for her? I don't recall saying that.

Originally Posted by TonyB06

What precipitated you saying "order whatever you want?" Had she asked your opinion on any of the menu items? Had she asked if you'd dined there before?

Her menu selection is one of the many unstated markers that you pay attention to, particuarly on a first date. People will usually, through their actions, show you far more than they will tell you.

Even saying "order whatever you want" should not have been taken as an invite for her to go buckwild on the menu.

I'm going out with her next weekend. I never judge my dates off a menu selection. I just mention this one, because I was just trying to get other opinions to see if I was being too harsh.

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

lol
Why did you tell her that? I mean, why was that even necessary?

You've never told someone to take their time, but didn't really mean for them to move so slowly after you told them to? Same difference. I was trying to make her feel comfortable, she just got too comfortable.