Rudest PNM You Had to Deal With

[PeppyGPhiB]

My roommate soph. year was in a different sorority on campus, and one night after recruitment we were "comparing notes." She told me that one girl, whose last name happened to be Pigg, rolled her eyes at her while she was talking about the sorority's philanthropy, and cut her off with, "Cut the crap - I just want to know if you guys party." Apparently that was the NICEST persona she put on in any of the rooms, because other sororities said that she was literally ignoring them when they'd talk to her. She wanted to be in the "party sorority" and yet she was so rude and superficial to them, that they cut her, too (as all of the other sororities did). In my four years at Pepp, I can only think of two other girls that were released from recruitment completely aside from her.

[AlwaysSAI]

So, I know it's not NPC recruitment.

At my school SAI, MPhiE, and PMA all have recruitment the same week. It's structured pretty much like NPC recruitment, but on a smaller scale and not as staged.

Anyway, on the first night, we always have a "Meet the Greeks" event with all three orgs, food and get-to-know-you games. There was one girl there, freshman, who went to an SAI and talked crap about the Muphies. Then, she went to a Muphie and talked crap about SAIs. She openly told members that she was there strictly for the food when they tried to talk to her. (We realized that some people came just for the food, but they weren't advertising it). On top of that, she was just rude-flat out rude. And, she did not watch her behavior in the SoM first semester. We did not give her a bid.

[PizzaLove]

As a chapter that struggled with numbers, my sisters and I unfortunately had to deal with a lot of this because the pnms were told they were guaranteed bids if they attended all their parties and maximized their options, which is not true. So, some pnms who wanted to be dropped by us would, at best, give one word answers and looked bored. We’ve had some really bad ones though. There’s always girls who bring up drinking and partying when they know full well that is an off-limits topic, or others who tell us about all of their connections to other sororities and that they only came back because they had to. The absolute worst one that I remember happened to one of my sisters a few years ago. She was talking to a pnm who had transferred from another school, where we happen to also have a chapter. So, my sister asked her something about it, like if she had gotten to know any of our members there. The pnm replied that our sorority sucks there just like it does here. Understandably, my sister started crying right after the party and we obviously did not invite the girl back. This was the most extreme case of pnm rudeness we had that I can recall, but even the mild stuff, like the bored looks and not engaging in conversation really take a toll on chapter morale. And because of numbers and pressure to grow, there often was not a lot we could do. Luckily, we had some great pledge classes and have grown a lot. So, with the improvement, the frequency of rude pnms is decreasing each year.

One of the hardest things that we had to learn with the rude pnms was that we just had to “kill them with kindness,” even though what we really wanted to do was tell them off or walk away or cry. We often had to double recruit when we were smaller, and nothing was worse than one engaged, polite pnm paired with another who would seemingly rather be hit by a bus, because we would see the interested pnm start to look upset or unsure when she saw the kind of reception our members got sometimes. But always, and especially with double recruiting, you can’t let the pnm’s attitude get to you because you are still selling your chapter to everyone else in the room. What I always wished I could tell all the pnms before going through recruitment is this:

No, you are not guaranteed anything. There are girls who go unmatched every year. No one will be forced to take you. Don’t think that if you work to get your bottom choices to cut you that your top choices will have to invite you back. Yes, you should give every chapter a chance, but even if it’s not a good fit, act like a decent human being at every party! If you are as great and coveted as you think you are, then it will be your choice anyway!

For other chapters dealing with this, hang in there. Know your resources and make sure you have someone reliable to go to with concerns, whether this is your recruitment chair, president, adviser, or other sister. If you are that person getting your sisters’ concerns, make sure they know you are handling it. Have all of the necessary numbers at hand to call the panhellenic adviser or vp recruitment. Because too often, these rude pnms get away with it, and the chapter members feel powerless. The same is true if the chapter members don’t know what happens and assume the pnm got away with it. Self-confidence and pride in the chapter goes down the tank. Don’t just take it. Be the perfect gracious hostess, but once the party is over, report the rude pnm and get her KICKED OUT of recruitment. Someone willing to put down anyone in any chapter is not an asset to the greek community. Most of all, even if a pnm is rude to you, always show confidence in yourself and your sisters, no matter how little you feel it, because that shows so much to the pnms. If they see you get upset when another pnm is rude, well, then they see you get upset! No one wants that image at recruitment. You want to be seen as having fun and loving your chapter no matter who tries to bring you down, and when pnms see that pride in your chapter, they realize you must have a chapter to be proud about.

Sorry for the long post but that’s my 2 cents on the topic.

[carnation]

Pizzalove, that's a great post!

These rude PNMs are reminding me of the one that dzsai told us about near the beginning of the "Weird Rush Stories" thread--I believe that she called her "Rude McStupid". Seems like she wanted the members to rush her while she was lounging on the floor?

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by PizzaLove

The pnm replied that our sorority sucks there just like it does here. Understandably, my sister started crying right after the party and we obviously did not invite the girl back.

Originally Posted by BraveMaroon

When our sister greeted her and mentioned we'd heard a lot about her from her grandmother, her reply was:

"My grandmother is crazy, and I am not joining this sorority." Our sister burst into tears.

I know the regulations are different between my sorority's recruitment and Panhellenic recruitment and I also know that there is A LOT of pressure on the members to be classy at all times...but... somebody would have had to slap a hand over my mouth and ushered me away post-haste in both of these situations.

[FleurGirl]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

I know the regulations are different between my sorority's recruitment and Panhellenic recruitment and I also know that there is A LOT of pressure on the members to be classy at all times...but... somebody would have had to slap a hand over my mouth and ushered me away post-haste in both of these situations.

I think that's probably one of the biggest things sorority life has given me for regular life -- how to smile and be nice when someone is treating you like absolute crap. You just learn to rise above it.

[katydidKD]

Originally Posted by FleurGirl

I think that's probably one of the biggest things sorority life has given me for regular life -- how to smile and be nice when someone is treating you like absolute crap. You just learn to rise above it.

Mini hijack, I did not learn this from sorority life but from working in retail. Im sure people who have any sort of job where they deal with people knows you cannot do anything but smile and be nice when people don't treat you like a human being. So many times I've wanted tell a person how I really feel when they are being rude, but you can't without mega consequences. All you can do is hope that person learns, whether it be from a sorority/job/life how to treat others. Ugh.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by katydidKD

Mini hijack, I did not learn this from sorority life but from working in retail. Im sure people who have any sort of job where they deal with people knows you cannot do anything but smile and be nice when people don't treat you like a human being. So many times I've wanted tell a person how I really feel when they are being rude, but you can't without mega consequences. All you can do is hope that person learns, whether it be from a sorority/job/life how to treat others. Ugh.

It depends on the context and overall environment. Based on my GLO/job/life experiences, there are GLO/job/life situations where you can and should do more than smile when people are rude. You don't have to cuss them out (that works too in some contexts) but you don't have to just smile and/or let it upset you.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by FleurGirl

I think that's probably one of the biggest things sorority life has given me for regular life -- how to smile and be nice when someone is treating you like absolute crap. You just learn to rise above it.

I am pretty tolerant in my professional life, but I still let people know where my boundaries are. I have no problem speaking up, but I do it with an understanding that I'm representing my company.

However, when it comes to my sorority work, things are a little different. In the case of a rude interest...which I've never witnessed...while I wouldn't curse at her, she would get a tone and a slicing southernism from me at the very least.

I probably don't have to say anything at all in the first place, because I can't hide my emotions. My cutabish look is pretty apparent.

Originally Posted by DrPhil

It depends on the context and overall environment. Based on my GLO/job/life experiences, there are GLO/job/life situations where you can and should do more than smile when people are rude. You don't have to cuss them out (that works too in some contexts) but you don't have to just smile and/or let it upset you.

I'm in full agreement here. As I've gotten older, I've gotten a better handle on the proportion my reaction should be in relation to the offense. I no longer sit and smile, unless I've been expressly asked to do so. Even then...

[tld221]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

In a different thread, an NPHC sorority member asked why people got so worked up over rudeness. I figured I'd repost my response to that here.

I've never cried/gotten upset over a rude person.

My take on rudeness in recruitment:

If you are really rude enough to act that way toward people you just met, you'll probably be a rude brat once you get a bid and make your NM class and the chapter miserable. Your rudeness is actually helping us to weed you out and saving us your drama. So thanks for being rude!

I hold Sigma in such high esteem that I just feel like a complete brat doesn't deserve her. I'm glad that those who aren't worthy of her show themselves every year with their bratty comments.

/soapbox.

Dear future siggy,

I'd love you to join me in my signature space. I don't know the magenta will work, but maybe something in a blue will work? Let's talk. Thaaaaaanks!

xoxo, tld221

[AGD1978]

Originally Posted by PizzaLove

...Know your resources and make sure you have someone reliable to go to with concerns, whether this is your recruitment chair, president, adviser, or other sister. If you are that person getting your sisters’ concerns, make sure they know you are handling it. Have all of the necessary numbers at hand to call the panhellenic adviser or vp recruitment. Because too often, these rude pnms get away with it, and the chapter members feel powerless. The same is true if the chapter members don’t know what happens and assume the pnm got away with it. Self-confidence and pride in the chapter goes down the tank. Don’t just take it. Be the perfect gracious hostess, but once the party is over, report the rude pnm and get her KICKED OUT of recruitment. Someone willing to put down anyone in any chapter is not an asset to the greek community. Most of all, even if a pnm is rude to you, always show confidence in yourself and your sisters, no matter how little you feel it, because that shows so much to the pnms. If they see you get upset when another pnm is rude, well, then they see you get upset! No one wants that image at recruitment. You want to be seen as having fun and loving your chapter no matter who tries to bring you down, and when pnms see that pride in your chapter, they realize you must have a chapter to be proud about.

Nice post, PizzaLove. Words to live by always, not just during Rush...er, Recruitment.

[aephi alum]

The closest we had to a rude PNM when I was active, was a psycho PNM.

It was my sophomore year, my first time rushing on the other side and the first time our local had been allowed to participate in FR alongside the 4 NPC sororities. It was pretty obvious that we were a Jewish sorority (when the sisters have last names like Rosenberg and Segal, it's a dead giveaway) so a lot of non-Jewish PNMs dropped us. However, "Jenny" figured she was a shoe-in because she was Jewish and we were the smallest chapter on campus - how could we possibly cut HER????

She was invited back to two chapters for the first invite-only round. At the time, chapters made their own name tags for PNMs, and PNMs were allowed to keep the tags. Jenny went to XYZ first, and then came to us wearing her XYZ-issued name tag (a no-no - you can keep the name tags but you're supposed to pocket them). The message was obvious - rush me hard or I'm pledging XYZ. I spoke with her and it took me about five seconds to determine she would not be good for our chapter. Still, I was polite to her ...

She was cut by both chapters before pref.

She came to our informal rush later that semester. We cut her again.

She found her home in a service org - so, good for her. Still, *cough*nutcase*cough*

[KillarneyRose]

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

She told me that one girl, whose last name happened to be Pigg, rolled her eyes at her while she was talking about the sorority's philanthropy, and cut her off with, "Cut the crap - I just want to know if you guys party."

I bet the stupid girl was trying to be "a breath of fresh air". She probably hoped the sisters would be all like, "Rushee Pigg really calls it like she sees it; we need people like that at XYZ". Epic fail, anyone?

[carnation]

Originally Posted by KillarneyRose

I bet the stupid girl was trying to be "a breath of fresh air". She probably hoped the sisters would be all like, "Rushee Pigg really calls it like she sees it; we need people like that at XYZ". Epic fail, anyone?

You've undoubtedly hit that right on the nose!!