Greek life virgin! Would this be weird? Desperate for help!

[PiKA2001]

Since we've brought up the whole Frat Vs. Fraternity thing again.

Just use fraternity as the default, especially if you're interested in rushing an IFC social fraternity. It's not that difficult to make a habit out of it. Once you're in and the other members seem fine with referring to their fraternity as a frat than use it yourself, but not as a prospective member/rushee.

[psusue]

Originally Posted by TSteven

Unless you know for sure the person you are speaking with will not be offended by it, don’t shorten the fraternity's name.

This is slightly off topic from the OP, but I would second this, even though I am neither a fraternity man nor someone who has attended Auburn. Personally though, I absolutely HATE it when a non member calls my sorority "Tri Sig". You don't have to say my sorority's name that often, why are you shortening it like you are familiar with it? It's like nails on a chalkboard to me. It's Tri Sigma or simply, Sigma. That is also stated on our website. When in doubt, always use the full name until somebody tells you not to. The last thing you want to do is offend someone by calling their organization by a name they don't use or like. /end slightly off topic rant.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by southerngent111

ok, so i know in theory my original post sounds kind of "stalkerish," but all I really wanna do is ask this guy some questions specifically about the fraternity he was in. that's it.

would is really be that weird if i did that? i mean, from what I know about him, he seems like a pretty cool guy.. i dunno i feel like he may respond nicely to my email.

either way, give me some more opinions! hah

Yes, it would be weird. The part I bolded is especially verging on stalkerish. You know NOTHING about this man other than you went to the same prep school. If you knew his relatives or something, that would be fine, but you don't. Unless he's a very involved alumnus, there's no reason for you to know him. Do as TSteven advised and sign up with the Auburn Greek Life office WHEN and IF you get in.

[southerngent111]

^ hahaha ok yea that is verging on stalkerish. it's just that i have some older friends that know him

[33girl]

Originally Posted by southerngent111

^ hahaha ok yea that is verging on stalkerish. it's just that i have some older friends that know him

**bangs head on desk**

IN THAT CASE, if/when you get into Auburn, ask your older friends to contact him and say they have a friend interested in fraternity rush there.

We can't bake a cake without the eggs, people. Sheeesh.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by 33girl

**bangs head on desk**

IN THAT CASE, if/when you get into Auburn, ask your older friends to contact him and say they have a friend interested in fraternity rush there.

We can't bake a cake without the eggs, people. Sheeesh.

I think he could contact him nowish if he couched it as "I'm thinking about Auburn" as opposed to "I'm going to Auburn and thinking about Greek Life".

[TriDeltaSallie]

Originally Posted by psusue

This is slightly off topic from the OP, but I would second this, even though I am neither a fraternity man nor someone who has attended Auburn. Personally though, I absolutely HATE it when a non member calls my sorority "Tri Sig". You don't have to say my sorority's name that often, why are you shortening it like you are familiar with it? It's like nails on a chalkboard to me. It's Tri Sigma or simply, Sigma. That is also stated on our website. When in doubt, always use the full name until somebody tells you not to. The last thing you want to do is offend someone by calling their organization by a name they don't use or like. /end slightly off topic rant.

Snap, snap. I dislike it when people say Tri Delt. Especially when people hyphenate it when they write it (as in Tri-Delt). Double wrong.

[DTD Alum]

Hey man, the issue here is that if I'm reading between the lines correctly, it's going to come off as weird because you want it too much. You want to go to Auburn and belong to a competitive fraternity, but you have no connection to the school and those particular groups. Realistically, you are viewing this guy as your hope to getting a shot at such a chapter, not just a source of advice in general. At most what is going to happen is that he is going to be like, "Huh, I've never heard of this guy", and he'll give you some bland advice about "looking at every chapter" and MAYBE scroll through your pictures and your profile to get a quick opinion of you. He's not going to suddenly make you a priority to getting you into any pledge class, especially since you mention he'll be an alumnus. Even if he was still an active, he'll already have a guy he knows personally and really likes to focus on, and if he doesn't he'll instead be working on getting the friends of his friends to join. At worst, he might find a message like that creepy and contact somebody about it, which could essentially ruin your chances.

That's not to say don't contact him about Auburn in general IF, like somebody else said, he's registered as an alumnus of your high school. But to solicit him about fraternity life when you just found him on Facebook? Not the best plan.

Maybe this would work at a less competitive chapter where they are interested in learning (read: not bidding, just learning) about every possible PNM they can. But guess what man, this chapter probably already got a list of target guys they want and if this is your only connection, you won't be on it. At even the most competitive schools I'm sure somebody can come through and "Wow" the whole fraternity with their personality, but those are statistical outliers.

That being said, there may be other appropriate people in the fraternity to contact IF you get into Auburn and want to attend summer rush events. Maybe the rush chair? But I'm not from an SEC school so I'll defer to those who actually have that knowledge.

Also, I cannot recommend enough looking at every chapter. This isn't just a "PC" thing, it's because certain chapters attract a certain type of guy. The chapter won't make you into "one of them", if you suck at sports and join the jock fraternity you'll still suck, if you are high strung and join the laid back fraternity you'll still be high strung, etc. When you get to whatever school you're going to, really take a look around and think about who you ARE rather than who you want to be. As you get older you'll realize the value of this more, but even by some miracle if you end up in a chapter that is "not you", you'll have four years of stressful posturing and "catching up" and won't make the deeper bonds that many people enjoyed about their fraternity experience.

I hope this advice didn't sound rude, I wish you the best of luck but it's also important to have the right mindset.

[DeltaEmi88]

Originally Posted by TriDeltaSallie

Snap, snap. I dislike it when people say Tri Delt. Especially when people hyphenate it when they write it (as in Tri-Delt). Double wrong.

I was just about to say that exact same thing! It drives me even more insane when I see my own sisters saying it and wearing it on shirts. We're Deltas, or Tri Deltas, not Delts.

[angels&angles]

Same may apply to shortening the fraternity name. Unless you know for sure the person you are speaking with will not be offended by it, don’t shorten the fraternity's name.

This. Some universities use different nicknames than others. For instance, at my campus the Lambda Chi Alphas are known as the Lambdas, not Lambda Chis. Pi Kappa Alphas are PIKAs not Pikes. Pi Kappa Phis are Pi Phis (Guy Phis, sometimes, to distinguish them from the sorority) not Pi Kapps.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DTD Alum

Maybe this would work at a less competitive chapter where they are interested in learning (read: not bidding, just learning) about every possible PNM they can.

No. It wouldn't. If anything, it would be even MORE creepy.

If chapters in that situation are open to truly random people that they have zero connection with, they usually make a group on Facebook or something. At least, now in the days when you can't have open parties, that's what they do.

As far as the nicknames, it is different at every school, and at some places it would be easier to drag an elephant through the eye of a needle than to change what people call things. You have to be kind of careful sometimes how you correct people on it. The last thing you want is for them to associate you with negativity or pickiness.

[DTD Alum]

Originally Posted by 33girl

No. It wouldn't. If anything, it would be even MORE creepy.

If chapters in that situation are open to truly random people that they have zero connection with, they usually make a group on Facebook or something. At least, now in the days when you can't have open parties, that's what they do.

I don't know, at least based on my experience I disagree. When I was in college my group had moderate rushing strength, we weren't the best and we weren't the worst. We were prepared that we had to do more digging to find a pledge class we were really happy with more so than my best friend's chapter, which was arguably the top. They pretty much knew who they wanted to pledge and were only moderately interested in looking at guys they hadn't considered. We were more open to looking at guys we didn't know, and also more open to utilizing connections that were less tenuous. We had to do more work but always ended up finding 20-30 guys we were extremely excited about.

So if somebody had contacted me with such a tentative connection (and IF it wasn't completely creepy), I'd have at least invited him out to a couple things right before rush and see how it went. We'd make a decision pretty naturally on if we'd want him or not. If it went badly, we'd cut him, and if it went well we'd keep him. This happened several times where we'd have said, "Hey, this guy is from my high school, let's see how he is and if he fits in we can use that connection to our advantage." My friend's group, which like I said was probably the most competitive on campus, would only care if the connection was extremely strong because they knew they could get 20-30 great guys from that alone.

Perhaps this only applies to fraternity rush 33girl, but in my experience since you aren't just competing to get the guys you actively rush but are also competing to get guys in the door in the first place, you definitely try to make the most of any connection you can get to make sure those guys come through the door. Then it's about picking the ones you want. The truly competitive chapters didn't do that because they could rest on their laurels and only focus on 30-40 top guys and then get a pledge class of 25-30. Of course, at times that laissez faire attitude backfired for them.

So I stand by my statement, and I think most guys who have gone through fraternity rush would echo it.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DTD Alum

So if somebody had contacted me with such a tentative connection (and IF it wasn't completely creepy), I'd have at least invited him out to a couple things right before rush and see how it went.

This isn't what the OP originally proposed.

He was going to contact a dude he said he had NO connection with, other than having gone to the same prep school several years apart, apparently had no friends in common with, and ask him about fraternity rush. That's creepy and stalkery, regardless of where your fraternity falls in the social pecking order and regardless of how desperate they are for guys. Not until well in the thread did he mention he had some mutual friends with the guy in question.

The thing that scares me most is that he didn't think of asking the mutual friends to talk to their friend FIRST. The first thing he thought of was random contact on facebook. Is this generation really that socially inept?

[southerngent111]

ok 33girl, i don't see why you now feel the need to bash me. the friends i have that know him aren't even THAT good of friends with him. therefore, it'd be weird if i told them to contact this guy for me.

i just had a simple question. i don't see why you're telling me i'm socially inept. no need for criticism

[33girl]

Originally Posted by southerngent111

ok 33girl, i don't see why you now feel the need to bash me. the friends i have that know him aren't even THAT good of friends with him. therefore, it'd be weird if i told them to contact this guy for me.

i just had a simple question. i don't see why you're telling me i'm socially inept. no need for criticism

I'm not bashing you personally, I'm bashing your whole generation. You just happen to be the representative of it today.

I fail to see how it would be "weird" if you asked friends to contact one of their friends to pave the way for an introduction, and "not weird" to start up a conversation with a guy who you found through his fraternity's FB page. Which kind of proves my point, I guess.