Would you get married quickly if you had no doubts?

[TonyB06]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

... So what say you, GC: If you were both absolutely certain you wanted to be together forever (and were in a financial/situational place to do so), are you the type to push for marriage or do you prefer the low-pressure long-term?

Interesting thread. My theory is that you don't really know a person until you have seen two things:
-until you have seen them angry
-until you have seen them angry at you because of something you have done (or something they perceive you have done).

Nothing "sexy" or "flattering" about either of these scenarios but both of them will show the character of who you are dealing with for real.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

Interesting thread. My theory is that you don't really know a person until you have seen two things:
-until you have seen them angry
-until you have seen them angry at you because of something you have done (or something they perceive you have done).

Nothing "sexy" or "flattering" about either of these scenarios but both of them will show the character of who you are dealing with for real.

I agree. It is a bad idea to fall quickly in love (or in like) and make the marriage leap before you've seen that person in different moods, around family, and how they behave when shit hits the fan.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

Interesting thread. My theory is that you don't really know a person until you have seen two things:
-until you have seen them angry
-until you have seen them angry at you because of something you have done (or something they perceive you have done).

Nothing "sexy" or "flattering" about either of these scenarios but both of them will show the character of who you are dealing with for real.

I'm going to add:

-until you have seen his credit report

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

Only for Lenny Kravitz.

Everyone else has to wait a while.

Originally Posted by Jen

I would wait. Because that marriage shit is expensive.

LOL!

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

Interesting thread. My theory is that you don't really know a person until you have seen two things:
-until you have seen them angry
-until you have seen them angry at you because of something you have done (or something they perceive you have done).

Nothing "sexy" or "flattering" about either of these scenarios but both of them will show the character of who you are dealing with for real.

Totally agree. Yep, I just think that what you posted is so important. I mean, I wait because I want to be with him long enough to see patterns. Like, how does he interact with people, how does he handle stress, the way he handles money, is he indecisve, is he able to calmly gather the facts, like making rational and wise decisions under pressure, or does he explode, fall apart, his habits etc. I just think that too many people (mainly women), are so anxious to be married that they don't pay attention to these signs. It's just that this happens because they are "in love" therefore everything their guy does is okay or can be changed later. Uh uh, what you see is ultimately what you get. I just don't get why no one ever rationalizes that the cost of cancellation before a wedding is far less than the cost of a divorce, emotionally as well as financially.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I mean, I wait because I want to be with him long enough to see patterns.

PREACH!!!!

[psusue]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Uh uh, what you see is ultimately what you get. I just don't get why no one ever rationalizes that the cost of cancellation before a wedding is far less than the cost of a divorce, emotionally as well as financially.

My mom always says 'even if you were to run screaming back down the aisle, it would ultimately still be cheaper, less embarrassing, and less painful than a divorce'. FWIW.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by psusue

My mom always says 'even if you were to run screaming back down the aisle, it would ultimately still be cheaper, less embarrassing, and less painful than a divorce'. FWIW.

lol
Your mom is so right. To me, based on what I see happening today, prospective husbands no longer have to court women, or behave like gentleman. The reason why is because too many women are willing to fill in the blanks in the relationship themselves in order to have a man. It's pathetic. And yet, many of these women still end up unfulfilled or repeatedly alone. It's just that because of our longing for a relationship with a man, we often accept less than what a great guy is or should be. It's just that knowing the behavioral patterns of true love helps us to be more discerning. I just think that what it boils down to is choosing to be honest with ourselves, even when it hurts, because it's the only safeguard against repeatedly being a victim in romantic relationships.

[preciousjeni]

I got married about seven months after getting engaged. We had known each other for just under two years and had been together for one year when we got married. Actually, maybe we don't qualify as getting married fast.

I knew I was going to marry him about a month after I met him, but I didn't mention anything until we got more serious.

ETA: Our five year anniversary is a couple months away.

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Your mom is so right. To me, based on what I see happening today, prospective husbands no longer have to court women, or behave like gentleman.

I was courted.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

I was courted.

And congrats on your 5th year of marriage. May God continue to bless you with many more.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

And congrats on your 5th year of marriage. May God continue to bless you with many more.

Thank you!