Concerns for Boyfriend going through Recruitment

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by dnall

Hard work isn't hazing. The program I referred to was award winning & endorsed by both the university and nationals. It was very hard though, harder in many ways than hazing had been, but legal.

When my gf pledged her sorority she had: 1x 2hr chapter mtg, 1x1hr pledge meeting (about social & don't post stupid pics), and 4x random study hours per week. They did one 12hr sisterhood retreat that consisted of busing out to this place while everyone slept, 2hrs of ice breakers, 2hrs of sitting around, & bus back. Then she got initiated. She didn't know what it was about, or even all her pledge sister's names.

Most people would say that's a fairly unsuccessful member ed process. They could have initiated her on bid day, or not even bothered cause it didn't mean anything anyway.

I don't advocate hazing. It is the most effective training tool I know when done correctly and constructively (versus moronically - like pissing on people - gross). But, anything you leave 18-22yo kids in charge of with little supervision is going to eventually get out of control. And, it is illegal. The consequences of getting caught or something catastrophic happening are not worth the gain. There are other methods to run an equally hard and more constructive training program without breaking the law. They just require exponentially more work on the part of the chapter.

For the OP, I know it's frustrating, but a lot of this is unknowable going in the door.

Asking about is fine. Everyone has a standard answer regardless if they haze or not. It doesn't necessarily appear unmanly or would a fraternity even care about that. It's when you keep asking about it or make a big deal out of it that it becomes an issue.

When I give a bid, I'm looking for someone to charge the gates of hell with me no matter the costs (I know, overly dramatic). I'm looking for a guy that doesn't care if he's going to be hazed or not hazed, and ready to overcome whatever challenge emerges to be part of my fraternity.

If he's whining about hazing, I'd feel like he's saying "I'm that committed to your org, unless it gets hard & then I'm gone." Even if I know we don't haze, I'd still think he's the guy that's going to bail when pledgeship isn't all glitter & unicorns (joke w/ my gf, sorry, but you get the point). I'm going to worry that even if he makes it through pledgeship, he'd be the active that wouldn't be there for you or wouldn't live up to his responsibilities cause his heart's really not in it.

If we did haze, it'd be worse on him cause people would want to test him to alleviate those concerns.

NPHC or a local isn't an escape either. There's hazing there too. It's against the rules and the law everywhere and no one is truly immune to it.

Just like you would tell a girl going through sorority rush, he needs to just focus on the groups he sees and find the one that is the best fit for him & that feels the same way about him. Everything else will take care of itself.

You know, one of the signs of lying is being overly verbose.