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Originally Posted by DolphinChicaDDD
Sometimes I feel like Alumnae groups need to remember they had to work to get members as collegiate. While they are already half way there, heck we all are members, but it is still about wanting to join and belong. When I moved to across the country, the first thing I did was join the alumnae chapter. I went to the first meeting and aside from being recognized when they asked new members to stand, I was invisible. I walked in, no one welcomed me. I left, no one said good bye. I felt like the odd girl out. It completely turned me off to the chapter.
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This was pretty much my experience. The president made sure to come chat with me for a minute, which was sweet of her, but everyone else quickly formed their groups and I didn't feel confortable breaking in. After the first event I resolved to try harder next time, but at the next event when I did join the conversation it turned out that I didn't really have much to contribute. The younger set (my age group) was all from one of the chapters in the area and since they all knew each other they were talking about mutual friends, their chapter, etc. The rest of the women were older and were talking about their husbands, kids, etc. I had, quite literally, nothing to say.
I don't blame the chapter since I don't really see a way to change things. The only thing I can think of is more structured activity that forces people to mix and mingle, but I think participation would go down if you were making a group of grown women do icebreakers every time they got together. It seemed like everyone just wanted to relax and chat with their friends, which I completely understand... it just doesn't leave much room for newcomers. One of the other members told me they had a hard time retaining new members because they complained that the group felt "cliquey" and I didn't have the heart to tell her that was why I wouldn't be back next time.
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Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby
I don't know about other orgs, but mine discourages very young alumnae from being too involved with the collegiate chapter. Certainly we were welcome to come down for recruitment and hold trays of punch and what-not, but being on an advisory committee while there are still women in the chapter with whom you were a collegian is a bit sticky. I definitely understand why they'd look for women further removed from college, or at least from different chapters, but it leads to a sense of "oh, we don't need you" followed by "please come back" four years later.
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My org is the same. I do understand the rationale, but I wish there was a way I could get involved, even minimally. I hate to complain about my org, but it's tough when you're expected to contribute so much for so many years and are suddenly told your help is no longer needed as soon as you graduate - especially when it's burned into your brain as an undergrad that "sisterhood is forever" and alumnae are such highly valued members of the org. I do think this varies depending on where you are, though - I have sisters my age who have been able to assist with recruitment or chaperoning, or have become "assistant advisors" at chapters in other parts of the country, but when I tried to get involved in these ways I either never received a response or was told I couldn't do anything at all until I was two years out (which I'm pretty sure is incorrect).
I do still want to advise (when I'm eligible) and get involved with an alumnae association, but I can see how many members would get discouraged by all this and never re-connect with the org. To be honest, I haven't really had any positive experiences with my org since graduation (except for interactions with friends in my own chapter). I would love to have the opportunity to work to change that someday because I love my org and it seems like such a waste to lose alums who want to stay involved.
ETA: It IS reassuring to see other women posting similar experiences to mine. I was beginning to think I was some kind of freak since normally all you hear about is super-positive alumna experiences...
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