Daughter had unhappy High School experience, should she not mention this during Rush?

[Titchou]

Hmmm...let's see...a Pac 10 school, 40,000 students, 16 chapters - yes, you need recs. Ask the friends who are doing them for their own groups if they know someone in ABC, XYZ, etc. Am sure you can get them all.

[im5am]

Sorry agzg if you thought I was attacking you or anyone else who posted responses to this thread. Actually everyone's replies have been very helpful and honest. I was referring to other posts in other threads, and they are not just to the "helicopter moms" either. We have seen posts to PNMs that have been quite insulting, not saying that has happened on this thread however. Anyway... daughter has seen the post and replies (although not too happy that I posted a topic about her!) I promised that I wouldn't do it again without consulting her, just wanted to prove my point about what she might say negatively about high school and after reading this she agrees how to address that issue. One quick question... Was I wrong to assume that parents of PNM's couldn't post too? If this wasn't the case, then I apologize. From reading past threads, there seems to be posts from PNM's, Alumni, Parents etc..Please direct me to the correct forum for parent support.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by im5am

One quick question... Was I wrong to assume that parents of PNM's couldn't post too? If this wasn't the case, then I apologize. From reading past threads, there seems to be posts from PNM's, Alumni, Parents etc..Please direct me to the correct forum for parent support.

Meh. Parents are allowed to post. We don't have a parent forum though.

Many Gcers are of the mind that PNMs should come here and get info themselves, as they will be the ones experiencing recruitment. That way, your kid doesn't have to be "not happy that I posted a topic about her" and she gets the satisfaction of saying "I got my recs/gather all the info on my own."

Same goes for stuff like college admissions. The kids are the ones going to college. It's fine to help and maybe provide some guidance, but it's good to let them find information and figure out what they need on their own. Eventually, you aren't going to be around to help them, so that's an important skill to have.

Everyone has a different opinion though. You certainly are welcome to continue posting if you like.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by im5am

Sorry agzg if you thought I was attacking you or anyone else who posted responses to this thread. Actually everyone's replies have been very helpful and honest. I was referring to other posts in other threads, and they are not just to the "helicopter moms" either. We have seen posts to PNMs that have been quite insulting, not saying that has happened on this thread however. Anyway... daughter has seen the post and replies (although not too happy that I posted a topic about her!) I promised that I wouldn't do it again without consulting her, just wanted to prove my point about what she might say negatively about high school and after reading this she agrees how to address that issue. One quick question... Was I wrong to assume that parents of PNM's couldn't post too? If this wasn't the case, then I apologize. From reading past threads, there seems to be posts from PNM's, Alumni, Parents etc..Please direct me to the correct forum for parent support.

Having been the daughter who needed pushing to see my mom's point of view (and yes, she's almost always right, I'll admit it now), I understand why you decided to post here. But try to get her to ask questions herself from now on, because it'll be good practice for recruitment. (And I do not mean this to sound like I'm preaching to a mom-I'm not one...but as it pertains to this situation, in the long run she'll be more at ease during recruitment and her new member period if she gets used to asking questions herself. She'll have a lot of them, everyone does!)

[AGDee]

I think it's really sad that in this day and age, the measure of whether she had a good high school experience is about dating. I would say that with a good GPA, participation on a sports team, lots of community service and other club involvement, she had a pretty good high school experience. Dating and going to dances/proms and popularity with boys does not define a woman.

[exlurker]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I think it's really sad that in this day and age, the measure of whether she had a good high school experience is about dating. I would say that with a good GPA, participation on a sports team, lots of community service and other club involvement, she had a pretty good high school experience. Dating and going to dances/proms and popularity with boys does not define a woman.

Also, could it be possible that bringing up high school dating, dances, etc. might be perceived as talking about "one of the Bs" (boys)? Lots of sorority women on GC counsel against getting into conversations that touch on boys and / or "partying," right?

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by exlurker

Also, could it be possible that bringing up high school dating, dances, etc. might be perceived as talking about "one of the Bs" (boys)? Lots of sorority women on GC counsel against getting into conversations that touch on boys and / or "partying," right?

Boys, booze, and Bible.

[fantASTic]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

Boys, booze, and Bible.

And Barack.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I think it's really sad that in this day and age, the measure of whether she had a good high school experience is about dating. I would say that with a good GPA, participation on a sports team, lots of community service and other club involvement, she had a pretty good high school experience. Dating and going to dances/proms and popularity with boys does not define a woman.

I think that might be mom's personal problem, not a problem of this "day and age" in general. Heck, it could be that daughter has had numerous - what shall I call them? - assignations - and mom just has no clue because they didn't come to the house, give her a corsage and bring her home at midnight.

The above is another reason that it's better for the kids to ask questions, rather than the parents.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I think that might be mom's personal problem, not a problem of this "day and age" in general.

To be fair, it could also be mom giving a few examples of why daughter didn't think high school was a great time rather than going into excrutiating detail.

[fantASTic]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I think that might be mom's personal problem, not a problem of this "day and age" in general. Heck, it could be that daughter has had numerous - what shall I call them? - assignations - and mom just has no clue because they didn't come to the house, give her a corsage and bring her home at midnight.

The above is another reason that it's better for the kids to ask questions, rather than the parents.

Midnight?? You mean 9:30, right??

[gee_ess]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I think that might be mom's personal problem, not a problem of this "day and age" in general. Heck, it could be that daughter has had numerous - what shall I call them? - assignations - and mom just has no clue because they didn't come to the house, give her a corsage and bring her home at midnight.

The above is another reason that it's better for the kids to ask questions, rather than the parents.

I thought the OP said the daughter was unhappy about her lack of social life during hs, not necessarily the mom. I think this is a case where daughter is about to make a rush gaffe by being overly negative and mom is truly looking for "back up" for the advice she has already given daughter.

When dealing with 17-18 year olds, you often need someone to say, "No Mom or Dad, you are not crazy."

[Barbie's_Rush]

Originally Posted by im5am

Sorry agzg if you thought I was attacking you or anyone else who posted responses to this thread. Actually everyone's replies have been very helpful and honest. I was referring to other posts in other threads, and they are not just to the "helicopter moms" either. We have seen posts to PNMs that have been quite insulting, not saying that has happened on this thread however. Anyway... daughter has seen the post and replies (although not too happy that I posted a topic about her!) I promised that I wouldn't do it again without consulting her, just wanted to prove my point about what she might say negatively about high school and after reading this she agrees how to address that issue. One quick question... Was I wrong to assume that parents of PNM's couldn't post too? If this wasn't the case, then I apologize. From reading past threads, there seems to be posts from PNM's, Alumni, Parents etc..Please direct me to the correct forum for parent support.

This is exactly what I am talking about. You posted here without your daughter's permission in some sort of random exercise to prove that mommy is right. Then you provided all the details to identify the school and even provided information that can help identify her. It's her freaking recruitment. Let her do it the way she feels comfortable and to be herself so she ends up in the place that's the best fit for her based on her personality.

And of course you continue to ignore the most important advice you've been given because it's not part of your "mommy is right, see?" agenda. Your daughter needs recs at the school she's attending no matter what the Greek life office is telling you.

[PenguinTrax]

Everyone take a couple steps back and a deep breath.

im5am - you've gotten some good solid advice here. your daughter needs recs at a PAC10 school. grades are only going to get her so far. many national orgs require recs, even though the greek life office says otherwise. they don't know the individual chapter membership requirements (they can't).

Get recs. It can only help your daughter.
Practice conversation skills.
Let her handle the rest of recruitment on her own.

[im5am]

And as far as recs, I'll tell her to go ahead and accept them from the people who have offered. Taken from my post #21. How is that ignoring the advice given?? I don't know why I feel I have to defend myself or daughter for that matter ( no she doesn't sneak around and lie where she has been) I posted because I wanted some help to pass on to my daughter ( not to be insulted ) and for which I have received great support so I thank those for that. She is appreciative as well and is excited to go on to this next chapter in her life...And as many of you have mentioned the rest is up to her ;-) Not that it's anybody's business but my daughter & I have a very open, honest relationship however we both are also stubborn and strong minded, hence my reason for the original posts. Knowing my daughter, if she read from experienced and knowledgable alumni the same things I was telling her it would carry more weight with her... which it did, she got some great advice. Thanks again and Happy recruiting to all!