Hyphenated last names

[AGDee]

I don't think the issue between those two is hyphenated names, honestly. This sounds like a power struggle/control issue and it would be a huge red flag to me regarding how conflicts will be dealt with later.

That said, I have co-workers who kept their maiden names completely. One doesn't care if things come to Mr. & Dr. HisLastName. Another one has an absolute fit. It's hard to figure out how to address their Christmas card so I don't mail one to them, I had deliver it to her at work with their first names all on the front. As she will attest, (and with moms I know who changed their names when they got remarried and subsequently have a different last name than their kids), teachers/schools/club leaders, etc. are almost always going to mess it up. I also think it's hard then to name the kids. Which name do they get? It adds a lot of confusion. However, if they want to live with that, more power to them.

I missed my maiden name when I got married the first time, so when I got married the second time, I legally changed my middle name to my maiden name. So now, I am legally FirstName MaidenName LastName. My middle name was Marie before anyway... along with half the people I know from my generation! I wasn't attached to it in anyway.

People should do what's right for them. This guy sounds like a total jerk to me though. If he's freaking out this much about a name, what's he going to do about serious stuff?

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I don't think the issue between those two is hyphenated names, honestly. This sounds like a power struggle/control issue and it would be a huge red flag to me regarding how conflicts will be dealt with later.

This guy sounds like a total jerk to me though. If he's freaking out this much about a name, what's he going to do about serious stuff?

THIS

[Gusteau]

Originally Posted by AGDee

That said, I have co-workers who kept their maiden names completely. One doesn't care if things come to Mr. & Dr. HisLastName. Another one has an absolute fit.

This is a pet peeve of mine - I don't mind if you correct me, I mean it is your name, but when people get militant and angry about it... If you're going to go against such a longstanding social convention I'm fine with it, just be patient in explaining your situation to those who have not been informed of it - there's no need to get angry.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Gusteau

This is a pet peeve of mine - I don't mind if you correct me, I mean it is your name, but when people get militant and angry about it... If you're going to go against such a longstanding social convention I'm fine with it, just be patient in explaining your situation to those who have not been informed of it - there's no need to get angry.

I have friends who are like this too.

One friend was still Girl Maidenname on FB. So I assumed she was still Girl Maidenname in real life.

Somebody called her Girl Maidenname once and she freaked out and was like "OMGWTFBBQ I'm Girl HUBBYSNAME now!!!!"

[lovespink88]

Originally Posted by Gusteau

This is a pet peeve of mine - I don't mind if you correct me, I mean it is your name, but when people get militant and angry about it... If you're going to go against such a longstanding social convention I'm fine with it, just be patient in explaining your situation to those who have not been informed of it - there's no need to get angry.

LOL This made me laugh...a few years ago when I was still in HS and working my HS job, I was helping my boss out with her wedding invitations during down time. I can't tell you how many envelopes I ended up having to reprint because the person to whom it was addressed was very picky about the way it was addressed. However, I didn't have that information from the start... All I had was the name of the husband, name of the wife, and his last name. It was such a mess...

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by ZTA72

I know many female physicians who keep their name and then if married after graduation then use their husband's name socially and for any children. It seems to work well to separate work and social/family life.

This is what I do. Actually, sometimes I don't remember what name I use for what situation, and I'll be at a hotel checking-in having to give a litany of different names for the reservation! Professionally, I use my maiden name...which no one can pronounce correctly. Usually I use my married name socially...which REALLY no one can pronounce since my Greek FIL changed when he came to America (too many Ds and Js in the name!) I also hyphenate when people in a group may know me by both names. If I had it my way, I'd just use my maiden name....hell, it's been mine since I was born no matter which parent it came from!

Originally Posted by Gusteau

This is a pet peeve of mine - I don't mind if you correct me, I mean it is your name, but when people get militant and angry about it... If you're going to go against such a longstanding social convention I'm fine with it, just be patient in explaining your situation to those who have not been informed of it - there's no need to get angry.

The only think that irritates me is when my husband gets the Dr and I get the Mrs. If you are handing out honorariums, give them to both of us please. I don't care if you don't call me doctor, but it's a slight to my gender to call him one and leave me out. What ever last name you put in doesn't matter to me.

To the OP, I guess your friend really needs to think these things through. I agree that this is just a power struggle. It will be one of many in a marriage. This is an issue that brings up old issues of male dominance that never had to be discussed in the past. Even in modern marriage, gender roles are automatically assigned in each persons mind going into the marriage. I am constantly amazed at what my very non-traditional husband still thinks is my "job" (ie. to do the shopping and cleaning until I remind him that he can do it just as well as I can.) Those kinds of things are really ingrained in our society, so if he's freaking out about a name, what else might be in his head about other female roles?