Single ladies, how do you respond to "why aren't you married yet?"

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

I figure I can wait if my grandmother did it way back in the day, and anyone who thinks there is something wrong with my choice to do other things before a family and kids is showing their own insecurity and perhaps jealousy since my single life has afforded me a lot of amazing experiences.

This is the way I feel. Although my maternal grandparents got married when they were 20, they didn't start having kids until about 10 years later which was INSANE for the 1940s! They got to go to amazing places all over the world and within the US because they spent their youth childless, and encouraged their children to do the same. All of the grandkids have graduated from college, and most have gone on to graduate school. I have never received any marriage or baby pressure from my mother's side of the family.

My father's side, however, is another story. Although my grandmothers are exactly the same age, my dad's mom started having kids in her early 20s and didn't stop until her mid 40s. Of my fathers' 13 siblings, I believe 3--including my father--went to college. Of the 60 or so grandchildren, 15 of us went to college and I believe 5 have advanced degrees. 50, however, have children. So, when I go visit them, they're like, "why don't you have kids?" What the EFF?!

Also, the idea of having a child right now scares the hell out of me. In my inner circle (friends/co-workers I see on a weekly basis), there's been one stillbirth, one nuchal cord that necessitated a week-long NICU stage, and one micropreemie. If you stretch it out to acquaintances and friends who aren't nearby, there are even more complications and a few miscarriages. I know this stuff happens all the time, but for it to all happen at once is making me very cautious.

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

This is the way I feel. Although my maternal grandparents got married when they were 20, they didn't start having kids until about 10 years later which was INSANE for the 1940s! They got to go to amazing places all over the world and within the US because they spent their youth childless, and encouraged their children to do the same. All of the grandkids have graduated from college, and most have gone on to graduate school. I have never received any marriage or baby pressure from my mother's side of the family.

My father's side, however, is another story. Although my grandmothers are exactly the same age, my dad's mom started having kids in her early 20s and didn't stop until her mid 40s. Of my fathers' 13 siblings, I believe 3--including my father--went to college. Of the 60 or so grandchildren, 15 of us went to college and I believe 5 have advanced degrees. 50, however, have children. So, when I go visit them, they're like, "why don't you have kids?" What the EFF?!

Also, the idea of having a child right now scares the hell out of me. In my inner circle (friends/co-workers I see on a weekly basis), there's been one stillbirth, one nuchal cord that necessitated a week-long NICU stage, and one micropreemie. If you stretch it out to acquaintances and friends who aren't nearby, there are even more complications and a few miscarriages. I know this stuff happens all the time, but for it to all happen at once is making me very cautious.

The thing is though, I get from what you've shared about yourself, that if we were single women who had babies with special needs, our families have the resources to assist us (though we're capable on our own) and that we'd still have careers and achieve our goals. Sometimes when I am with my family I feel as if I'm the exception, and not the rule. I do joke though that my sister has been married three times, so between the two of us we're covered.

As much as I would like to be married and a mother, there are times that the thought frightens me.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

I do joke though that my sister has been married three times, so between the two of us we're covered.

I laughed out loud.

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

As much as I would like to be married and a mother, there are times that the thought frightens me.

This. I find myself being particularly creeped out now that I know people in my age group who are getting divorced already (at 25-30 years old). One girl I know got married at 22 and is in the middle of a divorce right now at age 25. It's sad, yet weird because I thought to myself "aren't we too young for this?"

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

But aephi alum, how else are we supposed to win at life?

LOL

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

This. I find myself being particularly creeped out now that I know people in my age group who are getting divorced already (at 25-30 years old). One girl I know got married at 22 and is in the middle of a divorce right now at age 25. It's sad, yet weird because I thought to myself "aren't we too young for this?"

I have two separate friends in their early 30s who have gotten married and gotten divorced. In both cases, their first spouses just ran off one day. One of my friends is remarried with a baby, the other is engaged. It is sad...

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

The thing is though, I get from what you've shared about yourself, that if we were single women who had babies with special needs, our families have the resources to assist us (though we're capable on our own) and that we'd still have careers and achieve our goals. Sometimes when I am with my family I feel as if I'm the exception, and not the rule. I do joke though that my sister has been married three times, so between the two of us we're covered.

As much as I would like to be married and a mother, there are times that the thought frightens me.

There's that, but for me it was the realization that babies die or can be very close to death. I've known families where this has happened, but usually there's an underlying factor (drug use, a genetic disorder that should have been recognized) or the mom was told from the beginning that she shouldn't have children. This year, I dealt more with couples who did everything "right" and still the kid died or was very close to it. That scares me a lot.

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I laughed out loud.

I also have two stepsisters, one hase been married twice, the other once, and my stepbrother is older and has never been married. Since I'm going to graduate school and my sisters have kids I am not really pressured much anymore.

This. I find myself being particularly creeped out now that I know people in my age group who are getting divorced already (at 25-30 years old). One girl I know got married at 22 and is in the middle of a divorce right now at age 25. It's sad, yet weird because I thought to myself "aren't we too young for this?"

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

There's that, but for me it was the realization that babies die or can be very close to death. I've known families where this has happened, but usually there's an underlying factor (drug use, a genetic disorder that should have been recognized) or the mom was told from the beginning that she shouldn't have children. This year, I dealt more with couples who did everything "right" and still the kid died or was very close to it. That scares me a lot.

I love my nephew, but I'm currently traveling with him and he coughed so much he barfed...I almost puked when he puked. I think my sympathetic gag reflex needs to be worked on before I become a parent. I also was with my baby cousin (my 1st cousin's kid, she's 12) and we talked a lot about cousins who had babies young and that it is hard so she can wait until she finishes college. I like that I'm now the good example and someone to be admired instead of pitied. I'd never be able to pick up and travel domestically or internationally, or live in a tent in Alaska for two months if I had a kid at 20. I'm going to try to get her to come visit me while I still live in a college town so she can get excited for college, and hopefully she'll stay in Girl Scouts.