How important is family background to you?

[SuperblySigma]

I'm actually on my first practicing Catholic boyfriend, but as a practicing Catholic myself, I've found that it's WAY more important to me than I ever thought it would be. It's nice that when we go to Mass together, we both know what's going on, and it's nice that his morals stem from the same place as mine. I swear to God, I never thought it would be this important to me--I never even thought of it as important until I had it. But, you know, I was never really willing to convert or anything, and I am expected to (and want to) raise my children Catholic when I have them. It's not even a question for me, but it might be for someone who wasn't raised Catholic or who wasn't particularly religious.

I also value him having a good relationship with his family. My ex wouldn't call his parents--or even answer their calls... he was a bad life choice! I also won't ever date anyone without a huge family again. I mean, I only have one brother, but I have on the order of two dozen cousins and step-cousins (not even counting the family friends that are close enough to be called uncle/auntie/cousin.) I've found that if a dude doesn't grow up in that environment, he's not gonna know what to do with my family.

I prefer a pretty similar socio-economic class and similar money values. The aforementioned ex's daddy had like 30k in credit card debt (I KNOW, RIGHT?) and NEVER again will I date someone who's been raised like that... cause on the COMPLETE other side of the fence is my daddy, who is probably the most frugal man on the planet. (I think the happy medium is to recognize nice things, and go for it when it's appropriate--e.g., buy the NICE suit on sale for what the cheap one would have been full price and always stay within your means--but don't overvalue them or put yourself in debt to get them.)

One thing I always thought would be important was region! I thought I'd only be happy dating guys from where my family is from (the South) or where I grew up (the West Coast). But now I'm dating this hardcore New Englander, and I even like the Red Sox gear he bought me. I was totally wrong--isn't that funny? Like, I swore up and down that I hated Boston accents, and now I think they're super cute. :P

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by SuperblySigma

I'm actually on my first practicing Catholic boyfriend, but as a practicing Catholic myself, I've found that it's WAY more important to me than I ever thought it would be. It's nice that when we go to Mass together, we both know what's going on, and it's nice that his morals stem from the same place as mine. I swear to God, I never thought it would be this important to me--I never even thought of it as important until I had it. But, you know, I was never really willing to convert or anything, and I am expected to (and want to) raise my children Catholic when I have them. It's not even a question for me, but it might be for someone who wasn't raised Catholic or who wasn't particularly religious.

I also value him having a good relationship with his family. My ex wouldn't call his parents--or even answer their calls... he was a bad life choice! I also won't ever date anyone without a huge family again. I mean, I only have one brother, but I have on the order of two dozen cousins and step-cousins (not even counting the family friends that are close enough to be called uncle/auntie/cousin.) I've found that if a dude doesn't grow up in that environment, he's not gonna know what to do with my family.

I prefer a pretty similar socio-economic class and similar money values. The aforementioned ex's daddy had like 30k in credit card debt (I KNOW, RIGHT?) and NEVER again will I date someone who's been raised like that... cause on the COMPLETE other side of the fence is my daddy, who is probably the most frugal man on the planet. (I think the happy medium is to recognize nice things, and go for it when it's appropriate--e.g., buy the NICE suit on sale for what the cheap one would have been full price and always stay within your means--but don't overvalue them or put yourself in debt to get them.)

One thing I always thought would be important was region! I thought I'd only be happy dating guys from where my family is from (the South) or where I grew up (the West Coast). But now I'm dating this hardcore New Englander, and I even like the Red Sox gear he bought me. I was totally wrong--isn't that funny? Like, I swore up and down that I hated Boston accents, and now I think they're super cute. :P

Let us know when you have the ring and your wedding date...

I am so happy for you to have found the man of your dreams--maybe the one God meant for you... Who knows?

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

He wouldn't have been in my life.

Well, I was thinking more on the lines of him already being involved in your life. Like, if you were already married to him. For example, let's say you met him and he passed your screening and you two hit it off well. The only thing was he had some bad family members that you already knew about. He wasn't anything like them, but he was still apart of that family. What if someone from his family wanted to borrow a large sum of money, and he says yes and you say no. How would you handle that one? I mean, would you be with him if he came from a really bad family? Is that what you mean when you say he wouldn't have been in your life?

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

They do pray to the Virgin Mary, just as they pray to Saints. But, it's not because the Virgin Mary or the Saints are equivalent to the Godhead. It's a request for intercession and a sign of reverence. It's similar to asking a pastor or a congregation to pray for you

That's what I thought.

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Right?

lol

Uhmm...I guess.

[VandalSquirrel]

If I meet a guy who has no guano family members, odds are he's the guano one.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Well, I was thinking more on the lines of him already being involved in your life. Like, if you were already married to him. For example, let's say you met him and he passed your screening and you two hit it off well. The only thing was he had some bad family members that you already knew about. He wasn't anything like them, but he was still apart of that family. What if someone from his family wanted to borrow a large sum of money, and he says yes and you say no. How would you handle that one? I mean, would you be with him if he came from a really bad family? Is that what you mean when you say he wouldn't have been in your life?

Hypothetically, anything can happen once you're married to someone. He knows where his "bread is buttered" and knows it isn't being buttered by his "bad family members." They have nothing positive to contribute so they really should be treated at arm's length. His primary family and primary focus are on HIS wife and kid.

That's not open for negotiation. However, if he independently chooses to dumb down and lends his "bad family members" money from HIS account, he better not touch the joint account, then he better be smart enough to do a contract of repayment for small claims court purposes. Business never personal. I can't be mad at what comes from HIS account but he better make sure it doesn't interfere with OUR finances and OUR family. People will disrupt your life and then go about their business, leaving you to pick up the pieces. A grown man knows all of this so I don't foresee this ever being more than a passing discussion.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Hypothetically, anything can happen once you're married to someone. He knows where his "bread is buttered" and knows it isn't being buttered by his "bad family members." They have nothing positive to contribute so they really should be treated at arm's length. His primary family and primary focus are on HIS wife and kid.

That's not open for negotiation. However, if he independently chooses to dumb down and lends his "bad family members" money from HIS account, he better not touch the joint account, then he better be smart enough to do a contract of repayment for small claims court purposes. Business never personal. I can't be mad at what comes from HIS account but he better make sure it doesn't interfere with OUR finances and OUR family. People will disrupt your life and then go about their business, leaving you to pick up the pieces. A grown man knows all of this so I don't foresee this ever being more than a passing discussion.

I was thinking only one account. A joint account. Some couples are actually doing the two separate and one joint thing though. I don't see the purpose. I could see if he was bad with money, but even then, two separate accounts wouldn't make things better. I guess I look at marriage like the two candles. You know when there's two candles during the majority of the wedding ceremony, then they light one and blow the other two out? Everything should be one, including the account.

I think it causes a whole new set of problems when family members start asking to borrow money though.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I was thinking only one account. A joint account. Some couples are actually doing the two separate and one joint thing though. I don't see the purpose. I could see if he was bad with money, but even then, two separate accounts wouldn't make things better. I guess I look at marriage like the two candles. You know when there's two candles during the majority of the wedding ceremony, then they light one and blow the other two out? Everything should be one, including the account.

I think it causes a whole new set of problems when family members start asking to borrow money though.

My boyfriend (live-in) and I have both separate checking and savings accounts, then a joint account to pay bills with. I can imagine that if (and when) we do get married, we'll slim it down to one joint savings, one joint checking, and two separate checking accounts. Sometimes it's good to have a little mad money that's just yours, as long as the bulk of your income goes to the household.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

My boyfriend (live-in) and I have both separate checking and savings accounts, then a joint account to pay bills with. I can imagine that if (and when) we do get married, we'll slim it down to one joint savings, one joint checking, and two separate checking accounts. Sometimes it's good to have a little mad money that's just yours, as long as the bulk of your income goes to the household.

Everyone is different, but I disagree. I mean, a live in is different from a marriage partner. I don't think there's anything wrong with living together, but it still isn't a marriage. You can still have a little spending money after all of the bills are paid from one account. If you set a budget and follow it I don't see why separate accounts are necessary. It's just that being married with two separate accounts says to me that we're still separate. It should only be one account. Why even get married if you're still going to be doing things the way you were doing them when you weren't married?

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Some couples are actually doing the two separate and one joint thing though.

That's us.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I think it causes a whole new set of problems when family members start asking to borrow money though.

Oh and WE KNOW. That's why it's out of the question except for certain extenuating circumstances. And the general rule is that his family can BORROW (hint: contract) from his account after he and I discuss it. But borrowing is a last resort because he is not into the lending business.

I don't believe in loaning grown adults money. Unless a medical emergency comes about that depletes a family members' accumulated wealth.