Wedding Invitation Etiquette Question

[agzg]

Here's a random question:

My sister in law and I went to a shower for a mutual friend last month, and because my SIL was working two jobs at the time and wasn't sure she could make it at all, she made sure she had a card well in advance, so that in case she couldn't get a gift (off the registry or otherwise) she could at least put a check in the card so she didn't show up empty-handed.

When the bride opened the card, she made a big deal about just getting money (jokingly, but it still made my SIL feel awful), and then she mentioned again later that "only she would put money in a card and call it a day" in the thank you note. It should be noted that none of the stores where the couple is registered are anywhere near my hometown, where my brother and SIL live. Is that mean or ungrateful or are you really supposed to be sure to give a gift and only a gift at a shower?

I tend to get a giftcard to one of the stores that people register at - one because I really hate buying off a registry in the first place (I can almost never find the item unless it's at a certain popular bullseye type branded store that I used to work at), and two, because I worked at the bullseye, I always saw couples coming in after the wedding and buying a lot of the stuff that was on their registry and people didn't get (or they got part of it, say, a plate but none of the matching set) so I figure a giftcard to that store will help them fill out their registry. Should I be getting an actual gift? Thoughts?

[SWTXBelle]

I personally don't like giftcards or money as gifts. Part of giving a present is going to the trouble of picking it out, wrapping it, etc. Using a registry is good - at least you get to show some thought in what you pick out. Checks do seem somewhat of an afterthought, but given your SILs situation, it's understandable.

That said, NO BRIDE should EVER make a guest at a shower or her wedding feel that what he/she did was tacky. ANY gift is a wonderful gift - and to put a snide comment in a thank-you note is awful.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

I personally don't like giftcards or money as gifts. Part of giving a present is going to the trouble of picking it out, wrapping it, etc. Using a registry is good - at least you get to show some thought in what you pick out. Checks do seem somewhat of an afterthought, but given your SILs situation, it's understandable.

That said, NO BRIDE should EVER make a guest at a shower or her wedding feel that what he/she did was tacky. ANY gift is a wonderful gift - and to put a snide comment in a thank-you note is awful.

I never thought of it that way - I guess I'm thinking pragmatically like "oh this might offset some of the post-wedding, home-starting costs."

The nicest thank-you coming out of the shower? From the girls who planned it, thanking me for coming into town a day early so that I could help with the food and set-up. FWIW, I don't think I can get too upset about it because the bride sent a nice thank you note to me, expressing her regret that my boyfriend and I couldn't make it (cousin getting married the same day in a different state).

[AOII_LB93]

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

Here's a random question:

My sister in law and I went to a shower for a mutual friend last month, and because my SIL was working two jobs at the time and wasn't sure she could make it at all, she made sure she had a card well in advance, so that in case she couldn't get a gift (off the registry or otherwise) she could at least put a check in the card so she didn't show up empty-handed.

When the bride opened the card, she made a big deal about just getting money (jokingly, but it still made my SIL feel awful), and then she mentioned again later that "only she would put money in a card and call it a day" in the thank you note. It should be noted that none of the stores where the couple is registered are anywhere near my hometown, where my brother and SIL live. Is that mean or ungrateful or are you really supposed to be sure to give a gift and only a gift at a shower?

I tend to get a giftcard to one of the stores that people register at - one because I really hate buying off a registry in the first place (I can almost never find the item unless it's at a certain popular bullseye type branded store that I used to work at), and two, because I worked at the bullseye, I always saw couples coming in after the wedding and buying a lot of the stuff that was on their registry and people didn't get (or they got part of it, say, a plate but none of the matching set) so I figure a giftcard to that store will help them fill out their registry. Should I be getting an actual gift? Thoughts?

My thoughts? The bride is a rude bitch. How tacky to say something like that at the shower and then again in the thank you card. Be grateful for whatever you get, no matter what it is and give a sincere thanks, not a bitchtastic card like that.

FWIW, cash/checks were the predominant gifts at my cousin's wedding in NY. Out here in CA it seems people are more likely to give you an actual gift.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

My thoughts? The bride is a rude bitch. How tacky to say something like that at the shower and then again in the thank you card. Be grateful for whatever you get, no matter what it is and give a sincere thanks, not a bitchtastic card like that.

So true. Whether cash/check gifts are considered appropriate has alot to do with where you're from (ex: it's not the norm where I'm from). Whether the bride considers a cash gift inappropriate or not, she should always be grateful for any gift and never rude.

Sometimes women need to remember that it doesn't pay to be rude at your wedding or other wedding events, since you still have see/interact with some of your guests (especially family) afterward (and family, pretty well the rest of your life).