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Old 08-18-2008, 11:31 PM
RedefinedDiva RedefinedDiva is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2002
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I know exactly what you mean. I just went to a high school friend/Soror's wedding on Saturday. I know of another Soror that was married that day as well. I have a classmate/Soror that is planning a wedding right now and she is keeping me posted with every minor detail. One of my little cousins is preganant with her third child. And that's just right off the top of my head. Everytime I blink my eyes, someone else is getting engaged, married, or pregnant. It really is tiring. Why? Because it's NOT ME!!!!

Though I am only 28, I can imagine the pressure that I would feel at 37+ and I still had no prospects. I do feel immense pressure to just "settle down" at times. However, I think that God always has a greater plan for us. I think that we really do have to look deep within ourselves and be sure that we are REALLY ready for the commitment of marriage and babies.

For instance, this weekend while at the wedding, I felt great happiness for her. On the other hand, I just sat and imagined what my own bridesmaids would wear and what kind of gown I'd pick out for myself. I studied her wedding program and thought about what I'd add to my own and what parts I could do without. However, not long after, I thought about waking up to the same person day after day. I thought about my OCS ("Only Child Syndrome" ~ a "disorder" that I created) and how I can tire easily of being around people. I thought about him getting tired of me. I had a very minor panic attack. This showed me that perhaps I'm not as ready as I claim to be.

I won't EVEN discuss babies because they STILL baffle me to this very day! I JUST had a conversation with a friend about not knowing the FIRST thing about babies. I can't even imagine it!

Soror Blacksocialite, the most that I can offer is that I try to remain confident that it WILL be me one day and imagine how horrible it would be if all my friends decided that they were just too "tired" to help me celebrate. I know that when God's perfect timing for my marriage and kids occurs in my life, all of my worries will fall away and it will be more than I could even dream and hope for. Perhaps you can take that same approach. Treat each bridal/baby shower or wedding like HGTV. Pick them apart and decide what you WILL do differently/alike for your own event (because it WILL happen). Help your friends celebrate as you would want them to be there for you.

Another thing to keep in mind is that everything isn't all candy canes and lollipops behind the scenes. While I believe that babies are blessings, I don't believe the same is true for weddings. I do know someone that is going to be married soon, but the relationship is based on a lie. She has been dipping out on her fiance and still plans to be married. Will I attend the wedding? Yes. Does that circumstance made me envious that she is getting married and I'm not? Hell no. I said that to reinforce that not all situations are what they appear to be on the surface.

Stay strong, Soror!!
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Old 08-19-2008, 12:00 AM
AKA_Monet AKA_Monet is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Beyond
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You would want to go to my website (or tell your friend to do so) in that we have several articles dealing with this issue...

IDK what to tell you to tell your friend? It sounds like she allowing "external things" define her "internal truisms". And that is what needs to be sorted out before you include a someone as a mate in a longterm relationship, IMHO.

Also, There is many GC AKA Ave women on here that are over 35 years old. I think a handful of us are married. So there are numerous women that are unmarried, or without a relationship, and lonely. But, I can tell you in my committed 5 years, I get extremely lonely at times even when my husband is next to me snoring... There is no such thing as girl-talk with a husband. LOL.
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