What defines a helicopter parent?

[cuteASAbug]

I think that sometimes the kids are as much to blame for it as the parents. They are comfortable with the idea of having their mothers do everything for them and don't want it to change. I had a roommate in college whose mother would drive up once a week to visit to do her laundry and cook her dinner. She would also call her mother and ask her to call her professors to get them to change her grades or to call the housing office and complain when she had problems with another roommate. At our convention last month, someone was discussing statistics and helicopter parents, and said that the majority of incoming college freshmen feel that their parents aren't being involved enough in their lives and want them to be more active. This sort of scares me.

[NutBrnHair]

Originally Posted by cuteASAbug

I think that sometimes the kids are as much to blame for it as the parents.

I totally agree with you -- I certainly could have controlled my mother had she dared to embarass me this way!

[Tom Earp]

So, would todays Moms be more over bearing\protective today than say 30-40 years ago?

Is technology really the reason?

Or maybe some of the Moms are trying living a life that they did not have.

[cuteASAbug]

Originally Posted by Tom Earp

So, would todays Moms be more over bearing\protective today than say 30-40 years ago?

Is technology really the reason?

Or maybe some of the Moms are trying living a life that they did not have.

I definitely think that technology plays a large role in this. 30-40 years ago when you went to college out of state, long distance calls were limited and expensive so you had to learn how to fend for yourself.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by cuteASAbug

I definitely think that technology plays a large role in this. 30-40 years ago when you went to college out of state, long distance calls were limited and expensive so you had to learn how to fend for yourself.

LOL. Long distance calls weren't that "limited" 30 or 40 years ago. Even if more expensive than now, they were pretty easy to make -- people did it all the time. (I'm not even sure they were more expensive than now -- back then, we didn't have cell-phone service to pay for.)

What's different is that if you weren't where the phone was, no call. Cellphones make constant helicoptering easier, but they're not the reason for it.

As for going to college out of state, 30 or 40 years ago, most heli-parents wouldn't have allowed that -- the kid would likely be within a 2-hour drive.

[SOPi_Jawbreaker]

Originally Posted by cuteASAbug

I think that sometimes the kids are as much to blame for it as the parents. They are comfortable with the idea of having their mothers do everything for them and don't want it to change. I had a roommate in college whose mother would drive up once a week to visit to do her laundry and cook her dinner.

This reminds me of my college roommate. Her mom only came down at the beginning and end of semesters, but her mom did baby her when she was home by cooking for her and doing her laundry. So senior year, she's living in an apartment and not a dorm, and she didn't know that jarred pasta sauce needed to be put in the refridgerator after opening. She had been keeping her opened jar of pasta sauce in the cupboard. She also must've thought that dishes magically did themselves, because she never washed dishes or silverware all year.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by cuteASAbug

At our convention last month, someone was discussing statistics and helicopter parents, and said that the majority of incoming college freshmen feel that their parents aren't being involved enough in their lives and want them to be more active. This sort of scares me.

I always felt I didn't do enough "healthy rebelling" when I was a teenager (probably because I was an only child and you're so dependent on your parents' approval). But some of these kids today baffle me. It's one of two extremes - either they're doing everything behind their parents' backs, or nothing. It reminds me of the part in "Say Anything" where Ione Skye told her dad she lost her virginity - I can't even watch it, I get so squicked out.

Originally Posted by SOPi_Jawbreaker

This reminds me of my college roommate. Her mom only came down at the beginning and end of semesters, but her mom did baby her when she was home by cooking for her and doing her laundry. So senior year, she's living in an apartment and not a dorm, and she didn't know that jarred pasta sauce needed to be put in the refridgerator after opening. She had been keeping her opened jar of pasta sauce in the cupboard. She also must've thought that dishes magically did themselves, because she never washed dishes or silverware all year.

As far as that goes, there are people who've been raised with maids, etc that probably would be the same way.

I don't know, I think there's a difference between doing laundry, cooking etc for your kids - babying them - and being a helicopter parent. Cooking your kid a meal is one thing, calling your kid when they're at the mall and asking where they're going to eat/telling them where to eat is another.

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I don't know, I think there's a difference between doing laundry, cooking etc for your kids - babying them - and being a helicopter parent. Cooking your kid a meal is one thing, calling your kid when they're at the mall and asking where they're going to eat/telling them where to eat is another.

Exactly.

And this also gets to SWTX's original question as to where do we draw the line.