Emotional Affair

[AGDee]

I think this definition:

developing a close personal relationship with a person other than your spouse in which you share the daily aspects of your life including joys and problems with some one other than your spouse

Describes every close female friendship I've ever had and the relationship I had with my mother as well. I don't like that definition. To me, that's just a friendship and not an emotional affair. An emotional affair would have to have some feelings attached, feelings more similar to "love". Sorry, but the ladies I eat lunch with at work every day are people with whom I share life's joys and sorrows, but they are not emotional affairs. There is the romantic interest portion that's missing from that definition... the giddiness that you are going to see and spend time with that person, the little flip flop in your gut when you see them across a room, etc.

As for which is most damaging, I'd say the one in which you get caught...

[Senusret I]

Originally Posted by AGDee

As for which is most damaging, I'd say the one in which you get caught...

Amen to that.

[LPIDelta]

Emotional is worse, by far. Because I have found that they are far more likely to end a marriage than a purely physical affair.

[Coramoor]

Sexual Affair is a deal breaker. Instant divorce with no hope of recovery.

An emotional affair can be worked out. Hell, it could help a relationship. You realize that you are having problems, are almost strangers, and decide to fix it. It would almost like be dating and getting to know each other all over again. The hunt has always been more fun than an actual relationship.

[OtterXO]

I completely disagree. I think the hurt of an emotional affair is just as bad as the hurt of a physical affair. Probably moreso since you know the mistress/mister knows everything about you and the relationship.

[Coramoor]

Originally Posted by OtterXO

I completely disagree. I think the hurt of an emotional affair is just as bad as the hurt of a physical affair. Probably moreso since you know the mistress/mister knows everything about you and the relationship.

Both are betrayals of trust, one exposes you to more harm than the other. A sexual affair opens you up to disease as well as financial/paternity insecurity. My wife gets knocked up with another man's child, I don't know about it so I end up paying for it's up bringing...and catch HPV in the process.

I don't know the law, but I've read that under the current family court rulings if you are married and she gets knocked up by someone else the husband can still be held responsible for financially supporting the child b/c of the needs of the child.

That would piss me off a little more than what some dude knows about my relationship.

[scbelle]

Originally Posted by Coramoor

Both are betrayals of trust, one exposes you to more harm than the other. A sexual affair opens you up to disease as well as financial/paternity insecurity. My wife gets knocked up with another man's child, I don't know about it so I end up paying for it's up bringing...and catch HPV in the process.

I don't know the law, but I've read that under the current family court rulings if you are married and she gets knocked up by someone else the husband can still be held responsible for financially supporting the child b/c of the needs of the child.

That would piss me off a little more than what some dude knows about my relationship.

I get what you're saying about being mad about being responsible for another man's child (and in most states, if not all, the husband of the pregnant woman is automatically established as the paternal parent... I think steps can be taken to change that if he is not the father, though).

But emotional affairs are a lot more than just sharing the ins and outs of your relationship with an outsider... it's about getting emotional needs met by someone else. I would think that for a number of women, an affair would start as emotional, and then lead to sexual. Would you really be comfortable knowing that your wife is going to another guy and getting from him (emotional, sexual or otherwise) what she can't get from you? I think they would all be hard to work through.

For me, I think I would be more apt to shut down if I found out my husband was having an emotional affair. There's more of an investment there (of time, feelings, etc) than if he had just hooked up with a girl once or twice on a purely physical level.

[BlessedOne04]

I believe that which is worse depends on intimacy and intent. If you are in a committed relationships there is a level of intimacy that is being broken with both an emotional sexual relationship. Having an affair is draining whether it is emotional or physical because in some way you are telling your partner that they are filling your needs and they may be lacking in some area. Even if your intent is not to say that, the other will have those thoughts at some point in the process.

[scbelle]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I think this definition:

developing a close personal relationship with a person other than your spouse in which you share the daily aspects of your life including joys and problems with some one other than your spouse

Describes every close female friendship I've ever had and the relationship I had with my mother as well. I don't like that definition. To me, that's just a friendship and not an emotional affair. An emotional affair would have to have some feelings attached, feelings more similar to "love". Sorry, but the ladies I eat lunch with at work every day are people with whom I share life's joys and sorrows, but they are not emotional affairs. There is the romantic interest portion that's missing from that definition... the giddiness that you are going to see and spend time with that person, the little flip flop in your gut when you see them across a room, etc.

As for which is most damaging, I'd say the one in which you get caught...

All very true.

[PrettyBoy]

Emotional affairs usually start when someone's needs are being overlooked.