Thank You Notes

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by ZTAngel

Wasn't sure where to post this but since it kinda has to do with weddings I'll put it here.

What is the "rule" when it comes to thank you notes?

I've been to several bridal showers over the last few months and never received a thank you note from any of the brides-to-be for the gift I got them. Their weddings have come and gone and I received a thank you for the wedding gift but not the shower gift. I went out with one of the girls whose shower I recently attended (and never got a thank you) and another mutual friend. After a few drinks, the mutual friend decided to ask why none of us received a thank you note. Our friend answered, "I thanked you when I opened up the gift. Was I supposed to send a note also?"

I was always brought up to think that thank you notes were to be sent even if the person was present when you opened their gift. Even back when I was a kid opening gifts at my birthday parties at the roller skating rink, my mother always made me write a thank you note to all my friends.

Is it the norm not to receive a thank you note? These aren't like hillbilly girls without class either. These are girls who were raised by wealthy Southern families which is why I'm so shocked that they don't know better.

- ZTAngel
aka the girl who sent out all her bridal shower thank you notes one week after her shower and all 200 of her wedding thank you notes one month after her wedding w/o her husband's help....yes, I'm amazing.

My wife sent out thank you notes after both of her showers (one with my family, one with hers), and we sent out notes very soon after the wedding itself.

[AGDee]

I got married 19 years ago and the "rule" then was 3 months. I don't know where people got this year idea from. And yes, there were notes for every shower present.

[WinniBug]

Originally Posted by KSigkid

My wife sent out thank you notes after both of her showers (one with my family, one with hers), and we sent out notes very soon after the wedding itself.

Question....why was she responsible for the shower thank-you's?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by WinniBug

Question....why was she responsible for the shower thank-you's?

Men don't tradtionally attend bridal showers (even though some couples have co-ed showers now), so the bride/bridal party are usually the ones responsible for shower Thank You cards.

[WinniBug]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Men don't traditionally attend bridal showers (even though some couples have co-ed showers now), so the bride/bridal party are usually the ones responsible for shower Thank You cards.

My husband wrote the thank-you's for the gifts we got from his family's shower.

The bridal party's responsible for shower gift thank-you's?
Wow, it seemed like it was all that a couple of my bridesmaids could
do to throw a joint shower (on the same day as another sister's wedding....BAD idea)

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by WinniBug

The bridal party's responsible for shower gift thank-you's?

Well, not responsible per se, just helping you out a little with them, like keeping track of who brought what and maybe sitting up and helping you stuff envelopes & gather addresses for people you may not have. I've done that before as a bridesmaid.

[PeppyGPhiB]

While we're on the subject of Thank Yous, let me tell you about something that appalled me at a baby shower I attended a few years ago. At one point the hostess passed out envelopes to everyone and asked us to address it to ourselves, then announced that this was so the mom-to-be would have one less thing to do when writing out her Thank You notes. So, so wrong.

Last year, my family and I were all invited to a couple's wedding, and though we all purchased separate gifts and my brother and I don't live with our parents, the couple sent ONE Thank You card to all of us at the family address, which I also thought was rude.

I would feel TERRIBLE sending out Thank You notes even a few months after a wedding. By then, your wedding is old news to your guests; they deserve timely recognition that you received their gift. My good friends have followed a strategy that seems to work well: write the Thank You note as soon as you receive the gift, then mail out all the Thank You notes at the same time. This spaces out the writing so it's not overwhelming, and it ensures no one slips through the cracks. It gives you an excuse to open presents before the wedding, too ;-)

[ZTAngel]

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

Last year, my family and I were all invited to a couple's wedding, and though we all purchased separate gifts and my brother and I don't live with our parents, the couple sent ONE Thank You card to all of us at the family address, which I also thought was rude.

That's so wrong. You send out a thank you card per gift regardless if the gift-givers live in the same household (or are the same family). Once again, that was laziness on behalf of the couple. It's the same as wedding invitations. You send one invitation per couple. If there are people 18 and over living in the household, they each get their own invitation.

Back when I was living with my best friend, a friend of ours got married and she sent one invitation to us. I think she did it because she's cheap but still.... The outer envelope read:

Ms. ZTAngel and Ms. Roommate

It was on the same line! We still have an ongoing joke that we're each other's significant other.