Thank You Notes

texas*princess · #1 05-26-2008, 02:43 PM

I've always received super sweet thank you notes less than a week after the bridal shower.

honeychile · #2 05-26-2008, 02:49 PM

Yes, ZTAngel, you deserved a thank you note. I know that it's hard to rhapsodize over the fourth toaster one's received, but it's the very least the bride-to-be can do after being the honoree at what is basically a shakedown for gifts.

FWIW, when people neglect to send me one, their next gift from me is a very nice box of thank you notes. I've never had to do that more than once.

And, like you, I was on top of mine. I got married on a Friday, and every note was in the mail on Monday. Okay, over the top, but that man and I didn't go on a honeymoon right away.

KSUViolet06 · #3 05-26-2008, 02:50 PM

Yes, it is customary to write thank you notes for shower gifts. I've always gotten them and considered it rude whenever I did not.

I was always taught that thank you notes are in order for every event at which you receive gifts (i.e. engagement party, bridal shower, bridesmaids tea/party, bachelorette party, the wedding itself).

Munchkin03 · #4 05-26-2008, 03:03 PM

Yep...that's what I've always heard too. I always send thank-you cards.

On a similar note, what do you all think of the one-year timeframe a couple apparently has to send thank-you notes for wedding presents? I think it's jacked up for several reasons. One: with the wonders of internet registries, you know what you've gotten well before the wedding. Back in the day, you didn't get a lot of your presents until after the ceremony. Two: that rule was in place back when people took 6-month honeymoons and THEN had to set up house for the very first time. Now, since so many people have already set up a household, they don't need that buffer. I feel like now people use it as an excuse.

nancyagd86 · #5 05-26-2008, 03:12 PM

In Florida the arguement against white shoes prior to Easter and after Labor Day is almost a moot point. However, I absolutely refuse to budge on common courtesy, and Emily Post and Amy Vanderbilt will both back us up on thank-you notes! You have three months to get them out--family tragedies notwithstanding. And generally it's considered rude to not have shower thank-yous out within a week of the shower (because you have so many other things to do that you just need to check SOMEthing off the list!
One of my pledge sisters commented almost a year after a wedding that she hadn't gotten a thank you from the bride. We both knew bride & groom well, and I told her to call the bride & verify that they'd even received the gift--only to find out that the department store had never sent it! Ah, the wonders of the 'not-really-missing' thank you note.
You should have received thank-you notes for all of it...it's a huge expense to buy shower AND wedding gifts, especially if you want something you're proud to put your name on!

SWTXBelle · #6 05-26-2008, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Yep...that's what I've always heard too. I always send thank-you cards.

On a similar note, what do you all think of the one-year timeframe a couple apparently has to send thank-you notes for wedding presents? I think it's jacked up for several reasons. One: with the wonders of internet registries, you know what you've gotten well before the wedding. Back in the day, you didn't get a lot of your presents until after the ceremony. Two: that rule was in place back when people took 6-month honeymoons and THEN had to set up house for the very first time. Now, since so many people have already set up a household, they don't need that buffer. I feel like now people use it as an excuse.

NO NO NO - this drives me crazy! The happy couple do NOT have a year to write the notes - the rule is that you (the guest) have a year to send a wedding gift. Obviously, you want it to get there before the first anniversary. I don't know who first mangled the rule but they should be shot. My other pet peeve - bringing presents to the reception. Send them before, to the bride at her home address, or afterwards to both of them at their new address, but don't saddle someone (usually the bride's family) with having to try and store your gift without losing the card.

Climbing off soapbox . . .

Munchkin03 · #7 05-26-2008, 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

NO NO NO - this drives me crazy! The happy couple do NOT have a year to write the notes - the rule is that you (the guest) have a year to send a wedding gift. Obviously, you want it to get there before the first anniversary. I don't know who first mangled the rule but they should be shot.

Whoa, stand down there, buddy! Don't kill the messenger. I don't think it's right, either.

In the past few years, my family has received several thank-you cards 6-9 months after the wedding. We looked it up in an old etiquette book where, back when honeymoons were months long, it wasn't totally unacceptable to send a card after you got back from the honeymoon. Obviously, those days are long gone for several reasons. I've heard many people--coincidentally, the ones with the biggest, fanciest weddings--say, "well, we have a year to get them out!" It annoys me, but it's not uncommon.

SWTXBelle · #8 05-27-2008, 03:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Whoa, stand down there, buddy! Don't kill the messenger. I don't think it's right, either.

In the past few years, my family has received several thank-you cards 6-9 months after the wedding. We looked it up in an old etiquette book where, back when honeymoons were months long, it wasn't totally unacceptable to send a card after you got back from the honeymoon. Obviously, those days are long gone for several reasons. I've heard many people--coincidentally, the ones with the biggest, fanciest weddings--say, "well, we have a year to get them out!" It annoys me, but it's not uncommon.

Sorry I wasn't clear - I wasn't "NOing" you, but the knuckleheads who want to twist the rule to make it a year to get out the notes!

ComradesTrue · #9 05-28-2008, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

My other pet peeve - bringing presents to the reception. Send them before, to the bride at her home address, or afterwards to both of them at their new address, but don't saddle someone (usually the bride's family) with having to try and store your gift without losing the card.

This bears repeating.... people, please do NOT take gifts to the reception.

We had 6 gifts where the card got separated from the box. That does not count the multiple cards that we received that were just well-wishes (those people had mailed a gift instead) and were not originally attached to a box.

We had to wait until all gifts arrived through the mail to figure out which 6 people likely had brought one of the 6 mystery gifts. Then we had to call and explain the embarrassing situation and ask those people if they had indeed brought a gift to the reception, and then ask them to tell us what it was so that we could properly acknowledge the gift in a thank you note. Awful.

In addition, it was pouring, pouring rain on our wedding day. We left and went to a hotel, and our sweet families and friends had to take over 100 boxes up to our 3rd floor apartment. In the pouring rain.

So.. I will say it again. Do not take gifts to the reception. Either mail them or hand deliver before or after the wedding. Miss Manners endorses this as well.

pinkyphimu · #10 05-28-2008, 07:38 PM

[QUOTE=Blondie93;1659024]This bears repeating.... people, please do NOT take gifts to the reception.

Last summer, FI and I went to a wedding and he REFUSED to have the gift shipped to his friends. He HAD to bring it to the wedding. There was no arguing and I figured, whatever, the couple were not my friends. Now, we are in the midst of wedding planning. Our wedding is in PA (we live in MA). We are leaving from NYC the day after our wedding for our honeymoon. FI keeps saying how he hopes people do not bring gifts to the wedding because we have no idea what we will do with them! Now he realizes that he has been the worst wedding guest ever and feels badly for making people cart this stuff around! I am certain he will ship all future wedding gifts!

KSUViolet06 · #11 05-26-2008, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Yep...that's what I've always heard too. I always send thank-you cards.

On a similar note, what do you all think of the one-year timeframe a couple apparently has to send thank-you notes for wedding presents?

Absolutely not. I think 2-3 weeks after the wedding (at the most, 4 weeks) is good time frame. For example, I went to a wedding on May 2nd and got Thank You notes by the end of May. I gave them a little leeway because they hadn't lived together before and were trying to move and get settled, so I'm surprised I got them as soon as I did.

I was appalled when I went to a wedding the last weekend in September and did not get "Thank You" notes until December. These were from people who couldn't even play the "we were getting settled" card (already lived together) or the "we were busy card" as I knew they had only gone on a 3 day honeymoon but took A WEEK OFF FROM WORK. You had PLENTY of time to send out notes.

ZTAngel · #12 05-26-2008, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

On a similar note, what do you all think of the one-year timeframe a couple apparently has to send thank-you notes for wedding presents?

I think that's BS. I read somewhere (maybe on The Knot) that the new rule is 3 months. If it takes you a year to send out thank you notes, you're just being lazy. I had a large wedding and I had gifts from guests who couldn't make it. Those who sent a gift before the wedding got their thank you within a week. If they brought their gift to the wedding, it took me a month since I was on my honeymoon for two weeks and then had 200 notes to write when I got back. I wrote notes on my lunch break, while at the pool and during the evenings while watching TV. I got them all done within two weeks...it really wasn't that difficult which is why I think the one year time frame should be null and void.

Anyway, thanks y'all for letting me know that I wasn't crazy for thinking thank you notes should be sent even if you thanked the person at the shower. The best is that all these girls had a friend write down what each person got them for a gift. What did they think the list was for? So they could frame it??? Seriously...