Titles

[tld221]

Originally Posted by blakiceanjel

LOL! omg

I know what you mean, I guess. So what does it take for you to know that you want to own her? lol

too easy huh?


i think titles are important. its only natural that we have to label and define what things are. i think if one (or both) party is unwilling to create the "girlfriend/boyfriend" label then they arent ready to.

i figure, if you spend a lot of time together, you call each other often enough (on breaks at work, in the AM/before bed, etc), you date consistently enough and socialize amongst each other's people, thats enough to have a title.

of course everyone's gonna have their exceptions to this, but in my head, thats what it looks like to me.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by tld221

too easy huh?

Yeah I didn't take it.

[SummerChild]

What does the fact that you guys were moving too fast or that he messed up have to do with the title that you gave yourselves? The fact that you were moving too fast and that he messed up, in my mind, has nothing to do with a title. Therefore, if I can stretch logic a little, I would say, what does the converse (losing the title) have to do with him not messing up and with you not moving too fast?

It's not completely logical (the converse above) but, what does what you're saying having to do with the price of tea in China. If you mess up, you mess up - no matter the title. Ya'll just need to get your collective act together. LOL.

SC

Originally Posted by blakiceanjel

I understand what you're saying, but what if you are committed? I honestly think if someone is going to play around on you they will whether or not you have a title. A bad person might believe that if you don't have the title then you have no reason to be upset, but logical people know the difference.

My situation is a little different. He and I jumped into the relationship too fast, became bf and gf immediately. We were smitten with each other, but he got nervous with how fast everything was moving. He ended up doing something stupid (not cheating so much) and hurting me. We decided it would be better to lose the title and just date. Now we're closer than ever. We spend our whole weekends together, my family loves him (to them he's my bf), he lets me borrow his car, I even have some of my stuff stored in his storage room. But we don't have that title. It bothered me at first, but if he's my acting right I don't need it.

I know it might sound a little naive, but I've been in bad relationships before so I can tell the difference. I think (and I've told him this to which he replied "Maybe".. his version of yeeaaahhh lol) that he's afraid of messing up again. I've tried explaining that even if something bad happened now we'd still be hurt. He's just an over-thinker. lol

[Professor]

i guess - i just say this is constance - i don't say we have exclusive for ten years, that we are a couple, this is my girl - i just say this is constance - i will admit when she introduces me she says this is michael and puts her hand in my hand - this topic reminds me of women when they marry they stop saying the guys name and start saying this is my husband

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

chick = women and men = men?

Men also do wonder these types of things but may express it differently depending on who they are talking to. The question of title is really about wanting to be clear where the relationship stands (i.e. the lady is with someone) and what they should refer to each other as both in and out of each other's presence.

After a certain age the term "boyfriend" sounds wierd in certain settings so whatever words people choose to express exclusivity, the title is the same. Most people who are in exclusive, non-secret relationship would rather not have their significant other parading around saying "eh...that's my friend."

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by Professor

i guess - i just say this is constance - i don't say we have exclusive for ten years, that we are a couple, this is my girl - i just say this is constance - i will admit when she introduces me she says this is michael and puts her hand in my hand - this topic reminds me of women when they marry they stop saying the guys name and start saying this is my husband

Okay, your personal story aside, can you understand the topic, though?

You've never been with "constance" and someone ask who she is to you? Like "oh, is this your wife, etc." If not, okay.

And when you aren't around "constance" and people are unfamiliar with who "constance" is, what do you say?

[Professor]

no - i don't say anything - i'm old baby so i don't normally get those questions - now i have known instances when a dude is trying to check her out so i may walk up to her put my arms around her - she then introduces me by name

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

Okay, your personal story aside, can you understand the topic, though?

You've never been with "constance" and someone ask who she is to you? Like "oh, is this your wife, etc." If not, okay.

And when you aren't around "constance" and people are unfamiliar with who "constance" is, what do you say?

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by Professor

baby

eh.....

Anywho, I also know older people (40s and 50s) who discuss "titles," as well as get questions or comments in professional and casual settings that solidfy the desire to know "what we should call each other."

[KAPital PHINUst]

Personally speaking, if the titles aren't fiance/fiancee or husband/wife, then I neither want nor need a title.

I have never been comfortable with these modern "boyfriend/girlfriend" titles for the following reasons:

- The terms itself sounds juvenile
- It creates an artificial sense of commitment
- It encourages a "playing house" mentality in the sense of maintaining a relationship

I find it hard to take boyfriend/girlfriend relationships seriously for those reasons: your loyalty is dubious at best when you prematurely stake a claim on someone else's life.

The best "title" I can have for a women for whom we share a mutual interest in each other is simply "friend". And if the friendship deepens, and we decide we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other permanently, then we'll have appropriate titles such as fiance(e) and husband/wife.

[OhSoVeryLadylike]

Originally Posted by KAPital PHINUst

Personally speaking, if the titles aren't fiance/fiancee or husband/wife, then I neither want nor need a title.


I find it hard to take boyfriend/girlfriend relationships seriously for those reasons: your loyalty is dubious at best when you prematurely stake a claim on someone else's life.

The best "title" I can have for a women for whom we share a mutual interest in each other is simply "friend". And if the friendship deepens, and we decide we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other permanently, then we'll have appropriate titles such as fiance(e) and husband/wife.

if she/he isn't the fiance(e) or husband/wife...they are just a friend. Can you date other people?