I Don't Date Outside of My Race...

[starang21]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I'm clueless

that's a choice, not a circumstance.

[Little32]

On another note, when I have recently seen black men/white women pairings, to me it is almost as though they are expecting me to give them dirty looks.

For instance, if I am walking towards such a couple on the street, there is almost an air of challenge in the way that they look at me, as though they are waiting for something to happen (and I don't think that I am projecting). I just do the internal shoulder shrug and walk on by. I am not particularly concerned with who random people date or their reasons for doing so.

Has anyone else noticed this?

[MsFoxyLoxy77]

^^ I agree. I'm not sure if it's a defense mechanism because of prior harassment, a guilty concious, perhaps an uncomfortable feeling being in the presence of African American women, or what. But I have noticed a fearful glance, a somewhat challenging stare, individuals grasping their partner's hand or grasping it tighter, and other body gestures that seem to scream "get away from me", "what do you have to say about it", "see, he's happy who he's with", "here comes the angry sistah", "she's judging me or us"...etc.

And I'm like or ..was that reaction even called for?

[lovehaiku84]

Originally Posted by Little32

On another note, when I have recently seen black men/white women pairings, to me it is almost as though they are expecting me to give them dirty looks.

For instance, if I am walking towards such a couple on the street, there is almost an air of challenge in the way that they look at me, as though they are waiting for something to happen (and I don't think that I am projecting). I just do the internal shoulder shrug and walk on by. I am not particularly concerned with who random people date or their reasons for doing so.

Has anyone else noticed this?

I have noticed this, but more often than not it's the black man looking nervous and the white woman looking scared. I do the internal shrug thing as well. I have NOT noticed this when the man is black and the woman is latina/asian

[lovehaiku84]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

No I don't want to read them. Just because it's in a book or written by some famous author doesn't make it right.

Stealing a line from a bad movie I saw once..."Are you being deliberately dense?" I honestly think you have zero desire to become more educated about the issue and just want to ask a bunch of questions that you THINK you already know the answer to. I don't hate you, I really don't, so please don't think that. I just think you might not be the brightest crayon in the box.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by Little32

On another note, when I have recently seen black men/white women pairings, to me it is almost as though they are expecting me to give them dirty looks.

For instance, if I am walking towards such a couple on the street, there is almost an air of challenge in the way that they look at me, as though they are waiting for something to happen (and I don't think that I am projecting). I just do the internal shoulder shrug and walk on by. I am not particularly concerned with who random people date or their reasons for doing so.

Has anyone else noticed this?

i agree, and i think it happens with BM/WW as much as the other way around. just my experience. i just dont even look their way anymore.

one of my friends from college (a white man, gay at that) and i used to walk all over the village hand in hand just to see people's reaction. the "dirty looks" ALWAYS from black men. one dude screamed across the dining area of a freaking McDonalds "What the f***, that's how it is?"

and in another funny incident, we went to a bar and a bunch of older white women sized us up, and my friend approaches them. one of them says "well i guess ive seen it all." he says "yeah, you know how us gay white men from connecticut love our sassy black new york women!"

to which the WW replied, "well... youre better off staying with her than one of... them."

definitely one of those moments.

[tld221]

and yes, i too do think CG is just moving the thread along by feigning ignorance and cluelessness. between this and the SEX thread...

[DSTCHAOS]

No offense to cheerfulgreek but she does this with certain topics once she sets her mind to a particular way of thinking.

[AKA2D '91]

tld211's incident with her gay friend reminded me of this:

I had recently moved into my apartment. My colleague (gay and white) offered to help me with my drapes, etc. A girl moved in across from me. She was white, her guy was AfAm. My colleague and I went to the store for supplies so he could hang my valences, etc. We met them going down the stairs as they were going up. They had this expression like they validated us being together. Oh, so you're into the swirl, too?!?!? Ummm, sorry, we are not a couple was MY expression!!!

He and I both laughed. I laughed b/c I'm not into IR and he laughed because he's not into the va-jay jay! LMAO

My neighbor (dude) turned out to be one of NOLAs most wanted. After he was removed from the apartment in a Cops like scene, she soon left.

[DSTCHAOS]

LOL. They thought they had connected with you all real quickly.

(I'm mad that the AFAm dude ended up NOLAs Most Wanted. See, interracial daters, don't lower your dating standards so that you can date interracially. And if you never had high dating standards, boooooo to you.)

[AKA2D '91]

^^^ I see you picked that up!
OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[starang21]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

LOL. They thought they had connected with you all real quickly.

(I'm mad that the AFAm dude ended up NOLAs Most Wanted. See, interracial daters, don't lower your dating standards so that you can date interracially. And if you never had high dating standards, boooooo to you.)

maybe she was a loser herself and that was a step up. that's a strong possibility.

[MsFoxyLoxy77]

Originally Posted by starang21

maybe she was a loser herself and that was a step up. that's a strong possibility.

You're right, we can't rule that out.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by starang21

maybe she was a loser herself and that was a step up. that's a strong possibility.

True dat.

[preciousjeni]

Everyone has insecurities and those insecurities are enhanced when you're with a person for the wrong reasons. In the situations y'all are citing, people second-guess themselves and feel the need to constantly defend their relationships.

My husband is a lot older than I am and he's black. When we first got married, the age difference caused me some stress, but the interracial aspect never did. I believe that, early on, my husband was somewhat uncomfortable/insecure being married to a white woman for the reasons that many of you have stated in this thread. I accept that some people are ok with it and some are not. I understand why people are uncomfortable with BM/WW pairings and I do not begrudge them their opinions. I don't bear any feelings of hostility nor do I flippantly brush off the reality of the situation.

When I got married, I believed (and still do) that I was doing what was right in the eyes of God and that was my primary motivation. In the short time we've been married, we've experienced racial incidents, mostly involving racism directed at my husband with me learning the best way to handle the situation. My instinct is to attack because I love him, but there are more effective ways of dealing with people.

At one point, I was put in a position that shamed me. My husband was driving in the south and got pulled over. But, I believe that because I was in the car with another white family member, the officer checked us out and let us go without a warning or anything. He just told us to leave. In a sense, the experience was positive in that my family member had his first personal glimpse into DWB and the continued systemic racism that exists today.