I Don't Date Outside of My Race...

[TotallyWicked]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

Some black women do because ONCE AGAIN it's a case of "anything but black." Black women as a group have always been told our beauty is not the standard and that white women were more beautiful and more pure. That also fuels the fire of intragroup prejudice based on skin complexion and hair texture. So when Latina women are now some type of standard, and used as "anything but black," that is symbolic of more than just an individual-level dating preference.

Black women don't want every black man and we don't want to control who people date, in general. What we DO want is for our beauty and attributes to not be objectified and downplayed, only to be mimicked by others or celebrated as if the wheel has just been invented. When J Lo was such a big deal, for example, a lot of black women thought "okay...she's ALWAYS been pretty but her butt is something that many black women have everyday."

this is an issue on campus as there are about as many Black women as there are Latinas. I think it is an unspoken one though, like neither is willing to say something but I have had some conversations with my Black female and Latina friends.

Many of the Black women I talk to cannot stand that Black men are dating Latinas when there are just as many Black women on campus. Many of what my friends have said is "they seem to be going with them for the same attributes they can get with us", mind you there are very little Black Latinas and the majority are white of Mestiza (Indigenous/White..which ultimately leads em to be darker skinned than European Latinas).

Now other Black women have been telling me, "I'm okay with it, I ultimately don't like Black men gettin with white women when there are women of color around him". I know the main thing that perturbs Black women when Black males date Latinas on campus is when Black men (not all) tell them that they have 'more in common because of upbringing' with Latinas than they do Black women, this could be a class issue as my school has been able to recruit more inner city urban Latinos but has gotten way more middle class Black students than Latinos.

It's a mouthful open to more questions but I'm all ears

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by TotallyWicked

this is an issue on campus as there are about as many Black women as there are Latinas. I think it is an unspoken one though, like neither is willing to say something but I have had some conversations with my Black female and Latina friends.

Many of the Black women I talk to cannot stand that Black men are dating Latinas when there are just as many Black women on campus. Many of what my friends have said is "they seem to be going with them for the same attributes they can get with us", mind you there are very little Black Latinas and the majority are white of Mestiza (Indigenous/White..which ultimately leads em to be darker skinned than European Latinas).

Now other Black women have been telling me, "I'm okay with it, I ultimately don't like Black men gettin with white women when there are women of color around him". I know the main thing that perturbs Black women when Black males date Latinas on campus is when Black men (not all) tell them that they have 'more in common because of upbringing' with Latinas than they do Black women, this could be a class issue as my school has been able to recruit more inner city urban Latinos but has gotten way more middle class Black students than Latinos.

It's a mouthful open to more questions but I'm all ears

I really do not understand what you are saying.

I have dated NUMEROUS Latino gentlemen before I was married. It just was because those were the gentlemen that asked me out for a date.

And those Black men who say that [Insert your ethnic group here] is "more common because of their upbringing" are full of chit... There are just as many or possibly more Black women of similar or better upbringing than these men purport. These Black men generalizing Black women in that way is demeaning and belittling--and moreso toward ALL WOMEN!!! And I am wondering how women from varying ethnic groups would see anything possible in these dumbassed men?

I mean, am I missing something? Some these men are assholes! They don't deserve even the fake European trannie punanny!

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

And those Black men who say that [Insert your ethnic group here] is "more common because of their upbringing" are full of chit... There are just as many or possibly more Black women of similar or better upbringing than these men purport. These Black men generalizing Black women in that way is demeaning and belittling--and moreso toward ALL WOMEN!!!

These are people on a college campus. They are judging based on that campus bubble. I doubt those collegiates have a grasp of the totality of the matter.

[teena]

I admit, way back, I used to take issue with black men who dated non black women. My life experience has made me much more tolerant for a number of reasons. But the one I like the most is that 99.9999999 times out of 100, a black man who denigrates black women, he has a gang of head issues and I dont want to be bothered with him anyway.

I may be naive, but I dont thing that most black women object to interacial love. I think what many black women object to is being disrespected when black men choose to date outside of the race.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

These are people on a college campus. They are judging based on that campus bubble. I doubt those collegiates have a grasp of the totality of the matter.

The bubble is a non issue to me. Unfortunately these men graduate or leave college and bring that mentality to their jobs/careers furthering some of the institutionalized bigotry and racism in that "good ole boys club/network"...

How different is it when a young college teenaged Black male says generalizations like these versus late 20's/early 30's college educated Black male who says it that is likely pursue marriage/longterm relationship?

I tell you what, I would not want to seriously date, leading to a longterm relationship with someone thinking that mentality no matter what age he is...

Originally Posted by teena

But the one I like the most is that 99.9999999 times out of 100, a black man who denigrates black women, he has a gang of head issues and I dont want to be bothered with him anyway.

Now that is what I am saying. The brotherman who has decided to date seriously my EX-sister in law said some crap like this to my Ex-SIL... I think she was taken aback with his comment enough to tell my mother--her former MIL...

Originally Posted by teena

I may be naive, but I dont thing that most black women object to interacial love. I think what many black women object to is being disrespected when black men choose to date outside of the race.

Sadly, these same men do not think they are disrespecting Black women by their choices. Or rather, they plainly do not care. While I understand your point, I would like to add a clarification: It is NOT the disrespect of choices of who a Black man dates that a sistah has issues with; it is the further demonizing, denigration, beatdown, browbeating, belittling and outright discriminatory practices that Black men do against the Black woman--the same woman who bore Black men in her womb and exited her vaginal canal to enter this realm of the Earth that I have problem with...

Hayle, Black women could choose to abort Black male fetuses, because we decide to buy into the craziness that the stats are far against him? Albeit, it does not seem to be the case. With one full swoop, Sistahs can take out an entire Universe of Black men... That is a power very few recognize--like a 5%'er... Sometimes that thought is a revelation and sometimes it is a burden. Like Assata Shakur.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

The bubble is a non issue to me. Unfortunately these men graduate or leave college and bring that mentality to their jobs/careers furthering some of the institutionalized bigotry and racism in that "good ole boys club/network"...

How different is it when a young college teenaged Black male says generalizations like these versus late 20's/early 30's college educated Black male who says it that is likely pursue marriage/longterm relationship?

I tell you what, I would not want to seriously date, leading to a longterm relationship with someone thinking that mentality no matter what age he is..

I am responding to your comment about being able to find black women of a similar background. These men are using the campus as their pool of potentials. So, whether or not there are black women who share their experiences off campus isn't what they are considering in that context. And whether or not they don't connect with black women when they graduate is unpredictable. People relate to and date what they are exposed to and their campus is what they're exposed to right now. And I don't think those men (based on what Totally Wicked said) are saying that Latina women are necessarily better than black women beyond the similar background (which doesn't seem like such a compliment, really) thing.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I am responding to your comment about being able to find black women of a similar background. These men are using the campus as their pool of potentials. So, whether or not there are black women who share their experiences off campus isn't what they are considering in that context. And whether or not they don't connect with black women when they graduate is unpredictable. People relate to and date what they are exposed to and their campus is what they're exposed to right now. And I don't think those men (based on what Totally Wicked said) are saying that Latina women are necessarily better than black women beyond the similar background (which doesn't seem like such a compliment, really) thing.

Well I interpreted Totally Wicked's comment to state that Black men are saying they cannot find Black women with similar upbringing as theirs on a college campus that they can date. So, they date "other women" because that is similar to their upbringing as theirs. What I am saying that these men are full of shit, regardless to make a blanket statement. And if they start when their young and not be held accountable for their thoughts, then how will they be any different as they age?

Ignorance breed contempt... And is not always bliss--in fact it might get you killed. One less person contributing to the gene pool...

What is sad is it is justifies a Black man's choice to be anything other than he wants to date {insert ethnic group here}. I don't think anyone is saying here they have issues with personal choices. Hayle a man can date a goat for all I care, but to say that Black women stink worse than goats, well...

I agree, it is not much of a compliment, though... And it is said that these ladies are buying that bullcrap these kind of bruhs are "rappin'" to them... Like Reefer and Liquor...

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by TotallyWicked

this is an issue on campus as there are about as many Black women as there are Latinas. I think it is an unspoken one though, like neither is willing to say something but I have had some conversations with my Black female and Latina friends.

Many of the Black women I talk to cannot stand that Black men are dating Latinas when there are just as many Black women on campus. Many of what my friends have said is "they seem to be going with them for the same attributes they can get with us", mind you there are very little Black Latinas and the majority are white of Mestiza (Indigenous/White..which ultimately leads em to be darker skinned than European Latinas).

Now other Black women have been telling me, "I'm okay with it, I ultimately don't like Black men gettin with white women when there are women of color around him". I know the main thing that perturbs Black women when Black males date Latinas on campus is when Black men (not all) tell them that they have 'more in common because of upbringing' with Latinas than they do Black women, this could be a class issue as my school has been able to recruit more inner city urban Latinos but has gotten way more middle class Black students than Latinos.

It's a mouthful open to more questions but I'm all ears

So the black women are overwhelmingly middle class and the nonblack Latina women are overwhelmingly not middle class? It's an interesting contextual divide there. That's an example of how campuses are often bubbles where dynamics can be found that won't be found in the general population.

More power to them.

[TotallyWicked]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

So the black women are overwhelmingly middle class and the nonblack Latina women are overwhelmingly not middle class? It's an interesting contextual divide there. That's an example of how campuses are often bubbles where dynamics can be found that won't be found in the general population.

More power to them.

oh i know it's totally different outside campus, I live on the other side of the city where it's Black/Latino and it is entirely different where you see no interracial dating going on.

There are middle class Latinas on campus, but not as many as Black Middle Class women.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by TotallyWicked

oh i know it's totally different outside campus, I live on the other side of the city where it's Black/Latino and it is entirely different where you see no interracial dating going on.

There are middle class Latinas on campus, but not as many as Black Middle Class women.

Well, these women should be as class conscious as these black men are, anyway. So find a black man of a higher SES and move on.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

So the black women are overwhelmingly middle class and the nonblack Latina women are overwhelmingly not middle class? It's an interesting contextual divide there. That's an example of how campuses are often bubbles where dynamics can be found that won't be found in the general population.

More power to them.

That was pretty much the situation at college for me...unless they were from South America, or Cubans from Miami, the Latinas tended to be urban working-class, whereas the black women were majority middle to upper-middle class. But, my undergrad is not like most colleges!

----------

Back on topic, I will say that, as a black female, I don't understand why black women feel so disrespected about interracial romances. I just don't! There have been black guys that I was interested in, who started dating white women. Was it a reflection on me and what I lack? Hell no!

I thought it was a trite stereotype, but between reading this thread and the Harold Ford stuff on blacksocialite, it still comes as a suprise to me. I have an aunt who used to really bitch and moan about black men dating outside their race, until my cousin brought home a half-Asian woman...and then she got real sweet once grandkids started coming. She's a bitter lonely bitch anyway, so I figured it was just her. But no!

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Back on topic, I will say that, as a black female, I don't understand why black women feel so disrespected about interracial romances. I just don't! There have been black guys that I was interested in, who started dating white women. Was it a reflection on me and what I lack? Hell no!

I thought it was a trite stereotype, but between reading this thread and the Harold Ford stuff on blacksocialite, it still comes as a suprise to me. I have an aunt who used to really bitch and moan about black men dating outside their race, until my cousin brought home a half-Asian woman...and then she got real sweet once grandkids started coming. She's a bitter lonely bitch anyway, so I figured it was just her. But no!

How did you get to that point in your thinking? Has it always been that way for you? Just asking? Because, maybe you can help a Sistah out...

[neosoul]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

How did you get to that point in your thinking? Has it always been that way for you? Just asking? Because, maybe you can help a Sistah out...

even though your question wasn't directed me, I somewhat agree with Munchkin03. I'm Nigerian and I went to high school in two African countries where more than 25% of the school's population were what we affectionately called .5 or half caste, kids of mixed heritage, African and some other Eurocentric nationality. So growing up in the 90s seeing all these multicoloured faces was nothing of a big deal to me.

I really couldn't care less if black men want or choose to date exclusively non black women, it just means one less person I can cross of my list. I take happiness where I can find it, be it the arms of my Bacardi Watermelon, or the arms of a non black man/woman/tranny/shim/it.

Just like there are men who date exclusively non black for *hitty reason, there are women who do the exact same, date non black for *hitty reasons, and when you sit down and listen to thier logic, its scary, its almost like they're brainwashed or have had a one bad experience and are tainting everyone with the same brush.

[starang21]

Originally Posted by neosoul

woman/tranny/shim/it.

ummm.....

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by neosoul

I really couldn't care less if black men want or choose to date exclusively non black women, it just means one less person I can cross of my list. I take happiness where I can find it, be it the arms of my Bacardi Watermelon, or the arms of a non black man/woman/tranny/shim/it.

Just like there are men who date exclusively non black for *hitty reason, there are women who do the exact same, date non black for *hitty reasons, and when you sit down and listen to thier logic, its scary, its almost like they're brainwashed or have had a one bad experience and are tainting everyone with the same brush.

My friend would always say, "that it is just one less person to think about a Christmastime..."

I understand what you are saying. I am just not "there" yet. I need prayer...

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I grew up in a highly multicultural environment (before it was cool!), near a military base, where you have all sorts of people, from Filipina GI brides to Indian aerospace engineers, mingling. Even though it's a highly conservative area of the country, interracial relationships were commonplace.

Part of it is also the fact that I have dated people of all backgrounds. So, how can I attack someone, when I do the same thing?

Finally, I was raised not to project a man's opinion of me onto how I live my life. So what if a man doesn't dig black women? No reflection on this one, because for each one that doesn't, I've found 10 more who do!

It is not that I am not open to various kinds of relationships, folks will do what they want to do. But, I really take issue with our group basically stating their reasons why they choose to avoid women of their similar group...

The other issue is many kids resulting from the liaisons suffer some form of self esteem issues. I am already seeing it in my little 3 year old nephew. He knows something is wrong, but he does not understand it in his little mind. How can I buttress that up so that when he gets older he is not displaying risky behaviors? Yes, his parents should KNOW this, but they are inundated with work or whatever other issues that I cannot go into in here.

Originally Posted by starang21

ummm.....

Starang--don't hate, participate!!!