I Don't Date Outside of My Race...

[violetpretty]

Do Black women get upset when a Black man dates a Latina (or non-White or non-Black) woman? If a White man is dating a White woman (or a woman of any other race but Black), why does no one question why he does not date Black women and take offense to it?

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

Do Black women get upset when a Black man dates a Latina (or non-White or non-Black) woman? If a White man is dating a White woman (or a woman of any other race but Black), why does no one question why he does not date Black women and take offense to it?

@bolded: They do and do take offense to it. However, nowadays, I don't see the dividing line being polar opposites than black or white. There are just gradations. However I do see an all out attack on the image and persona of Black women by the media, but that has been going on for many years.

For example: Michelle Obama... What kinds of images does it evoke or conjure up in regards to her, without references to her comments?

As far as upset with Brothers dating other races. I don't think the ACT of doing it is what pisses Sistahs off. It is the brazenness of the attitude towards dating that pisses us off. Many bruhs have all kind of creative lines they run past women, generally. SOME bruhs use ethnic group specific attributes as standards of beauty blatantly in front of several sistahs or put down sistahs ethnic group specific attributes to state why they are ugly...

I got told by one bruh that my hair was too long and nappy and that I needed to get a relaxer for him to speak to me... He stated it publicly to belittle me. And I was not even thinking about him or attracted to him!!! So, why did he go there? That was close to 20 years ago and it still hurts. Because, I am no where near the kind of description he described.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

Do Black women get upset when a Black man dates a Latina (or non-White or non-Black) woman?

Some black women do because ONCE AGAIN it's a case of "anything but black." Black women as a group have always been told our beauty is not the standard and that white women were more beautiful and more pure. That also fuels the fire of intragroup prejudice based on skin complexion and hair texture. So when Latina women are now some type of standard, and used as "anything but black," that is symbolic of more than just an individual-level dating preference.

Black women don't want every black man and we don't want to control who people date, in general. What we DO want is for our beauty and attributes to not be objectified and downplayed, only to be mimicked by others or celebrated as if the wheel has just been invented. When J Lo was such a big deal, for example, a lot of black women thought "okay...she's ALWAYS been pretty but her butt is something that many black women have everyday."

Originally Posted by violetpretty

If a White man is dating a White woman (or a woman of any other race but Black), why does no one question why he does not date Black women and take offense to it?

Oh white men do date black women and there's even a dating site for it. But white men overwhelmingly date and marry Asian women when they are involved in interracial unions.

Other than that, black women generally don't care about white men and their dating preferences.

[blakiceanjel]

I talked to a white guy one time... and he was really nice, but there was some level we weren't connecting on. Anyway I stopped talking to him and he went crazy and kinda started stalking me... Creepy..

I don't really have a problem with interracial dating. I only have a problem with exclusive interracial dating. Like when someone refuses to date someone of their race. I went to HS with three brothas (blood related to each other and black) that didn't date black girls. The youngest one explained it was because white girls were easier to handle. I told him he was weak and ignorant. It really pissed me off because I'd had a crush on him before then

I'm and Army brat, so that gives me a slightly special upbringing. Everything is very integrated. My little sister is the best example. She is completely color-blind and I think it's great. My dad eventually got over it and said as long as a man treats us right it doesn't matter if he's green.

Honestly there are black people that date black people and still don't know anything about their culture. I don't think dating outside of your race would stop you from learning about your people. In this country, none of us are pure anything anyway. There are some cultural differences between races, but isn't it a good idea to learn as much as we can?

*getting off the soap box now*

[MsFoxyLoxy77]

I've been talking about this issue with my younger brother lately. He's an Airman First Class in the US Airforce and his job entails that he's on flight crew. Here is a little background on the the Airforce (according to my brother). Of all the US Airforce roles/jobs only 1% of Airforce military personnel works directly in flight (ie, pilots, co-polits, flight personnel/crew). Of that 1% only 1% are African-American. So when my brothers hanging w/his co-workers Betty & Sue (excuse the generic names) are all up in his grill. I know this, not only because he told me so, BUT because of two instances:

1. He visited for the holidays last year & his phone rings. I was closer to it so he told me to answer it before it hung up. I answered it & some fresh thing answers the phone and says, "Do you want to F@@k" I said what? She replied, "This is [____ ] & I got a text message saying so & so wanted to f@@K." (This dummy had to realize by now she was talking to a woman) I replied, "Well this is not so & sos #" I handed my bro. the phone & he put her on speaker phone (because he knew from my facial expressions, this wasn't the average phone call) & kindly explained to this girl (mind you this was before noon that day) that she had the wrong #. Do you know she replied, "Oh...well I still wanna f**k." He hung up the phone (because it was obvious nothing was getting through to her)...then called one of his Airforce friends and went smack off. It turns out he knew the guy the girl was asking for & he told homeboy to keep his "girls" in check. My brother told me the friend said, "Man she thought you was cute. I was just trying to hook you up." He replied NO THANKS and told his "friend" his sister had answered the phone & that he had better taste than that and he should too.

2. I went to his myspace (I'm not into myspace so this was my first time seeing his page) earlier this year. There was a photo of him w/one non Black girl on either side of him (two in total) dressed in vintage flight attendant uniforms while he was in his actual flight uniform, & his arms were spread over both their shoulders. The picture read, "I'm so fly I have my own flight attendants." I called him asap asking WTF he was doing taking any pictures with women esp. non-Black women as props. He replied it was harmless & those girls were there (in Afghanistan) to take pictures w/all servicemen who were done for that tour & and headed back to the US.
I guess these girls were eye candy? This is an example of what people have been saying about society idealizing European/anything but Black beauty. Why weren't there any Black women greeters?

Bottom line he knows what time it is...my brother is a catch and no matter how much I love him I will not accept anyone for him unless they are of African descent. Flash forward today. He has a live in girlfriend (she's Black) and he told me the girl was nervous about meeting the fam for the holidays (I have some crazy aunts). He told her, "Don't worry. I'll just tell everyone you're really white and I was ashamed to admit it. When I introduce you everybody will be so relieved they'll love you!" I couldn't help but laugh...

[blakiceanjel]

^^^
That is GREAT!! rotfl!!

[TotallyWicked]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

Some black women do because ONCE AGAIN it's a case of "anything but black." Black women as a group have always been told our beauty is not the standard and that white women were more beautiful and more pure. That also fuels the fire of intragroup prejudice based on skin complexion and hair texture. So when Latina women are now some type of standard, and used as "anything but black," that is symbolic of more than just an individual-level dating preference.

Black women don't want every black man and we don't want to control who people date, in general. What we DO want is for our beauty and attributes to not be objectified and downplayed, only to be mimicked by others or celebrated as if the wheel has just been invented. When J Lo was such a big deal, for example, a lot of black women thought "okay...she's ALWAYS been pretty but her butt is something that many black women have everyday."

this is an issue on campus as there are about as many Black women as there are Latinas. I think it is an unspoken one though, like neither is willing to say something but I have had some conversations with my Black female and Latina friends.

Many of the Black women I talk to cannot stand that Black men are dating Latinas when there are just as many Black women on campus. Many of what my friends have said is "they seem to be going with them for the same attributes they can get with us", mind you there are very little Black Latinas and the majority are white of Mestiza (Indigenous/White..which ultimately leads em to be darker skinned than European Latinas).

Now other Black women have been telling me, "I'm okay with it, I ultimately don't like Black men gettin with white women when there are women of color around him". I know the main thing that perturbs Black women when Black males date Latinas on campus is when Black men (not all) tell them that they have 'more in common because of upbringing' with Latinas than they do Black women, this could be a class issue as my school has been able to recruit more inner city urban Latinos but has gotten way more middle class Black students than Latinos.

It's a mouthful open to more questions but I'm all ears

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by TotallyWicked

this is an issue on campus as there are about as many Black women as there are Latinas. I think it is an unspoken one though, like neither is willing to say something but I have had some conversations with my Black female and Latina friends.

Many of the Black women I talk to cannot stand that Black men are dating Latinas when there are just as many Black women on campus. Many of what my friends have said is "they seem to be going with them for the same attributes they can get with us", mind you there are very little Black Latinas and the majority are white of Mestiza (Indigenous/White..which ultimately leads em to be darker skinned than European Latinas).

Now other Black women have been telling me, "I'm okay with it, I ultimately don't like Black men gettin with white women when there are women of color around him". I know the main thing that perturbs Black women when Black males date Latinas on campus is when Black men (not all) tell them that they have 'more in common because of upbringing' with Latinas than they do Black women, this could be a class issue as my school has been able to recruit more inner city urban Latinos but has gotten way more middle class Black students than Latinos.

It's a mouthful open to more questions but I'm all ears

I really do not understand what you are saying.

I have dated NUMEROUS Latino gentlemen before I was married. It just was because those were the gentlemen that asked me out for a date.

And those Black men who say that [Insert your ethnic group here] is "more common because of their upbringing" are full of chit... There are just as many or possibly more Black women of similar or better upbringing than these men purport. These Black men generalizing Black women in that way is demeaning and belittling--and moreso toward ALL WOMEN!!! And I am wondering how women from varying ethnic groups would see anything possible in these dumbassed men?

I mean, am I missing something? Some these men are assholes! They don't deserve even the fake European trannie punanny!

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

And those Black men who say that [Insert your ethnic group here] is "more common because of their upbringing" are full of chit... There are just as many or possibly more Black women of similar or better upbringing than these men purport. These Black men generalizing Black women in that way is demeaning and belittling--and moreso toward ALL WOMEN!!!

These are people on a college campus. They are judging based on that campus bubble. I doubt those collegiates have a grasp of the totality of the matter.

[teena]

I admit, way back, I used to take issue with black men who dated non black women. My life experience has made me much more tolerant for a number of reasons. But the one I like the most is that 99.9999999 times out of 100, a black man who denigrates black women, he has a gang of head issues and I dont want to be bothered with him anyway.

I may be naive, but I dont thing that most black women object to interacial love. I think what many black women object to is being disrespected when black men choose to date outside of the race.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

These are people on a college campus. They are judging based on that campus bubble. I doubt those collegiates have a grasp of the totality of the matter.

The bubble is a non issue to me. Unfortunately these men graduate or leave college and bring that mentality to their jobs/careers furthering some of the institutionalized bigotry and racism in that "good ole boys club/network"...

How different is it when a young college teenaged Black male says generalizations like these versus late 20's/early 30's college educated Black male who says it that is likely pursue marriage/longterm relationship?

I tell you what, I would not want to seriously date, leading to a longterm relationship with someone thinking that mentality no matter what age he is...

Originally Posted by teena

But the one I like the most is that 99.9999999 times out of 100, a black man who denigrates black women, he has a gang of head issues and I dont want to be bothered with him anyway.

Now that is what I am saying. The brotherman who has decided to date seriously my EX-sister in law said some crap like this to my Ex-SIL... I think she was taken aback with his comment enough to tell my mother--her former MIL...

Originally Posted by teena

I may be naive, but I dont thing that most black women object to interacial love. I think what many black women object to is being disrespected when black men choose to date outside of the race.

Sadly, these same men do not think they are disrespecting Black women by their choices. Or rather, they plainly do not care. While I understand your point, I would like to add a clarification: It is NOT the disrespect of choices of who a Black man dates that a sistah has issues with; it is the further demonizing, denigration, beatdown, browbeating, belittling and outright discriminatory practices that Black men do against the Black woman--the same woman who bore Black men in her womb and exited her vaginal canal to enter this realm of the Earth that I have problem with...

Hayle, Black women could choose to abort Black male fetuses, because we decide to buy into the craziness that the stats are far against him? Albeit, it does not seem to be the case. With one full swoop, Sistahs can take out an entire Universe of Black men... That is a power very few recognize--like a 5%'er... Sometimes that thought is a revelation and sometimes it is a burden. Like Assata Shakur.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by TotallyWicked

this is an issue on campus as there are about as many Black women as there are Latinas. I think it is an unspoken one though, like neither is willing to say something but I have had some conversations with my Black female and Latina friends.

Many of the Black women I talk to cannot stand that Black men are dating Latinas when there are just as many Black women on campus. Many of what my friends have said is "they seem to be going with them for the same attributes they can get with us", mind you there are very little Black Latinas and the majority are white of Mestiza (Indigenous/White..which ultimately leads em to be darker skinned than European Latinas).

Now other Black women have been telling me, "I'm okay with it, I ultimately don't like Black men gettin with white women when there are women of color around him". I know the main thing that perturbs Black women when Black males date Latinas on campus is when Black men (not all) tell them that they have 'more in common because of upbringing' with Latinas than they do Black women, this could be a class issue as my school has been able to recruit more inner city urban Latinos but has gotten way more middle class Black students than Latinos.

It's a mouthful open to more questions but I'm all ears

So the black women are overwhelmingly middle class and the nonblack Latina women are overwhelmingly not middle class? It's an interesting contextual divide there. That's an example of how campuses are often bubbles where dynamics can be found that won't be found in the general population.

More power to them.

[TotallyWicked]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

So the black women are overwhelmingly middle class and the nonblack Latina women are overwhelmingly not middle class? It's an interesting contextual divide there. That's an example of how campuses are often bubbles where dynamics can be found that won't be found in the general population.

More power to them.

oh i know it's totally different outside campus, I live on the other side of the city where it's Black/Latino and it is entirely different where you see no interracial dating going on.

There are middle class Latinas on campus, but not as many as Black Middle Class women.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by TotallyWicked

oh i know it's totally different outside campus, I live on the other side of the city where it's Black/Latino and it is entirely different where you see no interracial dating going on.

There are middle class Latinas on campus, but not as many as Black Middle Class women.

Well, these women should be as class conscious as these black men are, anyway. So find a black man of a higher SES and move on.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

So the black women are overwhelmingly middle class and the nonblack Latina women are overwhelmingly not middle class? It's an interesting contextual divide there. That's an example of how campuses are often bubbles where dynamics can be found that won't be found in the general population.

More power to them.

That was pretty much the situation at college for me...unless they were from South America, or Cubans from Miami, the Latinas tended to be urban working-class, whereas the black women were majority middle to upper-middle class. But, my undergrad is not like most colleges!

----------

Back on topic, I will say that, as a black female, I don't understand why black women feel so disrespected about interracial romances. I just don't! There have been black guys that I was interested in, who started dating white women. Was it a reflection on me and what I lack? Hell no!

I thought it was a trite stereotype, but between reading this thread and the Harold Ford stuff on blacksocialite, it still comes as a suprise to me. I have an aunt who used to really bitch and moan about black men dating outside their race, until my cousin brought home a half-Asian woman...and then she got real sweet once grandkids started coming. She's a bitter lonely bitch anyway, so I figured it was just her. But no!