I need serious advice on my relationship

KSUViolet06 · #1 03-22-2008, 02:38 PM

We had a big thread about living together before marriage. Maybe you should check it out.

http://greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=92128

I personally wouldn't move in with him. I think it's best for couples to have their own spaces to live. He also already lives with someone, and that could lead to an "odd man out" situation where the 3rd guy feels pushed aside or resents you for moving in on their space.

Also, this guy seems nice now. But what happens if you move in and the 2 of you don't get along? That puts your bf in a bad spot.

PinkRose1098 · #2 03-22-2008, 02:45 PM

Moving in with your boyfriend might be ok. But moving in with boyfriend and roommate is a deal breaker for me. Could you handle living with two guys and all their habits, cleanliness issues, etc? Do you know the roommate and if so, how well do the two of you get along?

laylo · #3 03-22-2008, 03:45 PM

Premarital cohabitation is statistically bad for couples who eventually get married. It seems particularly burdensome for women, and adding another man into the mix would probably increase that burden. In my opinon you should stay seperate unless and until you decide to get married. Financial constraint is never a reason to move in with your boyfriend- you can always get roomates.

christiangirl · #4 03-23-2008, 04:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

Personally, I don't think cohabitation is a good idea. Do you absolutely need to save money or do you absolutely need to test the milk before you buy the cow? If you two are just saving on living expenses, that's a financial arrangement that can quickly turn into a disaster of a relationship/platonic roommate situation.

I totally agree. The finances alone could ruin it for you. What if something happens with one of your financial sitches and rent ends up being shaky for a month? Two months? Think of the fights that could cause. What if you two get into a fight? That could put the other guy in an uncomfortable sitch and he'll be forced to choose sides and we all know he won't choose you. He could be uncomfortable period--you and your bf have been together for a long time. This would be a good test of what it would be like for the two of you to see what marriage would be like...learning to work together and deal with each other's habits. But throwing another guy into the mix takes all that away and complicates everything. I, personally, wouldn't do it, but I wish you best on what you decide.

WhiteDaisy128 · #5 03-23-2008, 09:10 AM

When my mom died, I practically moved in with my boyfriend (now husband). He lived in a 4 bedroom/4 bathroom condo with three other boys. I still had "my apartment," but I moved a lot of my stuff there and stayed with him (if I was alone I was crying all the time). It actually worked out well. I always had my apartment to go to if I needed to, but we really had not problem sharing a room and having roommates. It's not like you walk around naked or cuddle up on the couch with others around.

Now, that being said, Chris moved to Maryland for the last year and a half of our dating relationship. He moved in with one roommate. It was VERY difficult to visit him and stay with the roommate and him. Much harder than it was in college with 3 roommates.

If you know your relationship has clear future, you should take the next mature step and either get engaged/married or find a place by yourselves.

I never did officially live with Chris until we were married, but we pretty much know I lived with him in the last part of college and through his grad school.

#6 03-23-2008, 12:50 PM

I saw this happen once. A friend of my fiance's lived with 5 of her best guyfriends. She got into a whirl-wind romance and got married after 3 months (they're now happily married). Anyway, they get married and her new hubby's lease ended and he ended up moving into the house with her and her 5 roommates. Though it seemed okay for awhile (new hubby fit in perfectly with her friends), the other 5 guys started to feel like the couple was isolating themselves from the rest of the roommates. Flashforward to a week ago and the newlyweds have a party at their new house (they moved out when the lease was done). NONE of her old roommates came when they all said the would! We asked the newlyweds the last time they hung out with said group and they said it was right before they moved out!

Point: you might accidentally come in between a friendship if you move in with him and his friend. I don't assume that would be your intention, but it could happen. I suggest waiting until both of your leases are up to move in together.

AOII_LB93 · #7 06-07-2008, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by laylo

Financial constraint is never a reason to move in with your boyfriend- you can always get roomates.

I just wanted to reiterate this point, over and over. My husband and I lived together for a long time (4.5 years) before we got married...that was dumb. We should have waited, because originally we did it because of the financial aspect. It put a lot of undue stress on the relationship.