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I've been seeing a therapist as part of the whole transplant experience. They believe I may have DEVELOPED HYPOMANIA as a result of inactivity. Basically I have sooo much free time on my hand that I spend alot of time analyzing myself and when you think too much about your life, actions, inactions, what you have, what you don't have, who wants you, who doesn't want you, it can be bad on your self-esteem and ambitious or it can make you feel too ambitious.
Like I live at home, because I shouldn't be alone in case anything happens. I have no friends in a two hour distance, I am single (yes people PREACH that people don't need significant other, but it's different when you CAN'T have one because of issues - like not ever being able to have more children, not being where there are people to meet, being the background person, etc and that takes a blow to your confidence also). I've never been prone to depression because I believe that life is what you make of it and that all things turn out in God's fashion. But, these issues I have all rolled together put me in a place of panic.
I am glad I have been able to deal with it. Cause I used to joke to my best friend that I REALLY thought I was losing my mind, cause I was HAPPY but I'd be so despondent about the HAPPINESS that it felt wrong. If that makes any sense.
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