Favorite SNL Quotes - Page 2

NutBrnHair · #16 01-04-2008, 11:06 AM

Matt Foley: You kids are probably saying to yourself, "Now, I'm gonna go out, and I'm gonna get the world by the tail and wrap it around pull it down and put it in my pocket!" Well, I'm here to tell you that you're probably gonna find out, as you go out there, that you're not gonna amount to JACK SQUAT!" You're gonna end up eating a steady diet of government cheese and living in a van down by the river!

Benzgirl · #17 01-04-2008, 11:08 AM

I'm an old timer..."It's Always Something!".

AlphaFrog · #18 01-04-2008, 11:12 AM

This one is just for my GC Big Brother.

NutBrnHair · #19 01-04-2008, 11:16 AM

"Who's that Spartan in my tee-pee?" "It's me, it's me!"

AlethiaSi · #20 01-04-2008, 12:04 PM

"LAY OFF I'M STARVING!!!!! "
I'll just eat a sugar packet or two
That skit at the mall where they work at the gap with Chris Farley, David Spade and Adam Sandler is one of my absolute faves!

Nutbrnhair- DEF the one with Matt Foley

The Santa Claus one where the parents don't understand why santa didn't bring the presents

All of the Jeopardy skits

Another fave is 2 aholes and a travel agent with Matt Dillon "I wanna go to Europe, I wanna drive there" Ma'am, its on another continent, you cannot drive there. "you can if you drive a BOAT"

I have a ton of faves, I"m an snl freak so i'll post more later

Senusret I · #21 01-04-2008, 12:08 PM

I like the two a-holes when they go to the adoption agency and point to a picture of Scooter (or Skeeter?) and say "I want that one."

honeychile · #22 01-04-2008, 12:17 PM

The Jeopardy! skits are the best!

Emily Litella: "Never mind." ("What is all this fuss I hear about the Supreme Court decision on a "deaf" penalty? It's terrible! Deaf people have enough problems as it is!")

The Dan Ackroyd as Julia Child skit, when she ends up bleeding all over everything.

The Olympia Cafe (alledgedly Chicago's Billy Goat Tavern): "Cheezborger, Cheezborger, Cheep, Cheep, Pepsi, Pepsi"

LeslieAGD · #23 01-04-2008, 12:29 PM

I thought of another sketch I really love. Darrell Hammond as President Clinton:
"I can do this (bites lip). I can do this (gives thumbs up). I can do this while I do this (bites lip and gives thumbs up at the same time)."

ISUKappa · #24 01-04-2008, 12:52 PM

Versace Pockets where Matt Damon is Axle Rose and sings "You're in the microwave baby! You're gonna get eaten!" while running around all crazy-like.

That never fails to crack the husband and me up.

Benzgirl · #25 01-04-2008, 01:26 PM

John Belushi as Samuri Deli
http://www.jibjab.com/view/98045

ree-Xi · #26 01-04-2008, 02:17 PM

OMG you have all stolen some of my faves.

Favorite sketches:

1. Dana Carvey - Massive Headwound Harry

2. Alec Baldwin, Ana Gasteyer, Molly Shannon - Schweaty Balls
"My mouth's watering just think about those balls."
"It's been years since I've seen any balls"
"Would you like to see my balls now"
"You have some beautiful balls"
"They're bigger than I expected"
"That's why I make sure that each of my balls gets plenty of oil"

"No one can resist my Schweaty Balls"

3. Rachel Dretch as Debbie Downer at Disneyland (feat. Lindsey Lohan)

4. Gay Sclitz Beer commercial - Adam Sandler, Chris Farley

5. Mary Katherine Gallagher - Molly Shannon - with guest star Gwenyth Paltrow
"Well, my feelings would be best expressed in a monologue, from the made-for-TV movie "Long Island Lolita: The Amy Fisher Story". And in this monologue, I will be playing the victimized, yet resilient, Mary Jo Buttafuaco. [ poises herself ] "You think that I'm afraid of you, little Amy Fisher? Is that what you think? Huh? Huh? You think I'm just like a little housewife or something, is that what you think? Huh? Huh? Well, you take a good, long look, 'cause you just stepped into Hell, baby! I dare you to step onto this porch again, because if you do, I'll kick your little slutty ass across this town, youwhore! Go ahead, shoot me in the head again, I dare you! I dare you! 'Cause if I spot your fat little pink face on my property again, I swear to God I'll take my two bare hands and I'll kill ya'! I'll kill ya'! I'll kill ya'! I'll kill ya'!

6. Tim Meadows as The Ladies Man

Leon Phelps: Hello? Alright, then, I'm going to take a sip off this Courvoisier, 'cause it's getting chilly in here. [ sips Courvoisier ] Alright, then, next caller, go ahead. This is The Ladies Man.

Caller #3: Hello, Ladies Man.

Leon Phelps: Hey, it's a lady! How you feeling tonight, lady?

Caller #3: Well, not so good. I'm having some problems with my self-esteem

Leon Phelps: Your self-esteem. Yeah. Now, what is that?

Caller #3: Well.. I don't feel good about myself.

Leon Phelps: Oh no, now, that's not good. Uh, why do you feel that way?

Caller #3: Well, I have a bit of a weight problem, and it's hard, you know, to meet guys.

Leon Phelps: Yeah, yeah, well, The Ladies Man is here to help you. Um.. so tell me, uh, how fat are you?

Caller #3: I'm like, 210.

Leon Phelps: Now, that is big. Um, I was not expecting you to say anything over 200 pounds. Uh, I was basically expecting, like, 130, 135.. yeah, you are a big woman. Um, my advice to you is to, uh, avoid any type of food product that your neighborhood supermarket might try to sell you. [tips glass] But here's to you, Fat Lady. The Ladies Man loves you, but not in any type of sexual, or love-type way. [laughing] I see my stage manager Martell finds the plight of that last call amusing.