I hate my boyfriend's fraternity

gem_star17 · #1 10-29-2007, 12:27 PM

you all have good points and have made me consider options that i didnt even know were possible ( like disagreeing with is brothers). i guess i just didnt know how much he could do for me and i just wondered if a lot of fraternities were this possessive with their members. now, we only see each other once every 2 weeks (because everytime i see him i think of his brothers) yet his brothers STILL insist on tagging along and accusse me of being selfish when i say no. after awhile, it made me worry i was really hurting their fraternity. despite what it may seem, thats the last thing i want to do.

"If it's been this way for years... I really don't understand why you've stuck around for so long." we're about to graduate and he keeps assuring me things will be different once we graduate. i remember how great things were before he joined so i want to believe him.

33girl · #2 10-29-2007, 12:34 PM

If you don't like being at the house (but you do seem to like the guys in ANOTHER fraternity) and want all of your time with him to be "alone time", obviously his brothers aren't going to like you very much. Even if you're not confrontational, which it sounds like you are.

They're a big part of his life, and you need to accept that or end the relationship. After 3 years you should have found a way to work around this that's mutually OK for both of you. If you can't, you probably should end the relationship.

DSTCHAOS · #3 10-29-2007, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gem_star17

you all have good points and have made me consider options that i didnt even know were possible ( like disagreeing with is brothers). i guess i just didnt know how much he could do for me and i just wondered if a lot of fraternities were this possessive with their members. now, we only see each other once every 2 weeks (because everytime i see him i think of his brothers) yet his brothers STILL insist on tagging along and accusse me of being selfish when i say no. after awhile, it made me worry i was really hurting their fraternity. despite what it may seem, thats the last thing i want to do.

"If it's been this way for years... I really don't understand why you've stuck around for so long." we're about to graduate and he keeps assuring me things will be different once we graduate. i remember how great things were before he joined so i want to believe him.

It's a waste. Dump him and move on to an adult relationship. Never take promises of good things to come when a man has yet to give you more good than bad.

When you graduate from college, you'll see how ridiculous this all really was. You may also find that he's generally a coward who makes excuses and that his fraternity brothers were just one of many things that pull him away from you.

ZTAngel · #4 10-29-2007, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gem_star17

you all have good points and have made me consider options that i didnt even know were possible ( like disagreeing with is brothers). i guess i just didnt know how much he could do for me and i just wondered if a lot of fraternities were this possessive with their members. now, we only see each other once every 2 weeks (because everytime i see him i think of his brothers) yet his brothers STILL insist on tagging along and accusse me of being selfish when i say no. after awhile, it made me worry i was really hurting their fraternity. despite what it may seem, thats the last thing i want to do.

"If it's been this way for years... I really don't understand why you've stuck around for so long." we're about to graduate and he keeps assuring me things will be different once we graduate. i remember how great things were before he joined so i want to believe him.

Say what? You only see him once every 2 weeks? That's crazy. I don't understand why he lets his brothers essentially control his relationship. I hate to break it to you but things won't be different after you graduate. He sounds like the type of guy who is easily manipulated by people. This is a guy who won't even stick up for his girlfriend of 3 years! There will be some other factor in his life controlling him in the future - his boss, his job, etc. Are you prepared to deal with that forever? If not, break up with him.

REE1993 · #5 10-29-2007, 02:21 PM

Maybe they're just not that into you. Or he isn't, either.

There is obviously a balance to be held. That being said, they are probably taking HIS cues. If he seems unhappy/not satisfied/aggravated, they are going to treat you the way that THEY SEE HIM acting in your absence.

I could be wrong. If I am, then he's a wuss for not standing up to them. A real man will be able to balance the various parts of his life. If this one can't, move on. If he's "the one", he wouldn't be treating you this way.

Assuming you aren't being unreasonable with your requests/demands/etc., (you may not realize how YOU act when in their presence or how you sound when you talk about them). Remember, he loves his brothers (too??).

Lastly, if there is "simply" a hate/hate relationship between the fraternity and you, then you might have to accept it. I was fortunate in that my (now ex)bf's fraternity loved me, and vice versa. I was friends with them before my ex became a pledge/my bf/brother/officer, so that might have made a difference.

Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

Kevin · #6 10-29-2007, 02:48 PM

You wouldn't be with a person for 3 years unless you figured they were a potential candidate for a mate. That said, if the guy doesn't stand up for you now, what does that say about your prospects 10 years from now?