Need Advice

Senusret I · #1 08-25-2007, 10:49 AM

Maybe your daughter really is acting different now that she's in a sorority and the roommate just needs some space and time. You're not in the room with her so you couldn't possibly know the whole story.

flower3 · #2 08-25-2007, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Senusret I

Maybe your daughter really is acting different now that she's in a sorority and the roommate just needs some space and time. You're not in the room with her so you couldn't possibly know the whole story.

You may be right. I am not there in the room with my D, nor do I want to be. I have had my college experience and this is hers. I can only go on what she tells me. She really wants this to work because she and her roomie have been really close for the last few years. Maybe it was not the best idea for them to room together. I don't know. I just want them both to be happy no matter what the outcome.

AlethiaSi · #3 08-25-2007, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flower3

You may be right. I am not there in the room with my D, nor do I want to be. I have had my college experience and this is hers. I can only go on what she tells me. She really wants this to work because she and her roomie have been really close for the last few years. Maybe it was not the best idea for them to room together. I don't know. I just want them both to be happy no matter what the outcome.

I know that with my friends, we weren't necessarily as close as before I pledged, but they were also very involved in their org as well (which is a different situation, i know) We also made an effort to get together for dinner, lunch, breakfast like 3/4 times a week and go to a party on the weekends together. Once I moved into the house, we really didn't see each other, but we're still good friends... I hope that doesn't happen with your daughter and so I would definitely go with what everyone else said, join a mutual group to be involved in and also make her friend understand that she's not leaving her.

Scandia · #4 08-25-2007, 12:09 PM

A lot of my relatives, friends, and colleagues have quite an aversion to GLOs. However, if she learned more about what being in a GLO truly entails (and not the negative stereotypes), it would make a huge difference. I think that treating the GLO as another club you belong to can help- not as a prize for being popular and pretty or anything like that.

flower3 · #5 08-25-2007, 12:22 PM

As a mom I will stay supportive but let them work it out themselves. I am sure things will get better as the year goes on and they get more involved with academics and joining other organizations. But as a mom I hate to see either one of them unhappy or having problems so soon. I might be making a bigger deal of this than the situation calls for. I sure hate getting those late night calls though from a distressed child. Only time will tell. Thanks to all.

Faith4Keep · #6 08-25-2007, 02:05 PM

My sophomore year of college I had a roommate that I became best friends with. She is an absolutely amazing person, and we share the kind of friendship that you hope to meet in college. I was so happy to meet her and become friends!! We decided to live together again junior year, and that's when I decided to do rush. I joined a sorority on campus and, especially after initiation, was really excited about it.

I had a hard time coming home from socials, sisterhood events, chapter meetings, etc. and telling my roommate about them. I don't think she was jealous... I think she just didn't understand why all of a sudden- my 3rd year in college- I decided that going to these things and being a part of a sorority was important to me. We remained close, but every so often she would make remarks like "Wow, that sounds like something that I would never do" or "I don't know how you do that sorority thing"... even though I would remind her that I loved my sorority.

In the end I grew a little sad that once I left my sorority events that Theta time was over and now it was back to my 'other' life. Many of my sisters lived together and they came and left events as groups... something I felt like I was missing out on. Plus, I didn't really appreciate her comments about my involvement, no matter how few and far between they were. So I decided to move in with some sisters. I miss my old roommate a lot... we are very close as friends and roommates. But I like that I have someone at home to talk to about Theta, Greek Life, and allllll the drama.

My old roommate and I have worked really hard at staying friends. We try to get together as often as possible for a meal and tomorrow we are going to a local waterpark together! Even though she may not understand greek life, it doesn't mean that we can't be friends!

adpiucf · #7 08-25-2007, 03:14 PM

The roommate may be insecure about your daughter's new group of friends, but I think it's best that people have interests outside of one another when they room together.

As long as the roommates keep their room tidy and make an effort to share roommate time together doing something together (meals, going to a campus event, shopping, etc.), keeping the room tidy and respecting one another's personal space, they should be fine.

The girls will work it out. Living with someone, whether a random roommate or a best friend, is always an adjustment.

teeroze · #8 08-25-2007, 05:57 PM

I tell my daughters, if you look for perfect people for friends, you will have none.

I'm Assuming they were good friends before rooming together. If this is the case, then encouraging your daughter to bail on her friend at this point is, in my opinion, sending the wrong message. There is probably an underlying reason why her friend is acting this way, and it should pass, once they adjust and continue to do things together.

I had a daughter in a similar (reverse) situation relative to sorority stuff. Though it was tough, her roomie stuck by her. Today, they are the best of friends. My daughter knows her old roomie is a friend that will be there even when she's not perfect. It works in reverse too, because at other times, my daughter has stood by her old roomie when she's not acting so perfect. That's what friendship is about.

AGDee · #9 08-25-2007, 10:48 PM

I'm guessing that the roommate's issue is fear and that, as she meets new friends of her own, things will be ok. There's sort of a safety net when you go away to school and room with a high school friend because you figure that the two of you will figure out this new (and scary) situation together. She is now feeling scared that your daughter has other people to learn the campus with and she is all alone. It's not rational so rational talking won't fix it. As she feels more at ease in this brand new situation, it will be ok.

flower3 · #10 08-27-2007, 11:08 AM

Just talked to D. She said things are about the same-no better, no worse. She says she will continue to try and get roomie to talk to her about her feelings and get the air cleared between them. She says not much else she can do at this point. I just encouraged her to keep the lines of communication open and let roomie how important their friendship is the her.