Need Advice
 

My D just pledged at UGA. Had a wonderful Rush and was very blessed to pledge her first choice-Pi Phi. Problem: Roomate is not Greek. They have been friends for a long time and now roomate has begun to give my D problems about being in a sorority. She has tried talking things out with her several times. She does not want to lose her as a friend but loves her new friends that she as already made throught the sorority. She has included roomate in every way possible, has gone out of her way to spend time with her, has reassured her that their friendship is very important to her. Her roomate will not respond or discuss this with her. What else can she go? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Help
 

Honestly? This "friend" doesn't sound very mature. Your daughter has done everything she can - but sometimes, you just can't do it by yourself. If the friendship were important to the roommate, she would be working at it, too, but doesn't seem interested. Your daughter should, IMHO, remain as friendly as she can to roomie, but concentrate her efforts on her sisters, who will be with her for the long run.

I went through something similar in college. :( Tell your daughter to try to spend time with her roomie, and see if they can't get involved in something together. (Like Student Government or an organization supporting a common interest.) That may help her roomie to see that she still wants to bond and be friends!

I wish the best for your daughter, her new wonderful Pi Phi sisters, and her roommate.

Thanks for the advice. I really hate that D has found herself in this situation but I am not suprised. I plan to be supportive and hope that they can work this out amongst themselves. I think getting involved in something together might be the key. Anyone else who might have suggestions please let me know.

I echo the advice above--they made some great points! Somewhere there's a great activity that they can join togther. I would also think that she might state, pleasantly but firmly, that she doesn't want to hear any negative discussion about her sorority and the activities she does with them. You know how if somebody keeps sniping and sniping at you about some issue, you're bound to finally explode if they don't cut it out.

If roomie doesn't cut it out, your daughter may have to change housing arrangements next semester but honestly, it's worth it for some peace.

I'm happy that she's a Pi Phi!:)

I don't think changing rooms at semester will be an option. Both girls signed a housing contract and I would like to see them work this out. Is it me or does anyone else agree that this what goes on in middle school? I hope things will be better soon. I am upset that my D cannot enjoy being a part of a sisterhood because of roomie.

Yes, this is what goes on in middle school! And I do hope they can keep being friends and maybe rooming together.

But--a housing contract requires neither that they stay in the same room nor that they stay roommates. It only requires that they remain in university housing.

We know several girls who have swapped roommates at midterm, mostly because they found out that even though they were best friends in high school, familiarity can breed contempt. They were able to stay friends because they weren't roommates anymore.

Thank you all for the advice and I will pass it on to my D. I will let you know how things progress. Let's hope for the better.

Another thing to keep in mind is that although you hope all Greek members are involved, the first semester is its own level of intensity. There probably won't be a time in the future when every time the member does something with the group she comes home with lettered items or when letters and group paraphernalia figure quite as much into living space decor. (I'm not saying that it's a bad thing to love all things Greek, especially your first semester, but 1st semester might involve a different level of intensity.)

So, while the roommate isn't acting right, and joining something together will probably help with that, some of the situation may resolve itself simply as new member period progresses.

The roommate is probably just insecure about losing one of the first people she's had a chance to get to know at college, and I agree with everyone else that it'll hopefully get better over the course of the semester, as she adjusts and her insecurities fade. Your daughter sounds like she's handling this in a very mature way, so kudos to her. And who knows, maybe they can reach a point where your daughter can introduce her roomie to a sister of hers who has similar interests and roomie will see that your daughter's sisters are not scary people out to steal her friend away, but nice people that she can be friends with as well. College adjustment is hard and stressful!

Maybe your daughter really is acting different now that she's in a sorority and the roommate just needs some space and time. You're not in the room with her so you couldn't possibly know the whole story.

You may be right. I am not there in the room with my D, nor do I want to be. I have had my college experience and this is hers. I can only go on what she tells me. She really wants this to work because she and her roomie have been really close for the last few years. Maybe it was not the best idea for them to room together. I don't know. I just want them both to be happy no matter what the outcome.

I know that with my friends, we weren't necessarily as close as before I pledged, but they were also very involved in their org as well (which is a different situation, i know) We also made an effort to get together for dinner, lunch, breakfast like 3/4 times a week and go to a party on the weekends together. Once I moved into the house, we really didn't see each other, but we're still good friends... I hope that doesn't happen with your daughter and so I would definitely go with what everyone else said, join a mutual group to be involved in and also make her friend understand that she's not leaving her.

A lot of my relatives, friends, and colleagues have quite an aversion to GLOs. However, if she learned more about what being in a GLO truly entails (and not the negative stereotypes), it would make a huge difference. I think that treating the GLO as another club you belong to can help- not as a prize for being popular and pretty or anything like that.