moving in with boyfriend.. any tales or advice

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by bluz4

my boyfriend and i will be moving in together after he graduates law school in the spring. it will the first time for the both of us. any tales of cohabitation? any advice or warnings you guys care to share? i'm open to it all....

Don't do it. Marry first.

[AGDee]

Suze Orman (sp?) suggests that finances be split by how much each person makes. So, if one of you makes 60% of the total income of the household and the other makes 40%, then rent, utilities, etc. would be split 60/40.

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by AGDee

Suze Orman (sp?) suggests that finances be split by how much each person makes. So, if one of you makes 60% of the total income of the household and the other makes 40%, then rent, utilities, etc. would be split 60/40.

You REALLY have to be sure that the couple is able to "handle" such an uneven division, though - for some, 50/50 is better simply because it is, well, simple.

Some people run into problems where the 60 "half" feels entitlement, because he/she "paid for (most of) that" or something similar. Also, if one of the bills (say, internet) is used primarily by the 40 "half", the majority payer may develop issues with paying for the majority of something they don't use.

I realize these issues seem petty, but I've known a few couples who started off paying by wage difference and wound up just splitting necessities 50/50 because it ended fights . . . non-essentials generally wind up paid for by the higher earner somewhat more frequently anyway, barring an extreme case of "macho man syndrome", so it somewhat works out.

[AlphaFrog]

I don't get the whole "split 50/50 or 60/40"...I mean, I understand the concept, but for us, all of our money goes into a joint bank account, which I pay all the bills from. It's also what I use to go grocery shopping and buy things for the kids. I keep a list at all times of things coming up to pay, and know how much money we're going to need for the future 45 days or so (unless I know of a major purchase coming up farther down the line) and approx how much both of our checks are going to be. We have a safety net amount of money that we keep. Anything outside of that is our spending money, and we've hardly ever had a problem just sharing that, without putting limits on who can spend what. I buy shoes and he buys his silly wrestling gear and DVDs and it works out well. I put my foot down, however, at the Bowflex.

[Lil' Hannah]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I don't get the whole "split 50/50 or 60/40"...I mean, I understand the concept, but for us, all of our money goes into a joint bank account, which I pay all the bills from.

Yes but you're married...joint bank accounts aren't a great idea for a couple who is dating without any legal ties/protection.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by Lil' Hannah

Yes but you're married...joint bank accounts aren't a great idea for a couple who is dating without any legal ties/protection.

I guess, to me, if you're willing to live with them, you should be at least invested enough in the relationship to trust the other person with finaces, with or without legal protection...but I guess that's being too optimistic.

Does anyone know if there's such a thing as a legal contract between persons living together should a breakup occur? Something like a pre-nup, only for living together/joint finances instead of marriage?

[ForeverRoses]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I guess, to me, if you're willing to live with them, you should be at least invested enough in the relationship to trust the other person with finaces, with or without legal protection...but I guess that's being too optimistic.

Does anyone know if there's such a thing as a legal contract between persons living together should a breakup occur? Something like a pre-nup, only for living together/joint finances instead of marriage?

I know my sister had a domestic partnership agreement that was put together by an attorney and when the relationship tanked, they ended up in arbitration and the agreement was enforced. Granted this was in California, so I don't know how it would work other places.

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by Lil' Hannah

Yes but you're married...joint bank accounts aren't a great idea for a couple who is dating without any legal ties/protection.

You still have pretty OK legal protection if you're living together, obviously dependent upon your state - but yeah, this is exactly what the deal is . . . a combined bank account can quickly become a mess, no matter how 'invested' you want to be in the relationship. Just saying "throw all the money in and pay out of that" doesn't work all the time.

Quite a few married couples do the 3-account thing - most goes into the joint account, then each has a "fun fund" that their money goes into. It's like an allowance for grown-ups . . .

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

Quite a few married couples do the 3-account thing - most goes into the joint account, then each has a "fun fund" that their money goes into. It's like an allowance for grown-ups . . .

When we first got married, we were going to do that, and then we decided the allowance thing is silly. However, that's what my coworker and her husband do, and it seems to work well for them. Although, things are a little more cut-and-dry for them, since they don't have kids. They don't have to decide whether things like going iceskating with the kids should come out of the general fund or whichever parent is going, etc.

[ForeverRoses]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I don't get the whole "split 50/50 or 60/40"...I mean, I understand the concept, but for us, all of our money goes into a joint bank account, which I pay all the bills from. It's also what I use to go grocery shopping and buy things for the kids. I keep a list at all times of things coming up to pay, and know how much money we're going to need for the future 45 days or so (unless I know of a major purchase coming up farther down the line) and approx how much both of our checks are going to be. We have a safety net amount of money that we keep. Anything outside of that is our spending money, and we've hardly ever had a problem just sharing that, without putting limits on who can spend what. I buy shoes and he buys his silly wrestling gear and DVDs and it works out well. I put my foot down, however, at the Bowflex.

Maybe that's the advice if you are not married and are "just" cohabitating? Splitting the bills 50/50 doesn't sound fair if one person makes significantly more than the other- especially if the house/apartment was selected based on the higher income earner.

And pooling money if are not married can get really tricky- what do you do if you break up? The higher income person might want a bigger piece of the pooled funds, even though they spent more of it.

[AlwaysSAI]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I put my foot down, however, at the Bowflex.

I <3 that.

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by Knoxstudent

This thread is over five years old.

I wonder how it worked out?