Who here knows what it's like to go without?

[MeezDiscreet]

Originally Posted by Lyoness

Memories... I don't think we knew anything was really bad until we hit middle school/high school. We weren't spoiled but my mother definitely didn't let us go without. My brother and I went to private Catholic schools until 10th grade on scholarship and there were so many other kids like us, we were okay. After my mother lost her GOOD job (downsizing ) , that was the beginning of the end for us. She got another job fairly quickly but it wasn't the same. My stepdad wasn't the most reliable so we stayed with stuff getting cut off, cars taken back, begging so I could take my college finals every semester. We never recovered financially and when I was in college, they divorced and we lost our house. I still hate thinking about cleaning out our house. My mom couldn't deal with it so I did it myself. I was homeless for about 4 months after school, bouncing around from house to house until I got stable. That was probably one of the worst periods of my life. I can just imagine how bad it was for her though. It's been a good number of years but I don't think any of us has really recovered emotionally from it.
My mother grew up dirt poor and buying her house was her way of dealing with her own demons from childhood. You all mentioned wearing the same clothes and being teased and stuff. That was her childhood.
Someone mentioned the Sweet 16 show. I HATE IT!! Spoiled brats who think money grows on trees. I take this experience with me everyday when I go to work, to school, to church... so I always know what I'm working for. I have a pretty good job now and a really nice place. God has really blessed me.

And aint that what makes the struggle worth it?!

[Lyoness]

Originally Posted by MeezDiscreet

And aint that what makes the struggle worth it?!

^^^^^^^^^^^

Yes Indeed!!!!

[AKA_Monet]

Fellow greekchatters!

These stories amaze me!

My story: I never had to want for nothing... My folks made it their life's mission to make sure my brother and I had all we desired. While growing up, as a teen, my father provided me with things where I had to tell him to STOP! He still tries to provide me with "gifts"--these gifts are like a "Trojan horse"

However, my mother did grow up very poor. Outhouses, no way of warmth in the winter. Only had an icebox after she left the house. Sometime starved. So, she taught me how to maintain and keep the toys and things that I was given. Because she had older sisters and brothers, they did things for her so that she could get an education. She got an college degree at a time that she should not have been anything. And she made sure that my brother and I would not suffer the pangs of poverty.

That is the one thing I admire about my folks, then did not forget their roots. My father's dental office is in a very poor area town. He actually barters for dental work. However, please refrain for asking for his assistance... My mother, retired as a principal of an inner city elementary school. She made sure those students in less than favorable homes excelled in their education while she worked at that school.

As a result, I serve those who are less fortunate than me. I strongly believe that through Church and my Sorority. I think it sucks when those who actually have been given an abundant life do not step up and make things happen. Even if it is spending time with the elderly to tutoring students, no matter, there is no excuse when God had given one plenty to hoard it all for himself or herself...

[christiangirl]

I can honestly say that you all are inspirations and true testimonies to what the human spirit does in the face of adversity. I know that sounds all Hallmark-ish, but it's true. I didn't have a childhood even close to this because my parents made sure of it. When my parents were young, they came from 2 black families not too long after the Great Depression. Both of them grew up with literally nothing and both of them swore their kids would never go through that. My parents were determined to prove to themselves that they would never have to tell their children "no" because the funds simply weren't there. As a result, my sister and I had what my pastor calls the "Neiman Marcus" upbringing. We each had our own rooms in our not extravagant, but nice house. We both grew up with a backyard full of toys and more clothes than we knew what to do with. Basically, we had more material stuff than we did parents. I would gladly go back and trade some of that to have had more support and involvement from them than their money, but that's another story entirely.

Most people say that I'm spoiled, but I don't believe that. One thing my parents did their best on was to teach me that anything worth having is something I have to work for. While I never really had to struggle for anything, I did work for a lot of the big things they gave me (nothing compared to what you've gone through, I'm sure). As an adult, I often work to earn things that are just offered to me for free (Some say I'm stupid for that, but I don't ever want to be the spoiled little girl who doesn't know how to earn something.) And my mom got me involved in community service early and I haven't stopped since. She made sure that I knew that there were others out there who worked just as hard as our family, but didn't have nearly what we did and that it was my duty to give it back to our community. I believe that wholeheartedly and I think that's what makes me a giving person. I'll give something away before I'll sell it and do volunteer work as often as time permits. If I don't have a reason to say "no" then I won't. I've been told that I'm too giving and that people are going to take advantage of me and I know they have and more probably will. But that won't deter me from giving because there are people in this world who need it. God has blessed me with a lot in this world and so I have no problem giving it up--it was never really mine in the first place.

[TonyB06]

In my 3+ years on GreekChat I have to say this is one of the most worthwhile threads I've ever read. I don't really have a hardship story to add, but I can appreciate the testimonies shared, and the values the posters apparently got from learning to "overcome" so early in life.

Props to you, MeezDiscreet.

[lovehaiku84]

As I have learned of other's hardships I consider myself to be very blessed. However, being that my mother was raising my brother and I on her own, we did experience our fair share of financial hardships, although for the longest time we didn't know it. For example we did recieve free food around Thanksgiving some years, and I can remember hoping that my best friend, whose family had more money than mine, would not be the family that dropped off the box at our front door, because I didn't want her to think that we were needy, even though I guess we were. Also, I remember shopping at Payless for my sneakers, and for the longest time I didn't think anything of it. Then, in 7th grade this kid who was kind of in my clique was talking about shoes or something and he's like "Ugh, what kind of shoes are those?" I told him that they were cross trainers. And he's like, "No, what KIND (brand) are they?" I started to get all hot because I didn't want to admit that they were Payless (that was THE WORST place to get shoes at the time) and what made it worse was that my friend (who was white and had money) was sitting right there saying "Tell him what kind of shoes they are," thinking that they were actually name brand. I just kept saying that they were cross trainers, hoping that they would move on and hating them for putting me on the spot like that...And that was the worst that it ever got. So like I said I consider myself to have been very fortunate growing up because even though we didn't have a lot, we still had more than some of our friends and were even considered "rich" by a few...

[MeezDiscreet]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

In my 3+ years on GreekChat I have to say this is one of the most worthwhile threads I've ever read. I don't really have a hardship story to add, but I can appreciate the testimonies shared, and the values the posters apparently got from learning to "overcome" so early in life.

Props to you, MeezDiscreet.

Thanks Tony

[Lyoness]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

My parents were determined to prove to themselves that they would never have to tell their children "no" because the funds simply weren't there. As a result, my sister and I had what my pastor calls the "Neiman Marcus" upbringing. We each had our own rooms in our not extravagant, but nice house. We both grew up with a backyard full of toys and more clothes than we knew what to do with. Basically, we had more material stuff than we did parents. I would gladly go back and trade some of that to have had more support and involvement from them than their money, but that's another story entirely.

That was my childhood/teen years. I can totally relate. It was cool. Has anyone heard of the term "house poor"? I heard someone say it in the doctor's office.

[12dn94dst]

I also echo TonyB's sentiment. I don't have any hardship stories either, for the same reason christiangirl mentioned, but I definitely appreciate your stories and I greatly respect you all for being willing to share.

Originally Posted by Lyoness

Has anyone heard of the term "house poor"?

yup. it's basically when the only thing you can afford is your mortgage payment. you struggle to pay utilities and other basics.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by 12dn94dst

I also echo TonyB's sentiment. I don't have any hardship stories either, for the same reason christiangirl mentioned, but I definitely appreciate your stories and I greatly respect you all for being willing to share.



yup. it's basically when the only thing you can afford is your mortgage payment. you struggle to pay utilities and other basics.

So, my father has a "thing" for the acquisition of cars. Not the flashy ones or the massive fixer uppers, but stupid ones that no one will buy. Then he also got caught up in that late 70's early 80's IRS audit that killed a lot of Black owned businesses. Since, I do not have a business research background, that would be a very good topic to study for a graduate degree. Anyhow, there were "times" my mother was completely unsure if we would have a house over our heads and food to eat as children.

Now, I would never say we were impoverished, but I did not see lavish gifting until I was a teen. Clothes, cars, jewelry and that is when my mother got hip to the game my father did and told him to stop. So, then he tried it on me and I was too nerdy to like it. However, my brother on the otherhand... I don't think he ever has actually looked, purchased with his own money, and owned the pink slip to a vehicle EVER! Pisses me off to no end...

And as far as being "house broke". Yeah, my brother was in those ARM mortgages that have gone defunct. Hence, his logic for his divorce... Drama.

Whereas, my husband and I, we have a conventional mortgage. And when we got married, since my mother chose not to give us a "FHA Bridal Registry" where guests put money in a "pot" that can be used for a house downpayment, we had to ask for Lowes/Home Depot gift card. Got 2 ceiling fans for it with the install!

I think numerous people are unsure if they can do disciplined personal business decisions and we, who are educated, must try to assist those less fortunate in some of those issues. I also think we must teach them how to not take no for a final answer.

[skeeliteful]

Looking back on my childhood, I would have to say that we were EXTREMELY blessed. I have no idea how my mother was able to provide for my brothers and I without child support from my father (she has since taken him to court 3 times for back child support; but that's another thread). I can remember times when my mother wouldn't eat dinner so my brothers and I would have something to eat. I can remember being embarrassed to ask for the reduced lunch application. I remember being embarrassed to have friends come over because we couldn't afford cable, our A/C never worked and we had hand me down furniture. I remember going to pawn shops and shopping at thrift stores and Pic 'n Save. I remember having my flute repossessed for non-payment (somehow my mother was able to get it back). I remember my brother lying to my mother about his class ring being stolen when he actually pawned it to pay for his tuxedo to go to prom. When my brothers and I went to college we would always be sure to send out mother money when we got our financial aid refund checks. But through all of that my mother still managed to get my brothers and I everything we needed and most of what we wanted. We always had food on the table and clothes on our backs. There was never a time that we could ever say that our mother didn't do something or get something for us.