40 y.o. track coach marries his student :(

[Senusret I]

Originally Posted by LaneSig

Seriously, having taught for several years, I see some kids' names and think: With that name, I can already see there are going to be problems. Other teachers, back me up here.

Darius. Never met a Darius who turned out well.

[DSTRen13]

They act like her life is completely over because of this. I somehow think that's up to her ... people have survived much bigger "tragedies"

Apparently I'm weird on this, but really. Is it that big of a deal? I agree that they shouldn't have been involved while he was in a position of authority. There is a lot that is strange about this particular relationship. But on general principle, I really don't have a huge problem with 16 year olds getting married, or with the age difference thing, or even with the student-teacher thing (it shouldn't happen WHILE the teacher is still the student's teacher, but afterward, who cares?).

[Of course, my dad was my mom's gym coach in HS, they started dating the summer after she graduated, and got married her sophomore year of college (there's an 11 yr age difference). They've been married for 27 years and I don't think she feels she threw her life away (although her parents certainly felt that way).]

[James]

DSTRen, I think you are right if you look at this in terms of stark reality.

However, social fashions tend to color people's perception of what is "good" or "bad". And most people seem unable to see beyond that.

So 50 years ago there would have been more outrage if a white girl married a black man no matter what their ages, a Christian married a Jew, or whatever was frowned upon at that time.

Fashions change. But, good critical thinkers understand the larger context and perspective.

Originally Posted by DSTRen13

They act like her life is completely over because of this. I somehow think that's up to her ... people have survived much bigger "tragedies"

Apparently I'm weird on this, but really. Is it that big of a deal? I agree that they shouldn't have been involved while he was in a position of authority. There is a lot that is strange about this particular relationship. But on general principle, I really don't have a huge problem with 16 year olds getting married, or with the age difference thing, or even with the student-teacher thing (it shouldn't happen WHILE the teacher is still the student's teacher, but afterward, who cares?).

[Of course, my dad was my mom's gym coach in HS, they started dating the summer after she graduated, and got married her sophomore year of college (there's an 11 yr age difference). They've been married for 27 years and I don't think she feels she threw her life away (although her parents certainly felt that way).]

[James]

Oh this isn't meant as disapproval but I thought it was funny:

[Munchkin03]

I don't know, this doesn't really weird me out either. I played sports in HS and college, and weird coach-pupil relationships pop up. It gets even dicier when the coach is just out of school and the kids aren't much younger. When I rowed in college, one of my shellmates was dating the assistant coach for a bit (he graduated the year before we came aboard).

I can think of about 5 couples where the now-husband met the wife when he was coaching her. Granted, none of the girls were 16, they were all 18-22, but they're still married 20+ years later.

[AlethiaSi]

um. this totally happened with one of my sorority sisters. He was her basketball coach from like middle school on, AND they started dating when she was STILL in high school! He was like 40 at the time, and they dated throughout college, she pledged my sorority, and continued with school. I believe she JUST graduated and they've already been married a year. plus... he is SUPER CREEPY........ I wasn't really close with her but I was her APM and lived down the hall from her after she moved into the house.... She was a nice girl but a little off herself.... the family didn't agree at all btw, but basically accepted it after so long...

[alum]

Besides the fact that there is a violation of the coach/student relationship (this is inappropriate even if the coach was a 20 year old ass't) AND the fact that the parents signed off on this before the girl even graduated from high school (mind-boggling IMO), other issues bother me.

Problems I have with it:

1. Apparently the inappropriate contact started at 14, I assume under any statuatory age of consent. I don't care how mature or provocative she was at 14.

2. A 24 year age difference. He is old enough to be her father in a normal age range, not even in a teenage fatherhood-type deal. At least at 18-42, the young woman would be a legal adult (hopefully graduated from high school).

[DaemonSeid]

I'm sorry...maybe I missed it...


How did the parents figure that they didn't have a choice?

Were they extorted or blackmailed?

Did he threaten them?



What did I miss?

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

How did the parents figure that they didn't have a choice?

Were they extorted or blackmailed?

Did he threaten them?

Worse. She was giving them the silent treatment....so they didn't have a choice.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Worse. She was giving them the silent treatment....so they didn't have a choice.

oh no. not the silent treatment....what would she have done if they threatened either time out or grounding for a month?

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

Darius. Never met a Darius who turned out well.

What could you possibly have against the dude from Hootie and the Blowfish?

ETA: I think any big age difference is weird and that teacher/coaches shouldn't date their students regardless of how close they are in age.

That said, I've always kind of wondered why we criminalize only some of the cases with big age differences. In my state, a teacher who "dated" any person who could possible be considered a high school student anywhere (no matter if the "student" was 18 and didn't go to his school) could go to jail and lose his teaching certificate forever but a random creep who was 40 and wanted to date a 17 or 18 year old girl could do so without legal penalty. Doesn't that seem kind of odd? Shouldn't all the creeps be penalized, rather than only the teacher creeps?

[James]

Why are they creeps?

Honest question. If you like someone and its legal why is it creepy to date them? If you believe in the concept of love . . maybe that is their true love. I dunno, its not for me, but I don't think of it as inherently creepy.

Originally Posted by Alphagamuga

What could you possibly have against the dude from Hootie and the Blowfish?

ETA: I think any big age difference is weird and that teacher/coaches shouldn't date their students regardless of how close they are in age.

That said, I've always kind of wondered why we criminalize only some of the cases with big age differences. In my state, a teacher who "dated" any person who could possible be considered a high school student anywhere (no matter if the "student" was 18 and didn't go to his school) could go to jail and lose his teaching certificate forever but a random creep who was 40 and wanted to date a 17 or 18 year old girl could do so without legal penalty. Doesn't that seem kind of odd? Shouldn't all the creeps be penalized, rather than only the teacher creeps?

[sageofages]

At first blush this feels so wrong on so many levels...BUT...what if there is true love there. Only time will tell that....not that I would want that for my child. (daughter two married the day before she graduated HS to a man 5 years older than her...so far so good, 3 years later)

Different times this would have been a nothing.


My great grandfather was 12 years older than my great grandmother. He saw her for the first time when she was about 3 days old (at church, he was a neighbor)..and told her parents she was the most beautiful thing he ever saw and one day he was going to marry her. He did 16 years later. They were married for almost 70 years when he died. She died a year later. They had 22 children.

Sometimes it works.

[James]

My grandfather was well over 17 years older than my grandmother who was 18 when they were married. They stayed married until he died . . . Over 30 years I believe . . .

Maybe the human race has somehow changed in the intervening years. . . which would be pretty fast for genetic alterations.

Originally Posted by sageofages

At first blush this feels so wrong on so many levels...BUT...what if there is true love there. Only time will tell that....not that I would want that for my child. (daughter two married the day before she graduated HS to a man 5 years older than her...so far so good, 3 years later)

Different times this would have been a nothing.


My great grandfather was 12 years older than my great grandmother. He saw her for the first time when she was about 3 days old (at church, he was a neighbor)..and told her parents she was the most beautiful thing he ever saw and one day he was going to marry her. He did 16 years later. They were married for almost 70 years when he died. She died a year later. They had 22 children.

Sometimes it works.

[Thetagirl218]

Originally Posted by James

Why are they creeps?

Honest question. If you like someone and its legal why is it creepy to date them? If you believe in the concept of love . . maybe that is their true love. I dunno, its not for me, but I don't think of it as inherently creepy.

No offense to your family's history that you talked about earlier, but in today's world, I don't think 16 year olds really know what love is enough to settle down and get married. In this case the sexual relations started when the girl was 14, that is a coach taking advatage of a young girl. 16 year old girls want to be loved and if they feel they are loved by a boyfriend no matter what the age, they wil do what ever it takes to keep that love. This girl isn't thinking about her furture, she could have gone to college or pursued a career instead of being married to her old highschool couch and proabaly having a a kid by the time she is 18. Its just plain sad!