A question for the Pretty Boys from a Pretty Girl.....

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by IncontRHOllable

I believe that if you just wait, God will bring the person that you are suppose to marry to you (I know that opinion is not popular).

I believe that, too but....now, I don't doubt my man's sense of direction, but would it be too much interference if I drew him a map? Just in case?

Originally Posted by IncontRHOllable

What's even worse is those fools that tell me "you a nice girl, pretty and all that but its unrealistic to think some man is going to stay faithful to you when you not trying to show a brotha a little intimacy. I can wait a while, but you talking intimacy for marriage and that could be 3 years and a man ain't gonna wait that long and be faithful to you at the same time".

WE ARE --->HERE<---. If I had a dime for every time I heard that from a man (and women for that matter), I'd be able to pay back my student loans.

[KAPPAtivating]

^^^Ladies I am so apologetic on behalf of the good men out here in the world. I am a firm believer that anything (and I mean anything) worth having is worth waiting for! I tell my young Kappa League boys all the time that 1)Quality before Quanity and 2)I believe God arranged our bodies in order of importance. In other words, your brain and your heart come before your loins!

[IncontRHOllable]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

I believe that, too but....now, I don't doubt my man's sense of direction, but would it be too much interference if I drew him a map? Just in case?



WE ARE --->HERE<---. If I had a dime for every time I heard that from a man (and women for that matter), I'd be able to pay back my student loans.

Christiangirl, you and I both would be debt free Honestly, I am not expecting a man to be perfect because I am not, although I am striving everyday for Godly perfection. However, I do expect him to be faithful and to respect my beliefs and values. What is really getting me is this expectation that after they go out and sew their oats all over the world, that we (good women) are supposed to be there waiting on them to ask us to marry them and live happily ever after. AS IF!! I mean I know there is a shortage of available black men but we are not that desperate because a sista like me will marry a white, Asian, Hispanic, etc.,

[KAPPAtivating]

Originally Posted by IncontRHOllable

What is really getting me is this expectation that after they go out and sew their oats all over the world, that we (good women) are supposed to be there waiting on them to ask us to marry them and live happily ever after. AS IF!! I mean I know there is a shortage of available black men but we are not that desperate because a sista like me will marry a white, Asian, Hispanic, etc.,

So what about the women who helped these dudes sew their oats, and they have six kids by six daddies? Are we supposed to be around waiting for them too? It goes two ways!

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by KAPPAtivating

So what about the women who helped these dudes sew their oats, and they have six kids by six daddies? Are we supposed to be around waiting for them too? It goes two ways!

Ditto, Ditto, and Ditto 10 times fold. I couldn't have said it better myself Nupe.

[Sugar08]

Originally Posted by KAPPAtivating

So what about the women who helped these dudes sew their oats, and they have six kids by six daddies? Are we supposed to be around waiting for them too? It goes two ways!

Question for all:

Does it matter to you how many men a woman has slept with (she has no children); is there an upper limit?

Follow-up question:

What about if she's not happy with the number of women you have slept with?

Ladies, if you'd like to answer, please reverse the pronouns.

[OneTimeSBX]

oh wooow!

i am not particularly concerned with the #. you can sleep with one person and catch something/knock her up, or 25 and nothing happens. as long as that # STOPS where i begin? im good with whatever. just dont lie if it comes up.

[357Nupe]

What she did in the past is her business, I don't care to know.

On the other hand I would hope if it were a large or small number of men that she would have learned somethings that make my experience with her better.

It is truly none of her business how many I have been with, just like it is none of my business how many she has been with. Just make sure while I am the one I am the only one.

[IncontRHOllable]

Originally Posted by Sugar08

Question for all:

Does it matter to you how many men a woman has slept with (she has no children); is there an upper limit?

Follow-up question:

What about if she's not happy with the number of women you have slept with?

Ladies, if you'd like to answer, please reverse the pronouns.

I feel that a man should be held to the same standard that they place on women. Men always preach about how they don't want a woman who has been around the block a lot. Well, the same standard should apply to them. Unfortunately, I find that most men feel that its ok for THEM to be around the block but NOT OK for the women to be around the block. Double standard, yes and its wrong. I think women should start holding men to same standard that they hold us to. Why should we have to accept that they've been around the block and its cool. On the other hand, coming from a christian standpoint of view, its wrong to judge someone based on their past. What should matter is what they are doing after they have chosen to be in a relationship with you.

[Sugar08]

Originally Posted by IncontRHOllable

I feel that a man should be held to the same standard that they place on women. Men always preach about how they don't want a woman who has been around the block a lot. Well, the same standard should apply to them. Unfortunately, I find that most men feel that its ok for THEM to be around the block but NOT OK for the women to be around the block. Double standard, yes and its wrong. I think women should start holding men to same standard that they hold us to. Why should we have to accept that they've been around the block and its cool. On the other hand, coming from a christian standpoint of view, its wrong to judge someone based on their past. What should matter is what they are doing after they have chosen to be in a relationship with you.

This is what I was getting at. I've come across many men who hold their significant other to the double-standard and I was trying to find out what GCers had to say.

[Infamous12]

I agree with 357 Nupe. Your past is your past and mine is mine. As long as that number doesn't increase while you're with me, we're straight.

But trust and believe, if your past is still present (i.e. - notorious reputation of being a slore, lol) then I will NOT be in your future. Sorry for ya!

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by KAPPAtivating

So what about the women who helped these dudes sew their oats, and they have six kids by six daddies? Are we supposed to be around waiting for them too? It goes two ways!

It's funny you say that, because there's a woman at my church who has a son a little younger than I am. She told us once that his father has six different kids by six different women. I'm not sure what number she was.

Originally Posted by Sugar08

Question for all:

Does it matter to you how many men a woman has slept with (she has no children); is there an upper limit?

I don't have a limit, just whatever I'm comfortable with. Yes, I feel that it's my business, even outside of the baby mama drama and the "I might catch something" fear. Ex partners are BAGGAGE even without sex in the mix. I'm sorry, but I like to travel light. I have enough baggage of my own without adding your carry-ons. If I feel like you're carrying a load that I'm not strong enough to deal with, then I'll let you go find someone else who is so we can both be happy.

Now, the number isn't always important. I recently stopped dating a guy because his baggage off his ONE past relationship was too much--years of having sex with her had put them on this emotional level that he tried to recreate with me, right off the bat. He always respected me and never even asked for sex, but I swear, everytime he looked at me, his eyes were calling me her name. I'll fight for my man, but I can't compete with someone who's not there anymore. So, if I have to take man with 3 rolley-bags over man with 1 footlocker, then sobeit.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by IncontRHOllable

I feel that a man should be held to the same standard that they place on women. Men always preach about how they don't want a woman who has been around the block a lot. Well, the same standard should apply to them. Unfortunately, I find that most men feel that its ok for THEM to be around the block but NOT OK for the women to be around the block. Double standard, yes and its wrong. I think women should start holding men to same standard that they hold us to. Why should we have to accept that they've been around the block and its cool. On the other hand, coming from a christian standpoint of view, its wrong to judge someone based on their past. What should matter is what they are doing after they have chosen to be in a relationship with you.

Yup, exactly.

[cheerfulgreek]

I don't think anything's wrong with a guy who's had multiple partners, as long as he doesn't have any STDs or anything like that. I'm totally against holding a guy's past against him, as long as it has nothing to do with me. Of course I would prefer a guy who hasn't slept around, but as long as he's nice to me and faithful, that's what's important. Oh and really, really cute too.

[IncontRHOllable]

Originally Posted by KAPPAtivating

So what about the women who helped these dudes sew their oats, and they have six kids by six daddies? Are we supposed to be around waiting for them too? It goes two ways!

And you are exactly right. No argument for me on that.