Conduct Becoming of A Sorority Girl

[Leslie Anne]

Originally Posted by 33girl

That wasn't my question. My question is do the girls know what they're getting into before they pay fees for rush or sign a bid that binds them for a year to this group. Considering the poster said all the sororities on her campus are like this, I'm guessing the possible membership pool is pretty homogenous and they're not going to complain about Draconian rules.

No, I suppose they don't know.

Originally Posted by 33girl

I'd rather have a stripper or a centerfold who is an active member and a loving sister than a born again Christian who blows off all her duties and continually hurts other sisters by her lack of support.

Actually, so would I. But I guess I was thinking that something in the middle might be nice.

[AOII Angel]

I don't think you have to go to such extremes...the hooker with the heart of gold versus a sister who is a christian backstabber! Most girls who choose not to follow the rules of the chapter are not good sisters. When you join a sorority you change a lot of things. Following the ideals of the group is the biggest change, so I don't think following little rules like acting like a lady in public to protect the integrity of your chapter is asking too much. Anyway, breaking the little rules wouldn't get you kicked out but would get you reprimanded gently. Furthermore, you can't tell rushees everything before they pledge...there is simply not time. That is one reason for the new member period...they learn whether or not the ideals of the sorority fit their own before making the situation permanent. By going through initiation you agree to follow the rules set forth by the group. Wow that was long winded!

[Leslie Anne]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Wow that was long winded!

But very well put!

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I don't think you have to go to such extremes...the hooker with the heart of gold versus a sister who is a christian backstabber!

It's called an example....for argument's sake only. No actual strippers or christians were harmed in the making of 33's point.

[ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl]

I'd like to think that people take their vows to remain sisters as seriously as their vows to behave themselves. For instance, if a girl is repeatedly getting drunk at frat houses and doing things she shouldn't, is it ok to just kick her out, no questions asked? In my opinion, no. It's everyone else's duty as sisters to attempt to help her; volunteer to go with her to AA meetings, volunteer to be a go between with parents if they are difficult, volunteer to keep an eye on her at parties, that sort of thing. If she is given a second chance and refuses ALL help from EVERYONE who offers it, then I think her membership should be called into question. I take sisterhood very seriously...on the other hand I'm also aware that as college students we all have very limited resources when attempting to help others.

As for a member that is pregnant, I think that asking her to take alum (not inactive) status is reasonable. I don't see how she could possibly raise a child (especially as a single parent) AND fulfill all sorority obligations...and I don't think those that put themselves into a situation should be given slack in the obligations...let's be honest...an alcoholic had the choice, a pregnant girl had the choice, a girl hooked on drugs had the choice...a sister with cancer did not. BUT I do think as a sister she should be given all support that she needs and should not be shunned. Everyone makes stupid decisions and one thing I've struggled with is knowing that the people that condemn someone for, say, drinking underage and getting arrested did it themselves last night, or for "sleeping around" hooked up with a random guy at a party last weekend. Fortunately for them, they did not get caught or get pregnant. You can't really erase either of those things...college students make mistakes and some unlucky ones will pay...some never will.

[cuteASAbug]

How is dancing with a drink in your hand disrespecting your sorority? If anything it would be less of a risk management issue because if your drink is always in your hand, no one can slip anything in it.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by cuteASAbug

How is dancing with a drink in your hand disrespecting your sorority? If anything it would be less of a risk management issue because if your drink is always in your hand, no one can slip anything in it.

This is a good example of how current etiquette can do more harm than good. In any etiquette book I've ever read, walking or dancing with food or a drink (or smoking on the street) is simply not done. Yet, I'd much rather see a sister dance with a drink rather than risk a medically-enhanced rape. I'd like to think that future etiquette books will address this in the appropriate way.

Of course, the drink still should be in a glass, not a can or bottle.

[NutBrnHair]

Originally Posted by honeychile

This is a good example of how current etiquette can do more harm than good. In any etiquette book I've ever read, walking or dancing with food or a drink (or smoking on the street) is simply not done. Yet, I'd much rather see a sister dance with a drink rather than risk a medically-enhanced rape. I'd like to think that future etiquette books will address this in the appropriate way.

Perhaps the newer editions will simply suggest that a woman finish her drink before going to the dance floor.

[CZAXOTerp]

oops...

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I don't think you have to go to such extremes...the hooker with the heart of gold versus a sister who is a christian backstabber! Most girls who choose not to follow the rules of the chapter are not good sisters. When you join a sorority you change a lot of things. Following the ideals of the group is the biggest change, so I don't think following little rules like acting like a lady in public to protect the integrity of your chapter is asking too much. Anyway, breaking the little rules wouldn't get you kicked out but would get you reprimanded gently. Furthermore, you can't tell rushees everything before they pledge...there is simply not time. That is one reason for the new member period...they learn whether or not the ideals of the sorority fit their own before making the situation permanent. By going through initiation you agree to follow the rules set forth by the group. Wow that was long winded!

I don't find smoking in public or drinking on the dance floor (what?) to be "unladylike." I don't understand how following archaic rules of what is permissible for female behavior deepens your commitment to your sorority or strengthens relationships between women.

It makes me sad that you actually think "changing a lot of things" to be a part of a sorority is acceptable! Furthermore, I'm sure that at a lot of your chapters the things that you mentioned are in no way "ideals of the sorority." Those are things like leadership and integrity, not etiquette that varies widely from school to school (thank God).

[ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I don't find smoking in public or drinking on the dance floor (what?) to be "unladylike." I don't understand how following archaic rules of what is permissible for female behavior deepens your commitment to your sorority or strengthens relationships between women.

It makes me sad that you actually think "changing a lot of things" to be a part of a sorority is acceptable! Furthermore, I'm sure that at a lot of your chapters the things that you mentioned are in no way "ideals of the sorority." Those are things like leadership and integrity, not etiquette that varies widely from school to school (thank God).

I feel like that to an extent...here it's a hard line to walk. Everyone who is greek and is active (been at intramurals, Greek Week, etc.) would know I'm an Alpha Gam even if they have no idea what my name is. So if I act like a cheap whore at the bar then they will talk about "that Alpha Gam". At the least, though, for the sake of sisters who DO find it offensive, it's not a big deal to leave the letters at the door as we say. If I know I'm going to hang out with a bunch of Delta Chis and there will be alcohol a plenty it's no skin off my nose to wear something with AGD on it.

On the other hand we're college students and there's no chapter on campus that has NO drinkers, NO underage drinkers, NO girls who hook up a lot, and probably there's someone in every chapter hiding an affection for drugs (haven't met them yet, but I'm not believing NO ONE does it)...saying that based on our campus. It's pretty liberal. Drinking and dancing isn't a big deal to me...nor do I think it would be to a sister on this campus...in any sorority. Drinking on the dance floor while sandwhiched between two guys with a cigarette in the other hand...

Common decency. Would your mom be pissed if you were drinking and dancing? Probably not, or she'd get over it at least. Would she be upset about you looking veeeeeeeerrrrrryyyyy wasted? I'm bettin' yes.